I hope i'm not alone on this, but here is the situation....
I want to stop cutting, i'm fed up with it, constantly covering up fresh wounds and worrying those around me. I'm not gonna do this anymore, time to break free from it, it's been 11 years, it's time to stop. This is how i feel when i want to stop and i am not triggered by anything.
Stopping is not something i'm bothered about, cutting makes me feel better, i want to see more cuts and scars, it'll always help me, might as well quit therapy, i don't believe in myself, the feelings and urges will never go away, just cut. It works so why stop. This is how i feel when i'm triggered or when i have certain feeling which are hard to describe.
So my therapist asks, do you want to stop. I say YES I WANT TO STOP.
Cue positive talk from me, working on skills i can use etc etc.
In between time....
Something happens or i get a certain feeling and then it goes completely the opposite way to which i just told my therapist.
So it's like a battle in my own head and it's doing my nut in. It's a constant battle and so i'm like what's the f'ing point. It's been like it for so long and i can't break free from it. I try all the distractions and use all my skills, but it never goes away and before i know it i've done it again. Then i feel elated, then a day later a sense of failure again, failure that i gave in. So normally at this point it's back to positive talk and babble, and then back to wanting to cut etc etc and so the cycle continues....
Please can anybody tell me how the hell do you break that cycle? or that constant battle in your head for the things you want?
Even if you're able to bring your self-harm under control, so it's only occasionally, that's still an improvement. Have you spoken to your therapist about struggling to quite completely, or about the feeling/situation that leads to SH?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I wish I had an awesome piece of advice, but I am fighting the same battle that you are except with a different form of SH. Sorry I can't be more help, but I can empathize.
Yeah i've spoken to her about it, and she tells me to use my skills i've learned and keep trying distractions, which i try to do. It only seems to hold back the cutting for a little while though before it gets too much again. Even if i hold it back, its the thoughts that are the exact opposite of what i'm trying to achieve.
It's the whole swinging backwards and forwards thats doing my head in, saying one thing and doing the other. I've been trying to stop this for so long and the longer it goes on the harder it feels to be able to stop it.
It's like a switch that goes. When the switch is on, i'm fighting it really hard and am determined never to do it again, then suddenly the switch goes off and i'm wanting it more and more and stopping is way way in the back of my mind.
Hey im getting same thing atm, ive done it for about the same time as you also but only decide to attempt to find a solution and joined this forum! its really frustrating trying not to do it specially when youve sort out to try not to.
write out, or maybe better, record yourself talking about, your reasons why you don't want to cut. talk about how bad you feel afterwards, etc. then keep the writing/recording somewhere where you'll have to see it when you go to harm. and hopefully reading/listening/watching it will help keep you focused on resisting the urge, and thinking about the reasons why you don't want to harm, and remind you of how badly you feel afterwards and what the repercussions of harming are
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Yeah filming might be a good idea, i'll try that. Writing is okay but it's easier to see them as just words with no meaning, rather than a meaningful note.
I really understand how ur feeling. The trick is to know that the feeling of not wanting to quit will go away and that you will only regret it later on. If you're able to analyse ur own thoughts you can overcome this!!
Stay strong..
