sorry i havent been online the last day so i hadnt realise how bad things were for your. i am thinking of you though & will be around over the weekend. There's never an obligation to reply to my posts, usually I'm just hoping if I give examples to people of how things can affect me, that it'll help somehow. Anyway, dont forget we're here for you and you can have loads of HUGS from me...... theyd be real ones if it were possible - but even if they're virtual, they are still real coz they come from me, right from the heart.
It's ok Tessa, and thank you. I'm working all weekend, but will be around in the evenings.
I have such a headache.
Work is so stressful. I've basically been put into a role that technically I should be paid more to do, is way more responsibility, and so much hangs on me. Even though my senior manager has advised me to alert her or another manager if I am getting overburdened, and I am not there to be in charge of things - other managers are treating me like I'm in charge of things. I have so much to do it is utterly overwhelming, and another senior manager keeps emailing me with things to do. Including things that are hard due to my illness [phoning customers]. I did assert myself and say I felt too vulnerable to do the phoning today, and that I would need support to do it on Tuesday. Other people will be there on Tuesday. But I feel so lost and confused and overwhelmed.
On top of this there's the issue with the colleague and I've yet to hear the final verdict on that, whether either of us will be transferred, though it seemed like it could happen.
Then there's the pressure from my ex landlady.
As well as a bunch of other stuff.
Wow, you certainly have a high pressure situation going on there. Sometimes, even though I have done a responsible job in the past, I don't like having to do things in my current job that take me out if my comfort zone. In all honesty, I could easily manage the stuff, but I find since things went pear shaped for me last year, I'm less confident. So I relate to how you'd feel about the telephone stuff. Hopefully soon u will find out what's happening as there's nothing worse than being left hanging. Hope it gets resolved soon. Meanwhile hugs, and lots of them are heading your way.
I couldn't get to sleep last night, so had to take a sleeping tablet. I then slept really well, thankfully. I felt frustrated and confused at not being able to settle down after a good afternoon with a friend. I also felt really hot. I turned off my radiator and it still made a noise. So if that carries on I need to fill in a form for the maintenance man on Tuesday. Trust things like that to come up over a bank holiday weekend! It's working fine but it's chattering away more than it should, as it were. It sort of whirrs by the thermostat.
I'm feeling tearful again. Work today. Maybe I'll hear back about the Sunday issue. At least my manager's at work this weekend, albeit at one of the other branches.
Re the phoning issue, I need time to prepare and all, so I don't feel as thrown. There's about 10 people to phone, so I will share it between the colleague I will be working with - though I'm tempted to delegate the whole lot... What I'm worried might happen on Tuesday is that the person who managed it previously has told me all the things I need to do, but probably some other manager will have different ideas and my head will be spinning and things won't get done and it'll all be a mess. If that happens I could call/alert my senior manager. I just don't want to be seen as totally not coping, as it were.
Work. Urgh.
I am not proud of myself, but a customer said 'it's all your fault!' about an IT glitch. I wouldn't accept that he was joking, I mean, I know he was somewhere, but really I wasn't going to take that and I told him so very directly. Thankfully he's an easy going kind of guy that hopefully won't hold it against me. But. I am stressed as all hell, I feel **** [my ears have both been aching today - though are much better now I'm home].
At least my radiator seems to be behaving. And neighbour-plus-girlfriend seem to have escaped this evening, at least. [Hopefully it won't be a 'I spoke too soon' moment, I really could use a bit of respite from chatter chatter next door late in the evening. It's not majorly disturbing but is disturbing, at the same time. When she's not there he's always on the phone to her, and, whilst I can't hear the words, it's chatter chatter and annoying after a day of work.]
Yeah, not such a good day for you then. It's so hard sometimes to hear what people are saying. I don't mean hear the words in your ears, more that you hear them, comprehend them in your head, but your heart is screaming out & won't accept what is a reality going on right in front of your eyes.
I was going to say, was the radiator turned right off? I know that sometimes if it only open a tiny but it they can 'sing'. That would really pi$$ me off for sure. When I am not in the mood for such things I can't switch off to them. They make me very irritable.
I hope your neighbour does stay out. Not that I mean to sound rude but you could do with a bitofmrespite e really and that chit chat going on must be annoying ,they no doubt aren't aware that the hubbub of noise (even without specific words) can be heard.... Probably too wrapped up in it all to nicotine they might be just a little louder than is helpful to others..... Oh well. I suppose they must be happy. I know it wont make much difference but I suppose it's not screaming and shouting
We were away last weekend and the people in the hotel room next to us were noisy. They were noisy early evening and then woke us in the early hours, they really hacked me off. I tried. Putting my fingers in my ears as one was making gross sounds ...... Something i can't cope with but don't want to mention details....... By the time morning came,chat with it being a noisy city when I am used to more quiet than that, I felt knackered. The weekend away was nice but Monday when I went to work I felt a bit zombie like.
Anyway, I can understand your worries about your job. Hopefully soon it will settle a bit. Meanwhile I hope u can. Get a bit of shut-eye......
glad u feel a bit better & managed to tolerate them last nite. at least you are organised enough & do make use of methods to cope.
well today it's all sunny out. ridiculous tho it may seem, i find it harder to go out & do stuff when the weather is good (i feel like its expected of me because its a lovely day therefore i am obliged to make the most of it). i've been doing housework; filing my bills etc. but i knew my partner would want to go for a walk; i did admit that it felt like an effort but i have to make sure i push myself every day. in the end if you do that, gradually you do feel more like doing stuff. hope your day's ok.
