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Old 26-01-2014, 10:41 AM   #21
marimar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013

just when i wrote that and when i felt totally crazy, a friend text me and we ended up chatting for half an hour. by the time we finish the anxiety vanished :) i never thought about these after-meal activities that would decrease anxiety because all my meals are strictly planned and that's why i freak out when something unexpected happens. but i'll definitely try things like going out after a meal or calling a friend.
another thing i really find difficult here is that all social activities are lunches or dinners and drink (usually alcohol which also has additional calories... ). i'm really trying to act as a normal person, i love the company of my new collegues but all this eating environment is really making me nervous. Like, last night we went on a dinner and drink and today i'm supposed to go for a lunch. i know it's great that they are so social and want to hang out, i really enjoy that. just i'd appreaciate if anyone of you has any advise or technique on how to deal deal with this. i hate eating with someone, i usually end up eating less that when i'm alone as everything seams too much and i don't know what they put in it.... don't know if anyone also has similar thoughts but i can't seem to stop thinking about the amount and calories of every meal i eat outside... eating in, when i prepare it is much easier

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Old 26-01-2014, 05:21 PM   #22
LittleCloud
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Well done for getting through the anxiety without purging. Wish I could write more, tonight is not good but I wanted to let you know how much I admire the obstacles you are overcoming



So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics



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Old 26-01-2014, 06:23 PM   #23
marimar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013

Thanks :) pm me if you'd like, if talking (or writing) could help xxx

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Old 28-01-2014, 12:42 AM   #24
Speak
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Hye Marimar! I'm sorry I'm only now replying :( I'm currently moving as well.
I'm happy you found a place - I hope it's not too expensive.
Did you manage to avoid purging that time? That can be so hard to do when you are home alone - so good for you for sticking it out.
Do you have a roommate in your new place? I have a really weird thing to confess, teehee, I live alone but I used have an imaginary roommate. It's literary the severed head of some manikin I picked up on the street. I put her (the head) on my desk and call her Liberty. Occasionally, I feel like Liberty is a real person and that makes me not want to harm myself in her 'presence'.
I know it is incredibly bizarre, but in the past that has helped me to feel like I have the 'supervision' you speak about.
Oh my gosh, I was also really worried that somehow my employer would find out if I went to a GP or psychologist :( I guess, essentially, while you naturally want your employer to think the very best of you - having a disorder is something we have to deal with and if our employers think less of us for taking the right steps (i.e. seeing doctors) to take care of ourselves, then our employers are to blame and they are wrong for judging. Ultimately, our health and sanity is on the line. I know it is scary - the thought that your employer might found out - but it is unlikely that they will, right?
Sorry that you can't speak to your therapist as often as you need :( that is hard. Have you found some support groups by now?
Stay strong xoxox

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Old 28-01-2014, 10:38 AM   #25
marimar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013


Hi Speak JSo many changes everybody’s experiencing these days… Are you moving back toyour home country?

I moved this weekend to a new house. I have a 40 year oldlandlady who’s very nice and young looking, so that’s great. I have someone totalk to when I get back from work. It is difficult when you’re on your own sohaving even an imaginary friend is helpful. I don’t think it’s crazy at all, ifI learned something from this ED, it’s that everybody’s crazy in their own way J I also find it helpfulsometimes to talk to myself in the mirror, it helps me express my own feelingsbetter. In my head they all seem confusing and too complicated. I didn’t findany support groups here so I’ll definitely also try talking to myself moreoften, so I can get through this period. I lost a bit of weight (which I’m notproud of) and it worries me… I’m really tall and even a small weight loss is noticeable.I also keep forgetting to take my meds, which is not good. I don’t want to ruinthis great opportunity, it’s a really great step in my career and I want tomake the most of it.

Anyway, tell me how did the move go and where are you inyour recovery now? Maybe we can help each other as we are obviously in similarsituations XXX

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Old 29-01-2014, 08:07 PM   #26
Speak
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Marimar!

Great that you finally move! I just tried your tip about talking to myself in the mirror - it made me feel more hopeful, thank you for the idea.

Is it possible to start your own anonymous support group? How big is the expat community where you live? I suppose I am only asking that because I am not sure if you speak the local language of your new country. I live in Korea and I speak Korean very poorly. I also could not find a support group. But I wish I had tried to start one up online using Facebook, Meetup or Couchsurfers, or http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous....rtmeeting.html

It's good to hear that the people around you are starting to make friends and want to hang out a lot! But I know what you mean about eating out together. I HATE that too. I wonder if it might be useful to start a new thread about that and get advice from more RYL people? I think I'll do so in a couple days. The only strategy that has worked for me in this regard is being very frank about which restaurants I would not enjoy going to, I try and only go to places I feel okay about eating at. Because, for me the awkwardness that comes with being quite firm about where I would like to eat when I am in a group of people - is less awkward than when I end up with a plate of food in front of me I cannot bring myself to eat. But, speaking up about which kinds of restaurants you would be willing to visit is is really hard to do when you are only getting to now the people you are spending time with and if these people also work with you.
I sometimes tell people that I am vegan or have digestive problems and can only eat very healthily in order to avoid eating heavy meals with them - but still keep the opportunity of spending time with them open. In don't know how good or 'right' this is for my recovery - I want to be honest. But, the fact of the matter is that I am not ever going to be honest with my boss or co-worker about my eating disorder.
I am sorry that you are worrying about your weight. You must be flustered right now - so forgetting your meds happens :( Maybe you should put them on top of your toilet paper holder? :D Sorry, I know that's a gross idea, but you'll sure see them when you need to pee.
Oh, thank you so much for asking about my move. It is not going very smoothly, I've said goodbye to my friends here and am spending tomorrow and Friday with my boyfriend to say goodbye before I fly out. I thought I was doing really well, but today I just felt so terrible, I let my anxiety get to me - even though I knew the anxiety would pass - and purged for the first time in a long time, I almost couldn't believe what I was doing, throwing away what I had worked so hard for - and it ended up being a day of purging and that is really devastating to me. Sorry to be a downer when you are also not feeling great right now. You are right, you have a wonderful opportunity for yourself and your career - you sound so sincere and determined when you say you want to make the most of it. And that truly makes me think that you can. Don't let the anxiety right now get to you, just remind yourself that it will start to lessen the more that you are in your new environment.
Yes, it's really good to know there is someone in a similar situation. Thank you so much for being honest with your struggles in this thread xxoxo Talk soon.

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Old 08-02-2014, 09:29 AM   #27
marimar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013

It's been exacly 3 weeks I'm here and the first two were good but this third is terrible. I'm trying to learn about food in order to accept it and that's fine. I've been ill for 2days and stayed at home but didn't really relaxed. I feel a bit more relaxed with food, did't have anxiaty attacs but i've been feeling half dead. I don't know if the meds are making me feel like this but i just want to stay in bad and not do anything. I can't even cry, my whole energy is gone... don't know what to do or how to make myself move from this state. Please if anyone has any sugestions, i'd appreciate it.
. I'll just curl back in bad for now....

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Old 08-02-2014, 11:40 AM   #28
LittleCloud
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Is there a doctor you can see?
If your energy is so low maybe you have some kind of an infection?
I've found vitamins pretty good for building up strength, but they won't work overnight



So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics



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Old 09-02-2014, 01:00 PM   #29
Speak
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Marimar, I'm sorry to hear about your struggle...Sending you a msg.

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