Pup, I'm sorry that you're feeling crappy tonight. :( Is there anything I/we can do to help? And please don't think that you have to leave the thread... I think that you could contribute a good deal to it if you would stay.
On the subject of not being a "me" - maybe you could "make" one? Find out what you enjoy doing, what your personality is like, etc. Do some self-exploring. *hugs*
Irene, I can't change the title, but I would if I could. Is there a mod I could contact?? And it's okay, I just was worried that I'd made you think the worse of me and as a relative newbie I don't want anyone to hate me from the offset. >_<
Anyway... how is everyone doing tonight?
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I can't do that. I cannot create a "me", for the "me" is purely illnesses and disorders. I don't exist inside. I'm just a box of disorders and illnesses. That's all there is to it. The things I enjoy doing are few as my illnesses / disorders make it very hard to enjoy anything and when I am enjoying something, I'm still in a lot of distress and it's hard to do anything nowadays. I don't know how to create a "me", & I'm not sure if I could...
What can I contribute to this thread? I'll only direct it elsewhere like I already have done.
my doctors don't know about me. I am bipolar, and have bad GAD, PTSD, and I've been told I have BPD, but I don't know.
I hate it, because I used to be on eight different medications because nothing was working. I am on Lamictal, Kolonipin, and Seroquel. I have psychotic features too. I get yelling in my head, paranoias, phobias, and I hear voices. Some therapists thought I had shitzo-effective disorder, but it's not true, I don't think.
It's hard trying to remember to take my meds. I get too distracted easily and forget all the time. I know I'm not alone.
Many my GAD is bad. I was always an anxious child, and I would get panic attacks all the time. Lately my panic attaks start out with a racing heart, clammy hands, neausa, and then I start to lose my vision and get dizzy, to the point that people have to carry me. I thought I was diabetic or something, but I'm not, so I know it's panic attacks now.
My therapist is trying to reduce my meds, but everytime he does, I get crazy or really depressed. I don't like him, but I always hate changing my docs. He lowered my K-pin from 1 mg to .5's and they don't work as well, so I take 2, to equal 1 mg. He gives me 90, to take 3 times a day as needed, and the dummy, I need them 3 times a day; there is never a time when I am not in a panic mode.
*hugs Pup* There IS more to you than your disorders... ask some people around you what you're like. People you're close to. Sorry if I'm sticking my foot in my mouth or anything, as I barely know you... but it seems like maybe seeing what other people see in you might help some. Disorders CAN feel like they are all-consuming, and I am sure that you do have a difficult time of it, but maybe we can help you try and see that you can make a you?
Sorry, that sounds really weird I know, but it's kinda what's in my head right now. And this is what I wanted this thread for. To try and help and support people who are struggling who don't fit in any of the other threads.
Well, on good days, I'm sure you could contribute hugs and support. On bad days, you can get us thinking. And yes, that is a good thing - because this discussion about "me's" has gotten me thinking about how to separate myself from my disorders - because I don't want to be known only as "the girl with bipolar" or "the girl who has an ED." I want people to see me for ME... only thing is, I don't know for sure who the me is behind the labels.
Hope that made some sense!! *more hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Aww Vixxiv... I have panic attacks too and am also on Klonopin. It helps a lot and I take as much as my NP will let me (but I don't misuse it)... it doesn't have the same effect on me as it used to years ago when I started it. Your panic attacks sound pretty bad though... I'm sorry that you have to go through them!!
I understand not wanting to switch therapists/doctors too. I hate starting over, especially because IRL it's hard for me to trust people. But if your current T isn't helping, then maybe it would be good to switch? Dunno, just an idea!!
*more hugs for everyone* :)
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I have seeral diagnosises too. Though I think they are all intertrined... I'm diagnosed with PTSD, DID, EDnos and agrophobia...
erm... I cant think of much else to add to the thread right now lol... I mainly wanted to post so that I can track the thread and follow it more easily :P
What people around me say about me is both bad and good. I have been abused/neglected all of my life, so that doesn't help. Even close friends/friends say bad things about me. When they say good things, I don't believe it. At all.
I honestly don't think there is more to me than my illnesses/disorders. I'm glad you've found yourself though.
I think I'd bring this thread down as I rarely have good days...
I actually haven't found myself. I'm on a journey of exploration... and it's going to take awhile. I'm sorry that you've been abused all of your life... it doesn't seem fair about how some people just get the really raw end of life. Does that make sense?
Please don't feel that just because you struggle a lot you're not welcome in this thread. 'Kay?
