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Old 08-01-2019, 10:50 AM   #101
Cacoethes
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They said they'd restrain me to do my blood sugars so I agreed to have them done.

I had the coke because I thought they would help me with the contamination.
If I went to a medical hosptial now for fluids or whatever then it would be making it worse.

My mum knows I'm here but that's it.
I know she worries a lot and already has lots on her plate. She doesnt need to worry about me as well.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 04:47 PM   #102
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If you were treated with fluids and it made things worse there would be people around to notice and treat whatever symptoms came up.

I understand not wanting to worry your Mum but if you think it would help to talk through things with her then I'm sure she'd rather do that and try and be of support to you.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

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Old 08-01-2019, 06:57 PM   #103
Cacoethes
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Maybe.
I don't think they'll send me to hospital.
As long as my blood sugars stay above 4 then I'm safe.
Its gone below that again just now.
I agreed to have a tea with sugar so I don't have to have the injection again.

She's supportive anyway.
I just know she worries when I go into hosptial.
After all the admissions of 1 year+ in secure units she's worried that's going to happen again.
I don't think it would help to talk to her



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 07:26 PM   #104
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Only you can take control of this..you know deep down that this ‘contamination’ is not logical as you have spoken about it and you are now taking ok some liquid if you were that dead set believing it you wouldn’t of done any of that

You need to think clearly what you want from this admission and how long you are going to stop your life for to be in their

I know it’s blunt but sometimes it is needed

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Old 08-01-2019, 07:32 PM   #105
Cacoethes
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The contamination is real.
You don't know what you are talking about.

I don't want or need anything from this admission because I do not need to be here!



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 07:38 PM   #106
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So, what you want from the admission is to get home? How do you think you might be able to do that? Can you speak to a nurse or doctor and ask what their expectations are?

I'm glad that your Mum is supportive and I respect your decision not to tell her the details about things at the moment. Remember she is there for you though.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 08-01-2019, 08:05 PM   #107
Cacoethes
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I don't know.
They said ward round is on Thursday and Friday.
Which is weird because I'm sure I had ward round yesterday.
So I'll ask in ward round.

Yes she is there for me.
Not heard from her in a few days but that isn't unusual



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 08:30 PM   #108
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I know that you believe the contamination is real and you don't need to be there. I'm really glad you are having some more tea. I hope you can ask in ward round what is needed for you to get home and that you can keep working with them.



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Old 08-01-2019, 08:33 PM   #109
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I’m glad you had more tea. I think people are just trying to understand the nature of the ‘contamination’ so we know how to support you or what advice to offer.

How does not eating or drinking help get rid of the contamination?





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Old 08-01-2019, 08:43 PM   #110
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apologies if you felt that was out of order or too harsh or I misunderstood. I’m just struggling to understand. Logically, what do you think the end result of not eating/drinking will be? And how do you deal with the thoughts re contamination and sugared tea? Perhaps if we understood that, then we could help more?’

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Old 08-01-2019, 09:01 PM   #111
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Not eating or drinking will starve the contamination and it will go.
It makes sense.

The end result of not eating and drinking will be that the contamination will die.

The doctor has put me on olanzapine and more Amisulperide at 5pm and its made me tired.

I am so so done.
I just want to leave



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 09:22 PM   #112
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I understand that’s your thought process but lack of what nutrient/thing is ‘starving the contamination’? Like....what does it need to survive?





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Old 08-01-2019, 09:23 PM   #113
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And how will you know when it’s died?





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Old 08-01-2019, 09:30 PM   #114
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I'm not sure of the specifics.
But if you starve anything for long enough then it will die

I don't know when I'll know.
I presume that I'll find out in the way I found out about the contamination in the first place.
Messages on tv and in music and people telling me.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-01-2019, 10:15 PM   #115
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Have you always been able to get messages from tv/music/people?

I’d agree, if you starve something of an essential element for long enough it dies, but what that element is differs. Plus, surely you’d also die? Unless you’re stronger than the contamination? In which case, surely there is another way to eliminate it?





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Old 08-01-2019, 10:27 PM   #116
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Not always
Just recently

I won't die
I feel totally fine apart from being a bit tired
I don't know of any other way to eliminate it other than letting all my blood out
Which probably has a higher chance of killing me

My blood sugar has gone down again despite the glucogel earlier which I am worried about.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 09-01-2019, 01:38 AM   #117
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The problem with glucogel is that it’s just giving you a short burst of sugar so unless you eat something more starchy your blood sugars will keep peaking and dropping rapidly over and over again. Glucogel is not a one dose fix. Also sugary tea won’t contain enough sugar to raise your blood sugars enough which is why you’re needing the glucogel as well. Just explaining because you seem to think that should have fixed it.

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Old 09-01-2019, 11:54 AM   #118
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That makes sense
Thanks for explaining

Staff are really hassling me today
Its not that I don't want to eat and drink
I do
But I can't
And they don't seem to understand that at all



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 09-01-2019, 02:22 PM   #119
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Not eating and drinking can have a huge impact on your ability to process and comprehend information. Your brain needs fuel to think. I don't mean this to be rude, but it sounds like you are a bit trapped in a cycle where you haven't been eating so you may not be able to reason or think through things surrounding the contamination and messages the way you normally might. Unfortunately it might be that the only way to get out of it IS to start eating and drinking. I know that's not an easy thing (and believe me having been on the eating disorder side of things plus having strong beliefs that eating will harm others and getting the equivalent of sectioned here for it!) I have been in a similar place.

Basically with all of it what I learned is that the only way to get on the other side was to accept support from staff and eat even when my fears and my head told me it was making things worse. You are in a place where if things get worse they can keep an eye on you and help both medically and mentally.

The way I looked at it was that if I ate and drank even for a week to see what happened, and it did make things worse, I could always go back to not eating/drinking if need be. I know it isn't a great long term thought process but in the short term knowing that it was still an option if I needed it got me through.

The other thing is that it will be physically painful and uncomfortable when you eat and drink again at this point. Your body will have to readjust to having things inside of it. That in itself isn't to do with the contamination being worse. It's a natural response as the body adjusts and DOES pass.

I don't know if any of this is helpful. But I guess I just really feel for you as I have been in a similar position so I was trying to explain some of what I had to do to get out of it.

thinking of you.



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Old 10-01-2019, 10:50 AM   #120
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Thanks Camden
What you are saying does make sense. Lots of sense.
It's so hard though.

I had a bad afternoon yesterday.
Was so weak and could barely move.
Had a possible seizure
Refused 5pm meds so they restrained and injected me with them plus the glucose injection.
I slept most of the afternoon.
The doctors are worried about my heart and kidneys.

They tried to get blood this morning but couldn't get any.

I'm a bit of a mess



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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