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Old 29-06-2016, 07:15 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2016
Stuck between the girl Im in love with and a pregnant girl I resent.

Hi. Im 29 years old. I left the military in 2013 and travelled the world, before ending up in my sleepy grey hometown in Northern England. I started dating a girl but quickly realized we were totally incompatible. She was a bum, the world owed her a favour and she was abusive when she didnt get her way.
I moved on. I met my girlfriend, shes beautiful, caring, understanding, and we clicked. We fell in love and the past year has been great.
All throughout the year, Problem girl was constantly messaging me asking to meet as friends or go out and Id constantly decline reminding her she was being inappropriate.
A month ago I was out with friends after celebrating the purchase of my own house. I was blackout drunk and ended up home alone. Problem girl called and says she wants to see it. Being proud drunk and relaxed I agreed to let her in.
I cheated. I dont remember the details but the shame and guilt is still with me. I feel worthless.
I had to come clean, so told my girlfriend, she said she was prepared to work through it with me.
Its now a month ago, and Problem girl messages me saying she's pregnant. My girlfriend is devastated. Im devastated. I cant share a child with her. I told her i wanted her to have an abortion. That Id pay for it privately and i was in no way able to be with her.
Its been a huge blow. My girlfriend doesnt want anyone to know out of shame and embarrassment. Then my girlfriend asks what I want to do about it. She says if Im willing to pay the girl money and never see the child we could run away together....
Im seriously considering it. I was shot through the neck by a sniper in Afghanistan and recieve a good income from the pension I recieve and investments I made with the compensation. I could provide for us both comfortably.

Im in love and I think Its the best option right now.

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Old 29-06-2016, 07:48 PM   #2
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Hello Talky.

Welcome to the forum.

First of all let me say that I'm deeply sorry for the injury which was caused to you. It must have been a rough time for you and I'm happy you actually survived a injury of that magnitude.

The fact of the matter is; you hooked-up with her in the first place and then even cheated on your current girlfriend with her.

Regarding wanting to have an abortion, it's her body, so it's her choice.

What you should do is to pay child support once the baby is born. Take your share of the responsibility. It's that simple. While it is your right not to see the child if you don't want to, it would be a shame as every child has the right to know his or her biological mother or father.

Last edited by Aubergine : 04-07-2016 at 06:18 PM. Reason: Removed inflammatory and unnecessary content.

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Old 03-07-2016, 02:14 AM   #3
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This sounds like a really distressing and messy situation.
It must be hard to make a decision you're happy with.

I agree that you need to accept responsibility for getting her pregnant. That child doesn't deserve to suffer because their parents made a mistake.
Also, at some point in the future you might change your mind about not wanting that child in your life and being in the loop would make that easier than running away and hiding.

Is it definitely your child?
I don't want to make any accusations as I don't know any of the parties involved. But you want to make sure it's yours before making any life altering choices.

Are there any organizations that offer support on family/pregnancy that you could see or call?
They will have plenty of experience and will be able to talk you trough your options.

I suggest you don't make any decisions while you're not sure what you want to happen.

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Old 03-07-2016, 10:46 PM   #4
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Talky, I realise you don't want to jeopardise your relationship with your girlfriend, but if that baby is yours then it doesn't seem fair to run away. I doubt the mother is having a particularly easy time of things, being pregnant and single is nothing short of petrifying I can assure you. I get that this is all just a huge huge mess that you wish would go away so you can move on with your girlfriend and leave it all behind, but it's a mess of your own making and leaving your ex to deal with everything alone is not fair. At the end of the day it will be your ex's decision whether or not to have the baby, and it will be your decision whether or not to stay in the child's life; but as mentioned before, you may find in the future you regret running away and want to be a part of your child's life, but that it's too late.
You may find that both you and your girlfriend will come to love the child equally and it will all be fine; but yes, it may end up being just too much for your relationship to survive - either way though it's not the baby's fault.

Last edited by Aubergine : 04-07-2016 at 06:21 PM. Reason: Edited content referring to deleted posts/content.
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Old 04-07-2016, 10:03 PM   #5
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If, as you say, the pregnant girl is abusive and a bum it may be in the child's best interest to be raised by someone else.

Alternately, even if you pay her money now, she can still sue for child support.

If she chooses not to have an abortion, there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm sorry, it really seems like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

Men come and go, but dust accumulates.

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Old 05-07-2016, 01:20 PM   #6
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I'm not going to echo everyone else here, I'm just going to clarify one point of this - if this child is yours, you have a legal requirement to pay child maintenance for it if she makes an application for such maintenance, which she would be entitled to do. So "running away" isn't going to stop your legal responsibility for that child. Child maintenance can and does go through legal channels to enforce the payment of it. So, best to start planning for it now. You made a decision and you have to deal with the consequences of it, bad and good.

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Old 05-07-2016, 02:26 PM   #7
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As the (married) mother of two children you have limited sympathy.

Sex leads to babies. Babies are children, teenagers, people.

You made a child, now you have to support it, or just be a total deadbeat dad- and then who will be calling who a 'bum'.

And yes, Child Support payments are a legal matter. She could (and should) take you through the courts.

That baby is 50% hers. And 50% yours.

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Old 07-07-2016, 09:20 PM   #8
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I fell pregnant by a man who very much reminds me of you, although the circumstances that I got pregnant in were not consensual.

He was desperate I get an abortion, and eventually I was forced into it through fear I would be humiliated by him and his girlfriend (it later turned out his "girlfriend" did not exist and was just a lie he told me to put me off having the child). He claimed he was in love with his "girlfriend" and that I had no right to do anything other than get rid of the baby, despite the fact he had done exactly as he wished to me in terms of taking advantage of me when I was in a vulnerable position.

Anyway, I digress slightly. I feel strongly on this topic and I believe wholeheartedly that you do not have the right to interfere in her pregnancy, especially if you have no intention whatsoever of being a partner to her, or more importantly, a father to your unborn child. I suggest you accept your responsibility in this. You cheated on your partner, you got a girl you don't even like pregnant, and you want her to get rid of the baby to make your life with your existing girlfriend more convenient.

I strongly suggest you cut all contact with the girl you got pregnant, and allow her to make her own decision. Presumably she knows you have no intention of being there for her or the child, if not, tell her so. Otherwise, leave her to do with her body as she wishes. Abortions are very, very traumatic and their effects are long lasting and detrimental, I know.

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