Triggering (SI) - "I'm an EMO"...apparently. :(
Heya. I've been self-harming for years on and off and have these last few months started again as a lot of bad things are going on in my life. When I do it, it doesn't hurt...does anyone else feel that? Anyway, I told my friend about 3 days ago now and I don't even know why I told her but I just felt I had to tell someone. So I told her I'd cut myself...she instantly thought I'd meant by accident so I tried to explain to her...she absolutley freaked and started shouting at me saying I'm stupid and trying to be an emo. She said that I'm crazy and it's only going to make my problems worse. She said I was an idiot and attention seeking and since then she hasn't spoken to me...I tried to explain to her after how it made me feel and why I felt I needed to do it but she's not speaking to me. I feel so,so stupid now because I know she's not going to keep in to herself and aswell as all the other crap going on,my friend now thinks I'm crazy. It makes sence to me and I was hoping she'djust listen and try to give me support. Now she wants nothing to do with me, like she's embarassed about me. I cut deep a few days ago and tried to tell her, hoping she'd at least listen the second time after some time to think and she screamed at me. I thought so carefully about telling her and thought it'd be the right thing to do and now I just think how stupid I was. I feel more alone and more of an out-cast than ever. I know that other people do it, and I completely understand why...I personally can not possibly see how anyone could attempt to get through their problems without SI.
I just want someone to talk to about my problems and someone to listen to me and not judge me. I know it's shocking when you first hear it but your friends are meant to be there for you and listen aren't they? I just want everything to be ok and for someone to hug me and let me cry and talk to them. I know SI isn't good, but I can't see anyother way. I also feel so guilty about lying to my friends and family, but after my friends reaction, I don't see I have any other choice.
What do you think?
Take care everyone,
Emilie
xxx
|