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22-06-2016, 11:57 PM
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#1
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fabulous.
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I hate my scars.
I posted about this a while ago and then deleted it because I felt silly.
I have a lot of obvious scars and I hate them. I really hate them. It's been a long time since I self harmed and I really don't think I will ever do it again but I'm still stuck with the scars for the rest of my life. I would like to not hate them, I would like to be able to feel okay about myself. I have no idea how to get there.
On the occasional good day I'll wear 3/4 length sleeves but most of the time, apart from in situations where I have to wear short sleeves (like past jobs) I cover up. No short sleeves, no shorts, no skirts without tights. It sucks. I am so tired of it.
It really upsets me that I will never be able to just wear a t-shirt to work, or take off my cardigan when it's hot. I hate that I can't ever wear short sleeves or go swimming or have a relationship without having ugly scars on show and people knowing that I used to self harm.
I know it's silly but I just would like to feel more relaxed and okay about myself. Feeling so rubbish about it takes up a lot of energy that I'd rather use on other things. I don't know how to get there though.
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"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
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23-06-2016, 09:36 PM
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#3
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Pathologically flamboyant
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
I am currently:
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^skin camouflage sounds like a good idea!
Do you know what in particular it is that prevents you from wearing short sleeves? Is it you having to see them, others seeing them, people potentially asking etc? How did you find it when you wore short sleeves for work- did it get easier over time?
I suspect it's the kind of thing that will get easier if you can start to gradually try out wearing slightly shorter sleeves for short periods of time and building up from there, but I appreciate that that's really scary!! I don't know if maybe it would help to look at it from a slightly different angle- scars are a sign of healing above anything else.
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 23-06-2016 at 09:44 PM.
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No other sadness in the world would do
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24-06-2016, 12:20 AM
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#4
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
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Everybody has realities they have to live with. Ours just happen to be more visible than others.
If something stressful happens I deal with it by asking two questions: a) is there anything I can do about it? and b) can I live with it? Then I think of my scars and of how I can't help them now but I am getting on with life perfectly well, and suddenly everything else seems petty and manageable. They remind me that it could be worse, and that I've survived worse.
Start small. One day I rolled up my sleeves to buy my bus ticket and nobody loved me any less than before. It felt outrageous and shocking and like an adrenaline rush, but only to me. I started exposing my scars when paying for stuff at tills, when the other person is too professional to mention it, or too tired to notice, or too tired to care. It gave me more confidence to screw worrying and enjoy the sun on my skin just because I still can. You might feel like a blinking beacon of crazy but no one else will see it like that. Strangers don't care, people who love you don't care. I still cover up at work and other times when it could be inappropriate, but that's a small price to pay.
I'm sure you will find the right perspective for yourself eventually. Life's too short, and don't we have the best reminder of that.
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On a bed of daffodil sky.
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