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Old 08-11-2017, 10:38 AM   #1
Eir
ignoring the cacophony
 
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Australia
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Triggering maybe?

I'm not coping. Not at all.
I want to not want to die.
I want to be normal
I want to not have to down a dozen pills a day to stay at this awful space of just surviving.
The pills make it hard to think. My job is critical thinking. I can't handover to save my own life, let alone anyone elses. Again, my job.
Constant thoughts of self harm, of running away.
Intrusive voices constantly tell me how I've ****** up.
My mind twists others comments into the harshest criticism.
I don't see a future.
My daughter is an anchor in a current, swaying from not wanting to cause her harm by being in her life to wanting to cling to her as a reason to live.
I've made an appointment. Just gotta survive.



...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull

No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer

Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~

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Old 08-11-2017, 11:30 PM   #2
Sketchy
 
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Scotland
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I’m sorry things are so difficult. I’m guessing it’s a doctor appointment or therapist? That’s good. I hope they can help you.
I hope you get the help you need. Keep talking here.





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Old 09-11-2017, 05:44 PM   #3
irkeninvader
Tumbling down the rabbit hole
 
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: England
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I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Feel free to talk here, we'll listen xx



I've come so far, I'm behind again


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Old 11-11-2017, 04:44 AM   #4
Eir
ignoring the cacophony
 
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Australia
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I feel so guilty about my daughter. I've missed so much because i was the bread winner.
I resent the fact that I live with people who'd notice if I Self Harmed. I want it so bad.



...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull

No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer

Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~

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Old 12-11-2017, 10:01 PM   #5
Sketchy
 
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Scotland
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Is there anything that has helped stop you from self harming?

When is your appointment? I hope you are able to talk about all this.

How are you feeling today?





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Old 14-11-2017, 11:27 AM   #6
Margo
 
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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*moonwalks in*
Hello. It’s gonna be ok. You’re loved.

*cartwheels out*



~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P
Bitter Angel is my Mitten
Animad is my Top Trump
All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P



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Old 17-11-2017, 09:02 AM   #7
irkeninvader
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: England
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eir View Post
I resent the fact that I live with people who'd notice if I Self Harmed. I want it so bad.
I completely get this. If I lived alone I would give in and do it in a heartbeat. But we sleep naked, so there's no way I could do it without my husband seeing and I couldn't bear the look in his eye.

Stay safe xx



I've come so far, I'm behind again


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