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Old 24-01-2021, 08:44 PM   #381
Darkwings44
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i feel hopeless and powerless...... like all that life has to offer is hurt and pain and theres nothing that i do to stop it....... i dont know... maybe i shoud stop.... stop..... being me... because thats the person that my cousins and just everyone IRL hates so much...... but then who am i supposed to be?...... i wish someone IRL understood......



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
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Old 30-01-2021, 10:22 PM   #382
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all this pain ad hurt i suffered in my life its too much to take.........



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 30-01-2021, 11:57 PM   #383
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Sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment- it's sounds like there's lots going on. Are you still being supported by your therapist? I was quite shocked when you said that you don't get privacy to talk to her- does she know that the staff at the home won't let you have your own space for appointments?

I hope your friend CC is in less pain now. Even though a nursing home might seem like a scary option, it sounds like the group home isn't meeting her needs right now and a nursing home could well look after her a lot better. And hopefully once COVID is over you and her family will be able to visit her.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 01-02-2021, 05:42 PM   #384
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my therpist hasnt talked to me since that phone call..............
i dont know for sure if she knows or not..........
CC is still in the group home and shes fine now since she had her gall bladder removed


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 01-02-2021 at 05:43 PM. Reason: added a word....


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 03-02-2021, 10:57 PM   #385
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When do you see your therapist next? I think it would be good to let her know about the privacy issue.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 03-02-2021, 11:09 PM   #386
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i dont know i emailed her today

i'll try



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 04-02-2021, 11:36 PM   #387
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i got the 2nd covid-19 shot today i'll have to wait a few weeks before i could go to my parents house and go places with them though....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 12:59 AM   #388
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i emailed my therpist today..... and wrote this

I hope you are doing better……….. but I really want to talk to you…….
Is it ok to talk to you like I am……… I mean it. Does the stuff we say go on my record. Im serious. Am I give you red flags when I talk to you and everyone because if so I will stop talking to you! I will fucking stop!!!! AM I?!!!! I wont talk to ANYONE expect for my friend CR!!! IF THE SHIT I SAY PUTS RED FUCKING FLAGS AND GOES ON THE RECORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! I WONT TELL YOU OR ANYONE THE TRUTH ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CR IS THE ONLY ONE I FOUND THAT UNDERSTANDS AND ACCERTPS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCKING DAMN ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ����������������������������������


(and by anyone i ment in real life )

The following content has been hidden - Reason : not sure if its allowed or not.... =/
the last call was at wensday and it about wanting to go to a gun range and how i wanted a LTC and rent a machine gun and stuff like that.......


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 06-02-2021 at 01:08 AM.


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 01:21 AM   #389
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Tbh I feel kind of bad for your therapist. I’m not sure how that message is appropriate or going to improve your relationship- or help you in the long run. Of course she’s going to have to note it in records if you say you’re contemplating accessing a gun etc! She would lose her licence and potentially go to prison if she didn’t! I also think the tone is a little out of order- comes across as very angry. Where is that anger coming from? And what has she done to make you so angry?





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Old 06-02-2021, 02:39 AM   #390
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i dont know........... and you were right..... i sent her another email.....

Im sorry about the last email I was feeling extremely angery and I lashed out on you because my mom said something about red flags while I was talking to her and today I kept on think about how you said that people will see on my perament record about the stuff in the past and I got extremely anger and I really hope that you can forgive me………. =(



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 03:37 AM   #391
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Do you want to talk about what happened with your Mum? Sounds like it really triggered something for you...

Also just wanted to point out, in case you weren’t aware that your medical records are confidential- so anything written is for the drs/therapists etc eyes only. Nobody else has to see it. If the professional is concerned about an immediate risk they can share those concerns with certain people, but it’s not an automatic thing and not done lightly. Did you tell your Mom about the urges to get a gun etc?





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Old 06-02-2021, 03:40 AM   #392
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‘People’ won’t be able to access your records. Only healthcare people can unless it is extreme conditions (like in a criminal case).





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Old 06-02-2021, 06:01 PM   #393
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ok thank you



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 06:18 PM   #394
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate View Post
Do you want to talk about what happened with your Mum? Sounds like it really triggered something for you...

Also just wanted to point out, in case you weren’t aware that your medical records are confidential- so anything written is for the drs/therapists etc eyes only. Nobody else has to see it. If the professional is concerned about an immediate risk they can share those concerns with certain people, but it’s not an automatic thing and not done lightly. Did you tell your Mom about the urges to get a gun etc?
yeah............. i told my mom about the email i sent to my theprapist

my mom and i argued about the gun range and how stupid i was and how if i ever do get a gun she will come over immediately and take it away from me and then then she said "keep sending everyone red flags cause thats all your doing!!!!" thats when she hung up...

im sorry.........


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 14-02-2021 at 10:55 PM. Reason: please see your PMs


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 09:59 PM   #395
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Well tbf I can see why she reacted like that. Just wondering what you wanted your Mom to say or how you wanted your therapist to respond? It seems like you’re wanting to communicate something to them and just wondering what that is.





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Old 06-02-2021, 10:04 PM   #396
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i wanted them to support me.....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 10:05 PM   #397
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What do you want from life? What do you like doing?





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Old 06-02-2021, 10:06 PM   #398
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Ok....but how could they have supported you better?





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Old 06-02-2021, 10:13 PM   #399
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not say what they said....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-02-2021, 10:17 PM   #400
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate View Post
What do you want from life? What do you like doing?
i just want to survive...... it too much to ask anything else from life........

writeing and being on my laptop.......



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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