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Old 14-01-2020, 04:55 PM   #1
not_so_insig
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Feeling low

For some reason I feel low and lacking in energy. I just want to hide away and am sleeping tons. Yesterday apart from half an hour I didn't want to get out of bed and didn't get up until about 5.25 pm. I didn't bother getting dressed. Today I didn't wake up until 2.30 pm and although I am out of bed I am not dressed. I cba to cook (even though I love cooking) and tv doesnt interest me. Even programmes that I normally enjoy.

My cpn is coming on the 22nd so I will mention it then. I cant phone her before then as my cmht stupidly decided to install one of those press 1, press 2 etc and it would cost me more money to call them. Not to mention that I find those things stressful anyway and Idk which option to press anyway. Not to mention that half the bloody time they dont answer the phone. Plus Idk what my cpn can do other than get me a psych appointment which I dont want plus it will be February at the earliest.

I always find January hard anyway as my mh goes downhill in January. I dont feel like harming myself but I guess it's apathy. I am just hoping that it will go away soon.



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"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 14-01-2020, 06:22 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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I'm sorry things are hard for you right now. It's good that you recognise it as a January thing in a way because hopefully that means it will pass. Are you at least doing the basics? Eating ok even if you're not cooking much? It's ok to just do what you need to right now. I know it's awful feeling low though. Does nothing help at all, even just a little to get away from the feelings? I hope you can speak to your CPN when she comes, maybe even just taking things through with someone who knows you would be helpful. Has anything helped in the past when you've had a low January?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 14-01-2020, 07:18 PM   #3
not_so_insig
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Thanks for your reply Lindsay. I am still eating though not terribly good atm because I cba to cook. I am still showering atm. Today I just sat in the dark all afternoon because even the thought of turning my light on was too hard. I just sit there when watching tv barely remembering the programme even though I know that I have watched it.

It helps to go to the park at the bottom of the road but today was just awful weather wise that I didn't want to leave the flat. Idk what helped in the past as I can't remember. I am scared that I will be forced to go IP as 6 years ago today I was IP due to low mood.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 15-01-2020, 12:01 PM   #4
one_step_closer
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Can you try doing very small things to gradually work towards getting back to your routine and managing things? Maybe if you took very small steps it would be manageable. Do you think you will go for a walk when the weather is better? I know it can be hard to get out but also that it can be really useful. How are you today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 15-01-2020, 07:19 PM   #5
not_so_insig
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I have been texting Lorraine and she has being saying that the most important thing is that I am eating and drinking. I am drinking my normal amount but I am not getting as hungry as I normally do. I have to force myself to eat. I have been to the park at the bottom of the road but didn't stay long because of the fact there was a biting wind and I didn't have any gloves. But it forced me to get dressed which I havent done since Sunday.

I feel low today. I was supposed to go swimming but my aunt cancelled on me and I just went back to bed. Apart from answering the door to the postman I didn't bother getting up until 2.35 PM.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 16-01-2020, 12:39 PM   #6
one_step_closer
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I'm glad you're still drinking ok, keep trying with the eating. Even if it's just snacks or the components of a meal - e.g. bread, cheese, ham, whatever, instead of making a sandwich/meal if that feels like too much. It's really great that you managed to get to the park, well done. Will you try that again? You normally only go once a week, right? Could you go more often if it's close to you and easyish to get to? If people keep their plans with you do you think you would be able to go to things?

How are you today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 16-01-2020, 04:26 PM   #7
not_so_insig
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Thanks Lindsay. I will try to eat. At the moment a proper meal feels too much. I dont think that I have lost weight so it's not a problem.

I will try to go to the park more but I dont tend to go when it's raining. It's dull and wet today. I feel slightly better today and am dressed right now. You are right that I usually only go once a week to the park. I will probably go swimming next week if my aunt goes. I am supposed to go to the hearing voices group on Tuesday.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 16-01-2020, 05:01 PM   #8
one_step_closer
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Keep going, you sound like you're doing the best you can and that's ok.

Are you planning on going to the group? I think it would be good for you to have some company if you can manage. Sticking to your routine as much as possible is a good idea.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 17-01-2020, 02:43 PM   #9
not_so_insig
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Thanks Lindsay.

Yes I do plan on going to the group. That if I can get up in time.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 17-01-2020, 02:58 PM   #10
one_step_closer
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I hope you do make it. When would you need to be out of bed by? Will you set an alarm? How are you feeling today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 17-01-2020, 03:21 PM   #11
not_so_insig
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I have tried setting an alarm but I just sleep through it. I am a heavy sleeper anyway but I cant seem to wake up. I have tried going to bed early but I just dont sleep! My group is at 1 pm but I have to leave the flat at 12.15 pm due to bus times.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 18-01-2020, 12:21 AM   #12
not_so_insig
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I managed to eat my first proper meal in about a week. Admittedly my parents prepared it for me and it was just salad so not very heavy. But I feel guilty that I have been a pig and full of self loathing. Idk why. Yet today I have been feeling better emotionally. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep as long as I have been doing as I woke up at 11.30 am. Ok not terribly early but a lot better than 2.30 pm!



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 18-01-2020, 12:05 PM   #13
one_step_closer
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Those are positives Dawn. I think that staying in bed too much really does make you more tired and low so I hope you can get your sleeping pattern back to normal. I'm sorry you felt guilty about eating, there's nothing to feel guilty about but I can understand your mind being horrible to you. I hope you can keep eating and build back up to having more proper meals. How are you today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 18-01-2020, 06:17 PM   #14
not_so_insig
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I tried getting up early but nope I woke up at about 1.30pm despite setting an alarm clock. I feel a bit better emotionally today and I have only ate today because my mum made it.

Also another symptom of my low mood is that normally I have a shower every day. I dont wash my hair every day. Lately I havent been showering every day.


Last edited by not_so_insig : 18-01-2020 at 06:26 PM.


Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 18-01-2020, 07:27 PM   #15
one_step_closer
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Make sure you mention all this to your CPN. Does your Mum know how you're feeling?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 18-01-2020, 07:50 PM   #16
not_so_insig
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No my parents know very little about my mh and I dont want to tell them everything.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 19-01-2020, 11:26 AM   #17
one_step_closer
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I can understand that. Do you have enough support from other people?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 19-01-2020, 12:39 PM   #18
not_so_insig
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Yes I do. Lorraine (Sketchy) has been a great support since she often suffers from low mood and my rl friend too. I know that my cpn will be a great resource when I tell her on Wednesday. I am only awake early because my dad woke me up,as I am at my parents house atm.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 19-01-2020, 02:00 PM   #19
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I'm glad you do have some good supportive people in your life. Have you seen your friend recently? Do you feel ok about being up early?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 19-01-2020, 07:22 PM   #20
not_so_insig
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No I havent seen my friend lately as she's part time in the local university and she has had tons of exams/assignments. Not that I would probably be able to get up in time anyway.

I feel better during the day when I get up early. The biggest problem seems to be waking up early. A few times I have tried setting an alarm clock but I just sleep through it. If I could wake up early I know that I would be better emotionally.

I am going to try to use my slow cooker again this week so that way that I have a decent meal inside me. The beauty of the slow cooker is that there's very little prep needed so that you can forget about it and it's extremely difficult to overcook things in a slow cooker so I can eat whenever I feel like it. I think the biggest problem cooking wise is that I dont feel like slaving over a stove so I can start whenever I feel I have got the energy since slow cookers take several hours to cook the food.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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