really struggling *trigger verbal abuse + SH*

[babii.blu.eyes.]

my dad has been sick for many years..he was diagnosed when i was 11 as having a terminal illness..but he surpassed the time the drs gave him to live..and when we moved to vic he was re-diagnosed as having multiple disorders and problems but not being terminal..however it was all still bad news..a benign brain tumor..brain meningeomas (sp?)..muscle distraphy of some form..osteoporosis..fibromyalgia..and more recently having TIA's (mini strokes)..
he can be so funny and charming and have a laugh..but at the drop of a hat he can turn on you..he would never hit anyone..or physically abuse anyone..but the verbal abuse and mind games seem so unbearable some times..im moving out of home in a couple of weeks but honestly it couldnt happen sooner..i wish i was moving right this minute..
i told my psychologist how i was scared to go home last week and she made me promise to come to group (therapy) on friday and to keep myself safe..she wanted me admitted to hospital but my psychiatrist wanted to try and contain it out of hosp..then on friday i talked to another psychologist cause mine wasnt available..and she wanted me admitted then..but my psychiatrist doesnt work on fridays either so they couldnt do anything so i left feeling like it was hopeless..not that i WANT to go into hospital..
i promised them all i would keep myself safe and not SH..but i have harmed myself once..and i want to do it again..im honestly thinking of just asking my psychiatrist on wednesday morning (when i have my app) if she can admit me just till i move house..cause i dont know if i can keep myself safe AND live at home right now..hes been worse..but im not stable right now so everything seems worse..and i just feel like i have nowhere to turn..and i have to wait till wednesday for my app..it feels like a lifetime..

i guess i just need support..or to know im not just being stupid..or an attention seeker for ASKING to go into hospital..who asks for that? i hate hospital..i just dont see many other options..the psychologist on friday kept trying to come up with solutions..like staying with my brother or my friend..and i said it wasnt possible because both had said it isnt right now (my friend normally would be up for it but shes really busy cause shes a med student)..and they kept saying 'but cant you stay with them anyway'..and when i said no they said i was just putting up walls..im not putting up walls on purpose..the walls are real reasons..and if i could stay somewhere else i would but it really isnt realistic..and then they kept saying 'well come down to melb for the day to see a friend'..it takes me 2.5-3hrs to get to melb from home and to do that i need someone to drive me 40min to the train station then pick me up from the train..and there is no one to drive me and i dont drive..they said to go to my local library..but we dont have one right now cause its being renovated..its not that i dont like the suggestions..its that none of them could work at this point..i dont think she realises i really do live in the middle of nowhere..and im stuck here in a bad situation..internally and externally..*screams*..i just dont know what to do.

xxox.
anna.

[Han7777777]

Hey hunny, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be out of a bad situation, I'm sure nearly everyone on this board will understand that. There were times when I wanted to be admitted, because I just wanted to be safe and cared for. You are not stupid or attention seeking. You need help and deserve it. Keep persevering hun, you'll be free soon xxx

[troubleshooter]

Honey, stay in the hospital until you get into your new home. *hugs gently* Explain to your psych about the situation. She's good and she'll help you. Someoen who wants to go into the hospital know what they need to be cared for properly. *hugs* Be safe.