They said they'd restrain me to do my blood sugars so I agreed to have them done.
I had the coke because I thought they would help me with the contamination.
If I went to a medical hosptial now for fluids or whatever then it would be making it worse.
My mum knows I'm here but that's it.
I know she worries a lot and already has lots on her plate. She doesnt need to worry about me as well.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
If you were treated with fluids and it made things worse there would be people around to notice and treat whatever symptoms came up.
I understand not wanting to worry your Mum but if you think it would help to talk through things with her then I'm sure she'd rather do that and try and be of support to you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Maybe.
I don't think they'll send me to hospital.
As long as my blood sugars stay above 4 then I'm safe.
Its gone below that again just now.
I agreed to have a tea with sugar so I don't have to have the injection again.
She's supportive anyway.
I just know she worries when I go into hosptial.
After all the admissions of 1 year+ in secure units she's worried that's going to happen again.
I don't think it would help to talk to her
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Only you can take control of this..you know deep down that this ‘contamination’ is not logical as you have spoken about it and you are now taking ok some liquid if you were that dead set believing it you wouldn’t of done any of that
You need to think clearly what you want from this admission and how long you are going to stop your life for to be in their
So, what you want from the admission is to get home? How do you think you might be able to do that? Can you speak to a nurse or doctor and ask what their expectations are?
I'm glad that your Mum is supportive and I respect your decision not to tell her the details about things at the moment. Remember she is there for you though.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know that you believe the contamination is real and you don't need to be there. I'm really glad you are having some more tea. I hope you can ask in ward round what is needed for you to get home and that you can keep working with them.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I’m glad you had more tea. I think people are just trying to understand the nature of the ‘contamination’ so we know how to support you or what advice to offer.
How does not eating or drinking help get rid of the contamination?
apologies if you felt that was out of order or too harsh or I misunderstood. I’m just struggling to understand. Logically, what do you think the end result of not eating/drinking will be? And how do you deal with the thoughts re contamination and sugared tea? Perhaps if we understood that, then we could help more?’
I'm not sure of the specifics.
But if you starve anything for long enough then it will die
I don't know when I'll know.
I presume that I'll find out in the way I found out about the contamination in the first place.
Messages on tv and in music and people telling me.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Have you always been able to get messages from tv/music/people?
I’d agree, if you starve something of an essential element for long enough it dies, but what that element is differs. Plus, surely you’d also die? Unless you’re stronger than the contamination? In which case, surely there is another way to eliminate it?
I won't die
I feel totally fine apart from being a bit tired
I don't know of any other way to eliminate it other than letting all my blood out
Which probably has a higher chance of killing me
My blood sugar has gone down again despite the glucogel earlier which I am worried about.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
The problem with glucogel is that it’s just giving you a short burst of sugar so unless you eat something more starchy your blood sugars will keep peaking and dropping rapidly over and over again. Glucogel is not a one dose fix. Also sugary tea won’t contain enough sugar to raise your blood sugars enough which is why you’re needing the glucogel as well. Just explaining because you seem to think that should have fixed it.
Not eating and drinking can have a huge impact on your ability to process and comprehend information. Your brain needs fuel to think. I don't mean this to be rude, but it sounds like you are a bit trapped in a cycle where you haven't been eating so you may not be able to reason or think through things surrounding the contamination and messages the way you normally might. Unfortunately it might be that the only way to get out of it IS to start eating and drinking. I know that's not an easy thing (and believe me having been on the eating disorder side of things plus having strong beliefs that eating will harm others and getting the equivalent of sectioned here for it!) I have been in a similar place.
Basically with all of it what I learned is that the only way to get on the other side was to accept support from staff and eat even when my fears and my head told me it was making things worse. You are in a place where if things get worse they can keep an eye on you and help both medically and mentally.
The way I looked at it was that if I ate and drank even for a week to see what happened, and it did make things worse, I could always go back to not eating/drinking if need be. I know it isn't a great long term thought process but in the short term knowing that it was still an option if I needed it got me through.
The other thing is that it will be physically painful and uncomfortable when you eat and drink again at this point. Your body will have to readjust to having things inside of it. That in itself isn't to do with the contamination being worse. It's a natural response as the body adjusts and DOES pass.
I don't know if any of this is helpful. But I guess I just really feel for you as I have been in a similar position so I was trying to explain some of what I had to do to get out of it.
thinking of you.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks Camden
What you are saying does make sense. Lots of sense.
It's so hard though.
I had a bad afternoon yesterday.
Was so weak and could barely move.
Had a possible seizure
Refused 5pm meds so they restrained and injected me with them plus the glucose injection.
I slept most of the afternoon.
The doctors are worried about my heart and kidneys.
They tried to get blood this morning but couldn't get any.
I'm a bit of a mess
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!