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Giving condolences to someone while they are grieving
Does anyone find it difficult to bring up the passing of someone or give condolences to someone else who is grieving for fear of upsetting them or making them angry? I tend to have this problem especially if I am not close with them. If it is a close friend, it is easier for me to try to console them or at least give condolences. But with anyone else who I may not be as close to, like acquaintances or even coworkers, I usually don't say anything unless they bring it up first. Not because I don't care, but I just don't want to upset them or make them angry.
I've actually had that experience where someone didn't like the fact that I gave my condolences. That was a while back, but I do remember telling someone that I was sorry for their loss. They said thanks but then told me to never bring it up again. It was said in an angry tone as well. The person was a friend a long time ago. I get it, it was in a moment of grief so no one is going to be particularly happy at that moment, but I do believe there is a risk with bringing up someone's loss. I've seen similar reactions from other people as well where someone brings up a loss and the grieving person either gets upset or angry.
I am especially careful when I hear a coworker has lost someone. I never bring up their loss since i don't want to upset them or make them angry at work. Despite other people finding out, they may not like the idea of discussing the matter at work. I just wait until the person brings it up first. The most I'll do is just ask how they're doing, just like a regular greeting. And if they say they are pretty good, despite the obvious, then I take that as a sign they don't want to discuss the matter which is totally understandable. I wouldn't want to discuss it either. In fact, for me, unless I absolutely had to, I wouldn't tell anyone at work that I lost someone. I've held stuff like that from them before.
Now one thing I would never do though is avoid them. I've had people do that to me, which is another reason I don't like telling others about someone who passed away. I think that is rude and makes the person feel even worse. How do you feel when someone brings up a loss you have experienced? Like I've said, it's not because I don't care, and I would never avoid the person. That's just rude, I've had that happen to me and I regretted ever saying anything. But sometimes I think there is a time and a place for bringing up that stuff and maybe even waiting for the person to take the initiative would be the best approach, especially if you are not close with them, like an acquaintance or coworker.
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