Why is this rude?

[raspberry_swirl]

I hate making eye contact. I wish I could force myself to do it for more than a brief moment but it's like trying to hold my hand under hot water or something. I wish this was different!

[Sketchy]

When I'm really low and talking to professionals I find it hard to make eye contact. On a psych ward I was obviously struggling and a nurse abruptly asked why I wasn't making eye contact with her. I was too distressed. I can understand why some people in certain situations find it hard.

[ferretmonster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautiful_seclusion

Logically, though, does it matter whether someone makes eye contact? People associate it with telling the truth, but a con artist will make all the eye contact in the world. It seems its more an assumption based on upbringing rather than anything grounded in reality. Wouldn't it make more sense to judge a person based on the content of what they are saying rather than whether they use the same body language as you?

Perhaps but it is in my make up whether social or otherwise to want some eye contact, it justis. Also as someone who has spent most of my life performing in one way or another its always something you are expected to give the audience. I dont mean staring at someone, I mean casual eye contact

[Myimmortalgirl]

I don't have autisim but I hate social interactions.

[talaiporia]

I used to find eye contact really hard because I was painfully shy, but when I was in sixth form, at a parents evening one of my teachers turned to my mother and said "Sophia doesn't make eye contact!" as if I'd done something naughty, and it made me hyper-aware of it.

But then I worked in a shop, and I kind of had to learn to do social things because otherwise I'd have been fired.

[beautiful_seclusion]

I do understand its a social norm and that people expect it naturally. I know the bias is unintentional. But it just seems unfair that people who find eye contact difficult have to take on so much anxiety about it when there's really no reason for it other than a preference. I know our society won't change anytime soon, but it is frustrating that introverts and people with autism are expected to feel distressed constantly over if and how they use eye contact simply because the majority wants it.

I know I was perfectly happy with my social interactions until it was repeatedly pointed out that I was different, and now I have a hyper awareness of it that often leads to outright social anxiety that did not exist before I was told there was something wrong with the way I interact. I have been made to feel less when I was confident before, and I am constantly doubting my social interactions, to the point where I have avoided activities with new people. And often Im told I now over analyze it so much that I think I'm doing something wrong when others don't even notice anything off. It's actually made me more awkward to be aware of it. I personally don't think that's right when the way I interact does not hurt anyone else and often actually makes more sense.

I know first impressions are hard to ignore, but it would help if people would withhold a little judgement and wait to get to know people like me. Because once they get to know me, they realize Im nice to everyone and most my eccentricities go away over time as my comfort increases. And they quickly get used to the ones that don't go away. And even if people are thrown off by a person that interacts differently, such as lack of eye contact, unemotional affect, etc, why point it out? It's really none of their business. They wouldn't like being criticized for things they cant change about their personality, so why are introverts and people with autism criticized for theirs?

Sorry for the essay! I definitely realize people arguing that eye contact is necessary are not intentionally making me or others feel this way. I can understand you get used to what comes natural to you. Hopefully that explanation just helps some of the people on this thread understand what it's like to feel like you were simply born in the wrong society.

[KennedyElizabeth]

I get so uncomfortable if I like can't be on my phone in social situations. It's just awkward and I can't exactly hold eye contact. Its not that I don't want to be with the person, I just suck at keep an attention.