Becky I definitely agree that you should get legal representation if your CPN can't help you with that you could contact CAB or PALS and they should be able to advise you about what you need to do.
Generally social services don't want to take a child away from their primary caregiver because it is an absolute nightmare but you need to do everything you can to show that you are serious about caring for your baby and someone with more knowledge of the legal side would be able to help you with that. Some people can be judgemental because you have MH problems but it is up to you to try and be strong and prove them wrong.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
im going to do my best, im going to try and phone PALS on tuesday. thats when my meeting is, but there will be more meetings, unless something awful happens before tuesday, they are just going to be putting a plan in place.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
This here is a link to directgov's page on community legal advice where you get a phone consultation and they can advise on legal aid and where to go for suitable representation, also what to expect, they can send you paperwork etc worth giving them a call x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Im 4 weeks pregnant, and terified i just wanna get to 12 wks .. but my question is does it actually get any better afyer the 12 weeks or even after babys born
Being terrified? It happens regularly when you have kids, mine still scare the bejeebus out of me on a regular basis, climbing, falling, putting things in their mouth, doing silly things etc
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I was terrified of becoming a mother and my therapist thought it was a fear of babies so made me go out with my cpn in public and just look at babies! It was so embarrassing and pretty pointless but my point is now I have a baby its really not that hard. In the begging all they do is eat sleep and poo. And then as they grow older they gradually need more things but you learn with your baby your not just chucked in with a 2 year old. I stayed in hospital for longer to learn how to do stuff like changing and feeding but tbh because he got an infection after a day I wanted to leave because there is nothing to learn. The hardest thing I found and still find is being left alone with him because I freak myself out and think its way harder then it is but that's only because I have a very supportive partner but it has got a lot better :) and if your in a mother and baby unit you will get support.
I assume they are concerned with neglect rather then physically harming your baby and when you are in the unit I guess it will be pretty hard to do that because if your struggeling you can ask for help! But I understand how scary it is having someone watching all the time because when they were called on me I was terrified with every scratch he had given himself.
Also its been right for me that my baby has given me something to live for because if I were to run away and the police where called or I stopped taking my meds I have been told they would probably take him away so its forced me to stay "normal" although I still get depressed and have the thoughts I can't act on them
I agree with the others, for me having a baby gave me a reason to live, someone who totally relied on me. It also helped (and still helps) that I don't think anyone can be the mummy that I want to be to him.
You learn everything as you go. Beckie I had to learn to be an adult and live independently at the same time, like lots of young mums, and you do it because you have to and because your beautiful baby needs you to. Just because you've been in hospitals for ages, to me that means nothing about you're abilities to parent a baby, you're just in the same boat as I was in that respect, and as most teenage mums who move out when baby's born. x
I feel like such a failure. I can go out to my parents or out with them or my in laws or hubby and I can manage baby group (which has finished) and the doctors when needed. But anythig else is out of the question.
I managed 2-3 walks when I was still in therapy with lots of coaching. But I'm currently without support and it's left me house bound when there's noone to come out with me. I can manage to drive to one friends house but she works all day and the others I can't do anymore.
My son is thriving right now as he has 1-2-1 time with me 7+ hours a day but I'm falling apart being at home on my own so much.
Even when I go out with someone I've stopped being able to go in some shops or to the counter in food shops etc.
My hubby I'm sure just thinks I'm lazy and noone else knows as I'm too embarrassed and end up lying saying I'm going out.
This morning I'd psyched myself up to go to a local shopping centre to get some things for our holiday and some food shopping and now I've bottled it. So another long day inside. Even though it's lovely outside.
I don't need any replies I just feel safe posting her.
Please don't tell me I'm an awful mum. I know that already.
i dont know what its like having a baby yet, but i can imagine its really difficult on your own, and for someone who already had problems with depression and mental health, it would be even more difficult.
have you got a cpn you could talk to about this? it sounds very stressful for you, but it is in no way your fault.
can you pinpoint exactly why you dont want to go out?
xxx
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I have a CC but I've seen her once since Christmas so its not really support. To be honest I haven't had much support since october. Have an appt soon though but I still don't really know how she's supposed to help me so we will see.
I'm just scared and anxious. To the point where I end up in tears thinking about going. Plus I have noone telling me or encouraging me to go out. I know I'm my own responsibility though. Noone else should have to help me leave the house.
ultimately, it is up to you, but that doesnt mean you dont need a push in the right direction. being anxious about going out is a totally valid thing, and i think you know as well as i do that its not as easy as 'pull yourself together'.
i would get on to your CC. she doesnt sound like she is doing a lot to support you, sometimes it helps just to rant to someone. dont be afraid to ask her questions.
*hugs*
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
They are still meetig up on a Thursday but I can't for few weeks and I don't know if the gap will make it impossible for me to go. I'm gonna try though but I can't imagine they'd want me in their friendship group so I can't push meeting up any other time. Plus I can't go to some places but I couldn't explain that to randomers. They're all so normal :/
i think you would be surprised how many other mums have the same kind of fears and worries. i cant say from experience, but i can say from talking with my mum, friends etc.
it sounds like you dont really think very much of yourself right now, just remember that having a baby is a humongous change in your life, and it is going to take a while to adjust to your new life.
(again, i cant talk from experience, only observation and such)
it would be really, really good if you could go out today, but dont beat yourself up if you feel you really cant do it.
xxx
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
ill start where you finished, you are as normal as them, believe it or not they will all have things that they struggle with they are just different.
and by admiring to us and yourself you are struggling is a big step and the first step in dealing with this problem.
I think you need to talk to someone you trust sadly we are all too far away to help, wish I could pop round and have a coffee with you.
Can you talk to your partner? Im sure if he loves you (which by the fact he has stuck with you so far shows he does) he will want to support you, and even if you just manage to get out the door one day and half way along the road, he will appreciate what a big achivement that is and be able to encourage you.
as for the other mums, I can see that is a big step but you dont want to loose contact Im sure they would love to have you, you may even find some of them struggle with going out too. If they are still meeting up over the summer that will give you motivation to go out, and maybe if there are places you are uncomfortable once you have been a couple of weeks if they suggest somewhere your uncomfortable, you could suggest somewhere you are instead.
I do know how hard this must be for you, I remember when I struggled even to answer the door
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