*hugs iloverats* sorry to hear your experiences. i hope the EIT can help you. would you like to try meds or therapy?
*hugs eclectic*a* good luck with the assessment
Iloverats, really sorry to hear about your experiences. I hope the other you gets in a better mood soon. Do you think you'd prefer to go on meds? How old are you now if you don't mind me asking? I know what you mean about the "silly" things, when you know it isn't real or possible but somehow it is. It's very confusing and frustrating.
I'm having a crappy few days. Really depressed and fed up and irritated with everything. My family are trying to get me to do things and cheer me up but I just want to be left alone, which makes me ungrateful and s**t but then again I am s**t. Anouk has started talking about making myself throw up and that I'm fat and shouldn't eat and how I can lose weight. She has also been talking a lot about suicide, how I should do it and how it would make everyone's lives a lot easier. Been SIing a lot to keep Her happy and I'm just so sick of this. Grandparents are visiting tonight so I'm looking forward to pretending to be happy. Ha.
Sorry for going on I'm just in a bad mood.
Hope everyone has a good day and hugs to all who need them xxx
banana89 - i'm 18 now. and i dont really know about meds, i've heard bad and good things, but i'm not sure what my opinion is, i guess i'll have to try them to find out...if they offer them.
i'd prefer things to get better with theray...but i have no faith really, i cant see that helping me.
waiting in the dark - that answers your question too :)
sorry your having a bad day banana89 *hugs*
its so hard having to pretend things are normal around family
I'm in my nans right now and the man wants me to cut
:-/
its hard, I feel like crying a bit, I just want him to leave me alone
Can lack of sleep my pychosis worse?
I haven't been sleeping well lately (I suspect because my anti-depressants are making me kind of hyper)
and the voices are getting worse.....
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
alienshe_cheesycake yes i think lack of sleep makes things worse for me.sorry to hear that the man is there, its most awful when around family i think. keep safe.xxx
i don't know how to stay in the elusive place between "not experiencing the Controllers" and "ill". been talking to my CPN today about holographic worlds and the purple wastelands of Aeon and that i ran out of my medication, so she is phoning me tomorrow to see if i got that sorted. but i don't know why to take my medication when this is palpably real and i need to carry out a mission.
i'd rather stay here where They are not noisy but around. i'd rather not get "unwell" and end up in the sterile environment of a ward. but i don't know how to stay in control. i go round and round in circles over and over again and i have for years. i never do.
banana89, i hope Anouk stops bothering you so much. it is very tiring when things are noisy all the time. do you have any ways of distracting yourself from her? maybe it would be helpful to do little bits with your family to hopefully cheer you up, but balance it with spending time on your own.
Hey guys, hope you all had ok days. If not then good days!
Iloverats - yeah I know what you mean. I am now on anti depressants and anti psychotics. I hate the idea of being "on meds" but things are so bad I just thought I should try anything. I'm not sure if my personal experience will be helpful to you with regard to both meds and therapy, since everyone reacts differently, but let me know if you'd like someone's view on it.
Alienshe Cheesycake sorry to hear the man's telling you to cut. Hope he starts to leave you alone soon. Yeah I hate it around family. I feel I have to try harder to cover up because I love them and don't want to worry them. As it is my mum told them I'm feeling "a bit down at the moment" (she's under strict instructions not to tell anyone the truth lol) which meant my grandad tried to say something nice and I just felt awkward and barely spoke all evening. Sigh. Everyone's being so nice to me, I really don't know why I'm being so crap about it. Anyway. Yeah I think lack of sleep makes psychosis worse. Maybe ask your doc about something to help you sleep or something?
Plastic how you doing at the mo?
Laura, sorry to hear about your situation. I know what you mean. Some of the voices/ people I have are sometimes very comforting. Certainly Lola the little girl and Anais are. It's frustrating when they tell you just to take some kind of meds. I often feel like they're just bulldozing over my mind, just because they can't see the same reality that I do. That's probably not good advice though! Did you CPN have any suggestions?
Waiting in the Dark hope you had a good day.
I feel like such a knob because I'm being so ungrateful about everything. My family and bf are trying really hard. It's just the last few days my depression has been absolutely overwhelming and I'm filled with anger for no apparent reason so it's just difficult. Anyway it may be a bad night, my laptop's f**ked so I can't be online much, and Anouk has been going on about various types of vandalism and also suicide. Urgh.