I wanted to cry this morning though, as I emailed my manager to ask if he was still my line manager, as now I seem to be reporting at various times now to about 8 different managers. This sucks! He said yes, he is still my line manager, but if both my transfers become permanent, that might change. Argh. I know I have attachment issues, and I know the other managers mostly know 'all of me' and accept 'all of me'. It just, sucks. Any more change might just tip me over the edge.
hmmn good old attachment. I worked on that in therapy. I didnt really understand it as much then & even though I have read alot about it even though I understand the roots of attachment issues & do what I can to work on them as I go about life, that doesnt stop them still being there at the back of my mind. Here & there I'll be in a situation where I'll realise I am feeling, how can I put it.... uneasy perhaps or about to lose something so I suppose there's an anxiety inside. Even if I take a momentary step back just to think about what's going on for me & can sort of work on my feelings & if they are realistic or attached to reality, it doesnt stop me from feeling a tug on my heart strings from time to time. I have a lovely boss lady. If she is away, its not the same. When I first took this job I was determined none of my past problems were going to follow me here. Then my abusive brother went & died (over a year ago now); that really unsettled me. So up came all my issues with a bang. It was disappointing to feel all these things creep back into my psyche but at least having done therapy I recognised what was going on. That's why I sought out a counsellor. Best thing I could have done. something else that has made a tremendous difference is registering here at RYL. I feel so at home. I cant possibly relate to everyone on the site but its so brilliant just to be able to speak my mind, to let it flow out & know I wont get judged.
Well, I seem to be rambling now but I think what I am trying to say is that I can appreciate in my own way that it must be really unsettling for you right now. you've moved; thats mega stressful for anyone & also this being messed about at work is bound to be contributing to how you feel. Of course I neary forgot your ear issue as well. What a crap few weeks for you.
Anyway; you hang in there as best you can, I guess that's all we can ever do & then hopefully when the dust settles a little we can sort of creep back out of our shell & feel the sun soaking into us and make us feel good huh? that is if we get any sun......!!!!
I'm glad you have come back. Hope u r ok. I've only just logged in today so hadn't seen your posts til now. I 'll check in again in the morning & c how u r.
Hi Katie, hope you have a nice day. I'm sorry I wasn't around when you were so down earlier (it was my 3am!) but you are not useless at all. How was work? I know there's a lot going on for you right now, so popping by to let you know I am thinking of you x
Oh God, work was hell. I feel utterly out of my depth. So many times today I said "I don't know what to do" and felt that utter despair and trapped feeling that brings out suicidal feelings. I really can't do this job. I am not a manager. But I'm being given the work of one without being treated like one. I feel so much pressure, though my senior manager tells me not to feel pressured. *confused* I have emails coming at me from a senior manager who's away at the moment, I'm trying to supervise the 2 others in my team [one of whom's not even been properly trained yet], trying to keep on top of the basic work, trying to train the colleague, trying to do the work from said emails. I can't cope with much more of this. I'm on the verge of tears again as I type this. I nearly had a meltdown today when I discovered half the database had gone walkabout and the prospect of typing it all up again made me want to run far away. My senior manager managed to recover the document, but it was a real panic.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through this. I hope things will settle down and equal out. But I'm so scared.
Oh no,that sounds like a nightmare. Would u be able to confide in someone you can trust, perhaps the manager you have mentioned before? I hope u sleep ok tonight. I see my counsellor in the morning but will log in when I can , I had a very busy work day today and wasn't able to get into.
RYL. But I will endeavour to keep in touch. Meanwhile I'm sorry u r having such a tough time but try to hang in there.
My session was good thanks; thought provoking as ever but that's what it's all about. I'm glad you have been able to send that message to your manager. Obviously (same as most of us I would imagine) you wouldnt include the true depth of your thoughts.... but at least you've made in roads into relieving yourself of some of the stress hopefully. You keep sharing on here though as its important to "talk" about stuff and here you know it's ok to do that no matter how bad you feel. I wish I could get on the forums more often sometimes but if ever I dont reply quickly, it wont be I'm not thinking about you.
What you said about not being able to do this job, as you arent a manager, I cant remember but have they tweaked your role because of all the changes going on? It seems really off if they are giving you the work of a manager but then not being treating you like one. Strikes me they are taking advantage. Its all very well your senior manager saying "not to feel pressured" that's just a get out for them. I'm not at all surprised you feel confused. Really I would feel the same & I would most certainly feel stressed & upset. Its horrible being at work & feeling that way.
I must say how I strongly relate to you nearly having a meltdown about that database file. I'll never forget one of my worst days ever, a few years ago in a different job where I was the senior admin person. I had loads of responsibility which initially I didnt mind but eventually my boss bullied me so much I began to lose confidence. Then one day I was doing some IT stuff which really wasnt my responsibility. I nearly messed it up but somehow sorted it. I really did want to run far away just like you. It was a real panic & my feelings escalated that day so when I got home I just felt so terrible. I wanted the world to stop. I just couldnt cope. At that time self-harm was how I would cope but I kept telling myself not to give in. On that occasion I didnt but temptation was so great & all because of something stupid at work.
I spoke to my therapist after that happened. I felt I had failed but as she pointed out I hadnt, I had managed to do it even though I wasnt a trained IT person. Same for you, you are being expected to do far more than is reasonable. In your shoes I'd be seriously stressed. Your employers, managers etc etc need to show you some respect here, take some responsibility themselves & stop passing the buck. No job is worth this amount of stress, you need to look after yourself.
Anyway, I'm kinda hoping it might be helpful for you to know I've been in a similar situation myself & it really sucks. I hate stress so much. Keep reminding yourself its just a job. I know it probably feels like more than that but it is just a job. What's most important is your health. You are important. Do let me know how your day goes.
