When someone seems confused about what they want

Has anyone ever known anyone who just seemed confused about what they want in terms of hanging out with someone? I've known people in the past who at first seems okay with hanging out a lot but then will say it is too much and even a bit clingy but then go back to their old ways or hang out with someone else a lot despite saying it is too much. And even now, I have a friend that goes back and forth with that.

Goes through phases of wanting to hang out multiple times a week, no biggie. Then there will be a time where she will even say hanging out twice a week is just too much. Now she is in a phase where she wants to hang out up to five or even recently, six times in one week. When people do that, is that a sign that they don't know what they want or could it also signify that they may have a depressive disorder that causes the up and downs.

I don't care either way, we could hang out multiple times a week or just once a week. I just find it confusing when someone likes to hang out 3-6 times a week at one point but then says that is too much, only to want to hang out a lot again. I knew one other person who at first was okay with hanging out a lot with me, but then says hanging out that much makes it appear clingy, yet that person was okay with hanging out with someone else just as much, if not more. Just wondered what causes some people to go back and forth on their views like that.

I learned from dealing with people like that is to not get too close to them. You can still hang out with them but it is best to keep them at arms length. What are your thoughts on why some people may do that? Could it be a form of control? Could it just be the result of not knowing what they want or even having some unknown issues? I know the answer may not be clear or it could vary from person to person. I feel like that kind of behavior is not exactly normal so that is why I believe either the person has issues that they have to deal with, or they don't know what they want, or even just want some form of control. Going from wanting to hang out a lot, to saying hanging out a lot is too much, then going back to wanting to hang out a lot, to me is a bit weird and indicates something is wrong. Just wondered what you guys thought. Like I said, I don’t expect to hang out with someone constantly, I just find the constant back and forth confusing.

[Iamcatbug]

Some people just go through phases of wanting to hang out loads or not at all. It isn’t necessarily anything sinister or a sign of mental disorder. It’s just now some people work.

I’ve noticed you seem to have posted a lot about people’s behaviour in your friendships groups. I’m just wondering why this is an issue for you? It comes across as you are over analysing any action by anyone you know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iamcatbug

Some people just go through phases of wanting to hang out loads or not at all. It isn’t necessarily anything sinister or a sign of mental disorder. It’s just now some people work.

I’ve noticed you seem to have posted a lot about people’s behaviour in your friendships groups. I’m just wondering why this is an issue for you? It comes across as you are over analysing any action by anyone you know.

Well the reason is because most people don’t have this problem and also I have been told by many people over the years that this kind of behavior from anyone is actually not normal. Yes people go back and forth a bit but not to the point of acting extremely eager at one point to practically avoiding at another. Yeah in some causes it can be due to problems, totally get that. But that is not always the case. And like I said, I am not expecting someone to hang out with me all the time. I am not clingy. I just find the constant back and forth between the two extremes a bit confusing since during a phase where the person is super eager, I know that any day the person will ghost out for a long period of time very suddenly, without warning. Only to revert back to being super eager. Not really that normal in my opinion.

[Pomegranate]

Do your posts always relate to the same individuals? I’m just trying to understand because it seems like you struggle a lot with understanding people’s reasons etc and in order to offer advice it would help to know if these are different people or the same person that you’re struggling to understand. Also, I presume you came across this site whilst looking into some kind of problem. Are you receiving any professional support for your problems?

[Pi.R^2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LRgrad15

Well the reason is because most people don’t have this problem and also I have been told by many people over the years that this kind of behavior from anyone is actually not normal. Yes people go back and forth a bit but not to the point of acting extremely eager at one point to practically avoiding at another. Yeah in some causes it can be due to problems, totally get that. But that is not always the case. And like I said, I am not expecting someone to hang out with me all the time. I am not clingy. I just find the constant back and forth between the two extremes a bit confusing since during a phase where the person is super eager, I know that any day the person will ghost out for a long period of time very suddenly, without warning. Only to revert back to being super eager. Not really that normal in my opinion.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind that this isn't normal behaviour and aren't especially interested in other opinions. I'm not sure therefore what the purpose of this thread is?