I don't know how you guys do this. I know they aren't actually real but they scare me and I want them to stop so much. I know I should distract myself etc but sometimes I think I should just do waht they say and it will all be ok.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I don't cope with it well at all. I just obey Them and do stupid things and get worse and worse. So I hope you cope better than me!!! Distraction is hard, I know what you mean sometimes I just don't want to bother with it. But it's safer and healthier to try and distract yourself. Sometimes I find watching a film about mh issues helps, because then I don't feel like I'm just ignoring what's happening, but it does distract me from doing silly things. Hope you get through tonight xxx
I've recently been diagnosed with psychosis NOS. I thought people could read my mind. I didnt really have any other symptoms associated with typical psychosis - like hallucinations or voices. I'm now taking a low dose of risperidone. It's effective. The only real noticeable side effect is slight constipation which is manageable through laxatives.
Hello. Just thought I'd give you all a brief idea of what I'm going through before I start posting in here.
I've been hearing a girl, Beth, for over a year now. And in October I started hearing a man's voice. Beth tells me to hurt myself, kill myself and always puts me down. The man used to stick up for me and look after me, and told me that everything Beth said was a lie. Then he turned on me. Now he's aggressive, and says disgusting sexual things to me. They both tell me to hurt people, sometimes even kill.
I believe there are spies watching me all the time. I used to believe it was the police, but now I've realised that the spies work for someone else (though I don't know who). They sit outside in black cars and they've set up cameras and mics all around my house. They're waiting for me to slip up; do stuff the voices tell me to do, hurt people, lash out (which I used to do regularly before the spies). And when I do, they are going to kidnap me and either brainwash me so I forget my life as it is now; my family, my friends, my goals and achievements. Or kill me. This is because they know about the voices and if I do start listening to the evil spirits and following their evil commands, then I don't deserve my life.
*Deep breath* Sorry for taking up so much room. I just needed to explain fully to people who wont judge me.
Sandy I'm glad to hear that you are dealing with things better now and that the meds are working for you.
Zowie I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds really scary. Generally my voices/ people come to a decision and kind of gang up on me. I can't imagine how scary it must be being in the middle between the voices and the spies. How do you cope with it? Are you on any meds? I hate it when one of the voices turn on you. Anouk is the bad one and Anais is the good one in my head. But Anais is bullied by Anouk and although She sticks up for me, She always has to back down. But recently She's just been telling me to do what Anouk says, so that She doesn't get in trouble, and so that we can all get on easier in my head. I hope you're ok xxx
I've not been doing very well recently. Last night I went for a walk about 1am (I'm not allowed to leave the house so obviously Anouk made me). I kind of vandalised something and I feel so pathetic and ashamed about it now. Anouk had been telling me to all day. She's getting more aggressive and violent. I was exhausted and fell asleep before I could SI. So today I made myself throw up and I SIed quite badly. Feel like such a piece of sh*t. I hate the fact that my boyfriend and family are so supportive and lovely, but I'm deteriorating. I want to recover for them, but I'm not.
hi Zowie
hi everybody
no reason - it isn't easier to do as they say, it makes things worse. i used to think the Voice was just something out my head and i resisted him, but after a while he started getting more insistent. i went along with what he said and he got louder and stronger until now i realise that he's real. i would've liked to stay thinking he was a part of my head, he had much less control back then. so basically, yeah, obeying makes things harder because They always want more from us.
*hugs banana89* hopefully things will get better in their own time if you persevere
Although I'm currently awaiting a psychiatric assessment, I thought it would be a good idea to seek some solace with the fine people of RYL until then, if that's ok with you guys.
So, a little info on why I'm in this thread.
I hear a male voice in my head, he always puts me down, tells me that I'm not worthy of the help I'm getting, undeservng of the friends I have. But now he's started to say that my friends aren't who they seem, and that bugs are coming in swarms to get me through the windows. "We're creating an alibi" is another popular one, and I keep being shown an image of a girl in my room where I live, with her wrist cut. I can fully interact with the picture, but the only thing I can't see is her face. Everything is becoming so much worse now, and I have nowhere to turn. It's so unbearable at times.
Welcome Zowie - sounds really scary. are you getting any help for it currently?
banana89 - *hug* Sorry to hear you've had another rubbish day :( Do you think the meds are starting to have any effect yet?
Welcome Marilyn - of course it's ok to share :) When is your assessment? Sounds scary, I hope the assessment is the beginning of things becoming more positive for you *gentle hug*
I'm actually having an okay day today, but had a semi-rubbish evening yesterday with everyone laughing at me when I had to go food shopping. Does feel safer to be back in my room and I'm thankfully having a quiet day today.
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