Beckie, have you asked them why you're there and what the plan is? I agree with the others, your typing does not agree with your statements saying you're fine. Also you saying you don't know why they're scared of you/ think you're agress, well if I was somewhere and someone was throwing chairs around, even if it was a couple of days ago, I'd be a bit weary alongside that you seem to have a lack on insight which again is going to make them worry a bit more. There's also the view that you have had seizures whilst you've been in and one reason they may be keeping you on 1:1 and possibly even why they keep injecting you (if it's with benzos) may be related to that and wanting to keep you safe from that point of view. Are they aware of the epilepsy meds that you're supposed to take and have they got some there for you?
When you've asked the staff things have you remained calm throughout too as not doing may also make them more reluctant to tell you everything and also if you're not calm you may miss parts of what they're telling you. I know it must suck but in the long run it will be better for you.
Kind of! no one wants to give me a straight answer!!!! And literally everyone I've asked has no idea why I'm still.on 1-1!!!
I didn't really get a ward round because it was kind of hijacked by an mha and putting me from a 5:2 to a section 2 so ill probably see a doc tomorrow.
The nurse from upstairs put in a good word for me and I've bee let out for a cigarette with 2 staff so km.Sooooo happy about that! !!
but it's on he condition that the mattes stays on the bed
I had a look at the assessment notes thing from the MHA and it says I'm incredibly paranoid but I'm not paranoid! !!!@ and it says I'm 'very unwelll' but I'm not!!!! I don't know what they heard when I was talking buy they certainly weren't listening! !!!!
They only kept injecting me because they kept sating I needed meds to calm.down bit I didn't! !!!!
It's just cos the night staff are lazy and just can't be arsed in general!! I just don't get tired!!!
They know I have epilepsy but they said they were false seizures and keep questions who diagnosed me so I don't honk they believe me!!! Lolz!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Sorry Becky but I have to agree with what other people are saying here. You are not calm at all. You are ranting a lot about being in hospital and saying they are wrong.
You've admitted yourself that you have been throwing things around and regulaly mention you are pacing, which suggests that you are not calm.
If thry thought you were ok you wouldn't still be in there.
They also might not be telling you why you are there because they are worried it could be detrimental to your health. Which given your reaction to being kept in I understand why they may not be telling you everything.
I thought that they did tell you why you are currently there- that they suspect you have bipolar or a similar personality disorder with mood shifts. I think you know this to be at least partly true as you've had other professionals recently mention this diagnosis.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I have a named nurse now who didn't like me the other day because of the mattress thing ad I laughed at her and she shoved me back in my room to make my bed but I just laughed but she likes me today! Have to do a care plan thing with her tomorrow :/
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Yeah, but they're kind of the be all and end all right now because they weren't written by a doc with no psych training, the were written by the psych professionals who put me.on the section I'm On now!!!!
Haven't been injected tonight so that's all good!!! Lol!!!
I'm still up but the staff aren't bothered because I'm behaving myself
Apparently I'll see the consultant tomorrow :/
literally no idea what to expect!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I suppose so!
Apparently I should see a doctor at some point today! Hopefully soon!!
And I could really do with some more clothes and stuff and definitely need to get out for more fresh air. Even if I didn't smoke, I am.in serious need of some fresh air because it's horrible in here!!! All stuffy and eugh! I'm pretty sure it is against my human rights to be locked inside!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Unfortunately being on a section they're perfectly within the law to keep you inside, where you've got access to food, water and air conditioning. I know it sucks, and I know how much I craved fresh air when I was first sectioned. The only way to get it is to behave and do as they say so you're no longer a risk outside.
Hopefully when you see the doctor later they'll let you have some escorted leave.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Just had ward round. This is complete bullshit!!! The doctor is a dick!!! I told him why I came here and he was like 'so you contacted the bbc for attention?!' Like I suppose in a way I was and he was just making out like I was lying because I couldn't remember some stuff. And I'm not getting any leave becase.apparently I've only been here 24 hours and over the weekend I was incredibly difficult apparently but anyway he's going to start me on a depo of anti psychotics!!!!!
Like wtf?! I asked why and he said it would stop me being impulsive. Like ok then.....
I don't like him. He was so arrogant and clearly thought I was taking the piss!!