Well, time for me to head to bed... I'm gonna read for awhile. Pup, if I find any good books on self exploration, would you like me to link them to you? I don't know if any such books exist, and if so, whether they are "mushy" and "New Age" or not... but who knows. I can hunt around tomorrow.
Take care of yourselves, everyone. And welcome to the thread, Shadow-light. :)
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Pup, you're welcome. I'd be glad to talk with you anytime if you need/want to, be it on this thread or not. And thanks for the compliment... *hugs*
A mod PM'd me and offered to change the title of the thread, so I think it'll be changed to "The thread for people who don't fit elsewhere!!" or something along those lines. Hopefully that will work a little better. :-/
Irene, you may seem to be a little too forceful, but I agree with Romp, you just know the trends. I'm used to dealing with an older crowd of people (30s-40s) without any teens/YA really mixed in, so it isn't SUCH a problem with competition. Hope that made some sense!! :) And I'm glad that you wouldn't hate me over that... your suggestion did make a whole lot of sense though.
Romp, thanks for saying that this has the potential to be a good thread. I really hope that it will be.
*hugs everyone*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Thanks for this thread. It's really interesting. I like the idea of moving away from the labels because I think, for me... they haven't been so helpful.
In my teens I was always searching for one; desperate to understand what was wrong. I guess I felt like, if I had a formal diagnosis, then I'd not only have an idea what the problem is, but that other people would know how to fix it.
Then, a number of conflicting diagnoses came along, which really confused me.
Lately I've begun to realise that I've spent years trying to live around my diagnoses. Not in the sort of "trying to fit them" kind of way, because I know I never did (hence the confusions) and that, perhaps nobody really does. But more that I took on the negativity applied to my labels and forgot who I really was. I think that people aren't textbooks and they're not pigeons. We're human; complex, and at times, full of beauty and of misery.
At my latest CPA meeting I was given a form to fill in asking questions about my care. Under "What's your diagnosis?" I drew a big picture with them all in boxes, and I said "these aren't me". I drew a little stick "me" on top of a box that said "survivor".
I guess I 'fit in' in that I've been given a fair few diagnosises but they don't seem to 'fit' me.. I don't feel like I am a diagnosis, I don't think of myself as 'bipolar miranda' for example. But I still feel lost.
I suppose cause when it boils down to it I'm still not very well at the mo.. No words change how I feel, how I think. :(
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
Anyone else find that if they're just given one official, primary medical diagnosis, that they've had to 'fight' to get the medical peeps to understand those things that technically come outside of it? That's how it used to be for me, but now my GP 'gets' more of my whole picture.
Whirlpools, I really like what you said. I'm glad that you view yourself as a survivor... I'm getting to that point, you know, where you just get sick of all of the labels defining you - because I have let them define me - and want to find the "real me." A few months/years ago I couldn't have told you what music I liked, what my favorite clothing style was, how I felt about some serious & controversial issues, etc. But I feel like I've grown since then... and am just realizing that now. It's kind of freeing!! :)
Katie, I've never really had that problem. For me, it's more like for every set of symptoms that I have (for example, SI, pessimism, self-criticality [is that a word? :P], etc.) she comes up with a diagnosis. For those three things (along with several others) I got PDNOS - personality disorder NOS. She wanted to dx me with depressive personality disorder, but DPD isn't in the DSM-IV yet. It's pretty controversial... but it fits me like no other label does. It more or less describes how I live. But anyway, I'm rambling!! :-X
Droplet, what's going on that's rough? care to talk about it at all? 'cause that's what this thread is here for. Discussions like these ^^ and helping others. *hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Rain ^^ I'm sorry that you haven't really gotten answers yet as to what's wrong with you. Sometimes "the system" can really be stupid about getting diagnoses and such, but then again, mental illnesses can be awfully difficult to pin down. I think that's why I have so many "NOS" labels - because people weren't meant to fit in neat little categorical boxes. But 6-7 years... wow. *hugs*
I am having a rough day... urgh.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Aww Ennui, that sounds awful!! I haven't had that issue since over here in the States there seem to be fewer professionals with just ONE area of expertise, instead having a wider variety of clients with a wider variety of problems. My current therapist has people from all over the spectrum - alcoholics, people with unmanageable anger, with DID, with EDs, with depression, with bipolar, with anxiety, and with combinations, etc. Same for my NP (nurse practitioner - she's the one that deals with my meds - I like her better than any pdoc I've had prior to seeing her!!). Maybe you should come visit over here. ;) Hehe...
No but seriously, that's got to be frustrating!! BDD is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, right? