9 days ago, I attempted suicide. My mom passed away December 11, and her service was on December 15. That night, I took an overdose of a combination of several different medications in high quantities and a friend of mine was extremely concerned. He called 911 for me and I was taken to one hospital by ambulance, treated there medically and held for 12 hours for observation, then transferred by ambulance to a psychiatric hospital for crisis stabilization, and came home the 21st. I see my psychiatrist the 27th for a follow up and possibly will do a day treatment program after the holidays. We'll see. I'm still having almost constant thoughts of suicide and it sucks.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum passed. That is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. It must be incredibly painful and her loss is ever so recent.
Do you have any support around you (in addition to here) that you can lean on between now and seeing the psychiatrist on the 27th?
It sounds like your friend really cares about you and wants you to hold on to life.
I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be.
I am glad your friend made sure you got seen and that you are still alive and getting help. Please keep reaching out here and irl to get the support you need.
Do you have any ideas as to what might help you with things and what support you would like? You could let your psych know so they can provide the best possible support.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it is understandable that you're feeling distressed right now.
I'm glad your friend called for help and you were checked out medically. Did they offer any support between now and your appointment on the 27th?
Please keep posting here if it helps; we're all here to listen <3
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
To answer questions, my sister and I are staying with our aunt and uncle for at least the next few days. So I'm being supported that way. Tomorrow night I'm sitting down with my aunt and uncle to talk with them about everything as they know nothing, so I'm dreading that.
As for support, I know my meds need further adjusting, and I may see about taking some time off from school or having a sober companion/someone to support me and keep me safe, as my sister goes back to Ohio for university in a month.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I'm very sorry to hear that you mum passed away, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and your family. Maybe you could write everything down on paper what you need to tell you aunt and uncle so it can be a bit more easier.
That's good you know what support you think would help you. It's also good that you know like to keep safe it is better to have someone with you to support you.
Please stay safe and strong.
If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime you want.
Love from MEERA xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
Well done for making a time to sit down with your aunt and uncle to talk about things, it's a very brave thing to do as I can imagine it'd be hard for you. As suggested above, perhaps writing things down would help.
It sounds like you are aware of what support you might find helpful which is good to hear. Have you thought about having any counselling etc following the loss of your mother?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Therapy is something I really want also. I've been offered the opportunity for partial hospitalization but I don't know if I want it or not. I've been really really triggered and low all day today. Last night I thought about wanting to buy new sleeping pills and trying it again after my sister goes back to college. Idk what I want honestly.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
Has someone explained to you what exactly partial hospitalization entails and what kind of treatment you would get? Maybe knowing what exactly your options are can help making the decision. What support would you be offered if you didn't do it?
Partial hospitalization is basically the same as going inpatient, except you go home at night. You get support through multiple group therapies a day, plus you see your therapist and psychiatrist once daily. Partial would last from 2-8 weeks, but the big thing is insurance coverage.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I sorry you made the attempt but glad that your friend got you help and you are seeking help now. I have been in hospital and partial hospital, I can't say it was the best time of my life but it kept me going at the time when I was in a very bad place. You would have support from other patients too. I would give it a try but of course it's completely up to you. If you do decide to go, I hope you get good benefit from it. Good luck and feel free to post anytime on here, we're all here for you during this difficult time. Xx
Does partial hospitalization sound like something that may be helpful right now? I think it might help for you to have the support through out the day and perhaps work on skills you can use during the night.
Take care.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I feel stuck. I feel like I'm never ever going to recover and I don't see a point in trying. I honestly am just done. I've been suicidal for the past 4 days basically and it sucks. That appointment I had actually didn't happen because the psychiatrist wasn't in network for my insurance so we got a list of names an have been trying to get me into see someone but it still hasn't happened yet. I'm spiraling and in crisis and honestly want to die. It's so hard.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I know how frustrating it can feel when you're trying to recover but nothing is happening.
I'm sorry the appointment didn't happen and that you haven't been able to get into seeing someone else. Try not to give up; it will happen eventually. It's always hard to try to work out appointments between Christmas and New Year because of holidays etc.
Is there anyone you can call to be with you or talk things through with?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I know it eventually will. It just feels like in hospital I had all this support and then I got thrown out with nothing. I'm still living with my aunt and uncle and that is helping some but I know I need professional support.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I've been accepted into a partial hospitalization program for young adults! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like recovery is finally possible. The assessment went really well and took about two hours. My aunt was with me the whole time and they talked to both of us. It's a real family centered environment. The program runs Monday-Friday from 9-4.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
I'm officially starting on Monday! I'm excited and nervous and scared all at the same time. I have to be there at 8 am.
Carrie/23/Self Harm/Depression/Anxiety/Warrior All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet.
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.- Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, and Little Mix give me hope.