He said to try the depo and engage with ot and then we'll see about leace so that could be days and I really need to be outside!!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
At least doing OT might take your mind off things and give you some distractions? If they see you engaging then they'll be more likely to give you leave soon. Plus the depo will start to work soon and you'll be able to think more clearly and settle down.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Thing is a lot of the ot stuff are things I can't do anyway like walking and cooking and stuff that involves being off the ward! Because the ****ing doctor won't let me off the ward!!!! I don't NEED medication and why did he go straight to depo? !
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Do you remember a while ago investigating which anti-psychotics came as a depot as it was something you thought you might consider? When you have simmered down a little bit I think you might start to agree with them a little more.
Do you think you could talk to them about what you can do to be allowed to do the groups and allowed outside etc?
It must be frustrating being there at the moment but challenging them isn't going to "go ok we will let you do xyz now" is it!
But there's nothing wrong with me!!!!
I remember looking at a depo for epilepsy meds but there aren't any.
Why would he want to start on a depo anyway?! It doesn't make sense!!!
I'm actually considering just murdering everyone on the ward and then just leaving and you know it's bad when that's seeming like a legit solution XD
But I'm bored and trapped and irritable ad still on 1-1 for some reason and they're not telling me anything! !!!
I did a group earlier.
I'm so so so frustrated. I was fine before I came here!!! And now I'm agitated and frustrated and tearful!!! I was fine at home! !!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
But there's nothing wrong with me!!!!
I remember looking at a depo for epilepsy meds but there aren't any.
Why would he want to start on a depo anyway?! It doesn't make sense!!!
I'm actually considering just murdering everyone on the ward and then just leaving and you know it's bad when that's seeming like a legit solution XD
But I'm bored and trapped and irritable ad still on 1-1 for some reason and they're not telling me anything! !!!
I did a group earlier.
I'm so so so frustrated. I was fine before I came here!!! And now I'm agitated and frustrated and tearful!!! I was fine at home! !!
Beckie,
You have been in this exact position before, and when it's been over you've agreed that you needed to be admitted. Every time something like this happens people on here have been spot on about how you are. I think you need to listen to them. When we're not well, sometimes we need people on the outside to tell us what's going on with us.
You have to realise that contacting the BBC isn't a normal thing to do (I don't know the full story but I think I can guess) and questioning how to prove immortality on Facebook isn't either.
As much as you'd like to keep trying to convince yourself you were fine at home, you weren't. What about randomly going to France when you were off sick at work? Hiding from CQC? None of these things show you're okay. If people at work had to hide me from SALA or someone, I know something would be seriously wrong. I think you know this too.
Well done for going to a group. How was it?
At the end of the day, you're sectioned and you're stuck there until you co-operate and they can see you're engaging. Yes, it sucks and it's annoying and you don't want to be there, but you are so you can't change it. Anything you do to resist is only going to prove their point.
Chances are, they're doing it by depot to make sure you take it and don't mess around with the tablets - I believe you said you tried to hide some medication and they found out?
You are finally being offered all the things your old CMHT wouldn't offer so why not try to engage and see if they help? Right now, what do you have to lose?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I have a few more answeres I think. Apparently I'm here beca of 'bizarre' beliefs. I'm on 1-1 obs to monitor thoughts/behaviour/mood/food and fluid intake.
Theyve done a separate care plan for food stuff but it's not that I don't want to eat but I don't eat hospital food but will eat stuff that's brought in but don't have any one close enough to visit sooo...they're making a huge deal about it.
but anyway I may be stuck here but I can't let them break me. They're getting there though because I honestly don't think I can take much more of this! !!!!
Yes but I have a new way of hiding medication now and I have no problem with taking the medication but I DON'T TRUST THEM!!!!
I'll take meds at home, not here!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Do these answers make things seem better for you? At least you know why you're there and why you're on 1:1.
They are meant to be looking after you while you're there which includes eating so they are bound to be concerned if you're not.
No one is trying to break you; they're trying to help you. This attitude is just going to extend the stay and the 1:1.
Your 'new way' of hiding medication might well be the reason they're giving it as depot. If you're not going to be taking it they will have to find a way to make you. Simple as.
What makes a difference if it was at home or there? If you remember you weren't taking medication at home either.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
