Hello. I really don't know where to begin. I was talking about stuff with my girlfriend, she is very depressed these days. We haven't been together very long, but she's had a very difficult childhood and life isn't easy these days either. We were talking on messenger, because she is in another town right now on holiday. The last thing she said to me were, I can't do this anymore, and, I love you too. I tried asking what exactly she meant by that, but she won't answer me or pick up the phone.
I don't even know for sure if it's as serious as it can sound like, or not. All I know is she isn't answering me and the next train to there is 09:45 tomorrow morning. I don't even know if I can find her if I go, she's in a cabin in the area, but there's a shitload of cabins there and I don't even know if she would tell me where it is right now if I asked.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
This sounds very stressful for you, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Have you managed to contact her yet? Are you in contact with any of her other friends who might have contact with her?
Sorry for late reply. Her mom found her, hanging from a tree. They got her down, I told her mom to call an ambulance right away. She was unconcious, but she woke up and threw up alot.
She called me later that night and while it was horrible to hear her voice so rough from the choking, it was so good to hear her voice again.
I met her on sunday, she is better now. I mean, not great, but much better. She is away again, with her grandma and her, our, daughter, but she is coming home tomorrow night. I'm ok, but not that ok. I had a bit of a panic attack last night, I think all the stress and shit and the reality of what had just happened hit me all at once. I couldn't think clearly and my hands were shaking like fuck and I hurt myself somewhat. I haven't told her that yet, not before she is back home.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
I'm so sorry to hear this, although very glad that she was found and an ambulance called.
Was she taken to hospital and offered any support? And do you have any support available to you? This is a big thing to deal with and you deserve to have someone to talk to about this and help you get your head round it.
She wasn't taken to hospital, they looked her over to make sure she was allright and they told her mom to not let her sleep alone that night. No, I don't have any support available to me, I quit seeing my shrink a couple of months ago. I've got a friend I can talk to a bit. I'll get my head around this, somehow. Eventually.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
Things aren't actually going that great, she is depressed again and she doesn't want to talk to me. I wish I had the energy to hurt myself, but right now I just can't be bothered. I'm sick and tired of everything.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
Dont take her not wanting to talk with you personally, she may just need some thinking time. There may be things she just simply cant talk to you about right now. Obviously you will need to keep an eye on her and make sure she is safe. Im really shocked that she wasnt offered any support after her attempt. I think yer next move is for both of ye to find a MH professional and start therapy. Please dont hurt yourself, it wont fix anything. Try taking action tomorrow, do just one thing that will improve yer situation i.e Ringing around to find a MH professional & get an appointment, do something to relieve some stress like go for a walk or a drive. Does your girlfriend love animals? I recently started visiting an animal shelter and walking their dogs and I find its like my own little therapy session :) You could ring around to your local shelters and see who needs a hand. I hope things improve for ye soon, be kind to one another and try to make some plans on how ye are going to handle this situation, together! :)
Thank you, I'm sorry I'm not in the mood for consolation. I really fucked up the tattoo on my arm. I'll get back to you later maybe. I'm not in a good place, it's a long story.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
Yesterday, she said she was depressed and I asked what was wrong, but she didn't want to tell me and said she was going to bed. I said, ok and goodnight. A few hours later, she came back online and said hello, so I asked again what had happened, because I wanted to be there for her. She still didn't want to tell me. I told her I know it can be hard to talk about things, but that I wanted to be there to support her. I didn't hear from her again until today, when she texted me that it hurts her that I try to change her, as she put it. I explained that it hurts me that she won't talk to me or let me help her, and I said that is ok, but she got really pissed, threw her phone at her mom and her mom asked me what had happened, so I explained. Now her mom is pissed at me too.
This isn't going well.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
Why does she feel like you are trying to change her? Because you are trying to get her to open up? I dont see why her mother would be angry with you over that though.
Yeah, that's exactly why. Apparently she doesn't want to open up. I have no idea why her mom is angry with me for that.
I'm considering breaking this relationship off, I can't be with someone who chooses to ignore everything and pretend it's all fine and dandy, hangs herself, and then starts to pretend everything is great again a few days later and hates me for trying to help. I'm not breaking it off yet, I really want this to work, but I'm not so sure it will.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
I would, but we haven't had the chance. She's been away.
She's been cutting herself tonight. I don't know how bad. I feel completely calm and detatched from everything. She even sent me a picture of the blood, that's thoughtful. I can't do anything for her from here, except sit here and write and listen to music.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
I need to stay detatched for a while, I can feel it start to wear off.
She called me and she is ok, we talked for a while. It's good to know she is alright, considering. But I don't want all of these thousand things that are starting to come back to wreck my mind come back again already. I might try to get a subscription for a pack of sleeping pills from my doctor tomorrow. I know it might be a bad idea in the long run, but it feels like a great idea. I haven't felt anything remotely resembling calm in way too long, and it's already starting to wear off. It's so nice to be rid of all the white noise, even if it's just for a while. I can think again.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
I didn't call my doctor for sleeping pills. But I don't like the person all of this is trying to turn me into. It might almost be better for everyone that I die the person I am now, rather than them seeing me like this.
Alot of things have happened since my last update, I don't have the energy to write about it right now.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
Sorry things still aren't going well for you. Why did you not call your doctor the other day?
Does she have a reason for having sent you a picture of the blood from cutting herself? That sounds very unnecessary and personally I would ask her not to do that!
I'm not sure what the content of the post you deleted was, but I hope you are OK, and feel free to repost it if you do want to talk about whatever it was.
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I didn't call my doctor because I felt it wasn't the time yet. I don't want to abuse my prescriptions.
I don't know why she sent me that, I've been trying to talk to her about things for a long time, I had enough and wanted to send her back an example, so I took a picture of when I cut myself and sent it to her, but she didn't give a shit. I've a good reason for that, even though it sounds bad. I've been very, very, patient with her and got nothing at all in return. This proved a point. I've asked whst was wrong, no more than that exact thing, and she was pissed at me for days. She claims she wants help, but she does not.
My post that I deleted was about selfharm. I think it might have broken a couple of rules, so I removed it. She isn't worth it anyway.
Abandon hope, ye pitiful ones. Embrace defiance and relent another day.
It sounds like she's in a very bad place but that doesn't excuse her disregard for your feelings and your needs. Do you think putting a bit of distance between the two of you to give you some space might be beneficial at the moment?
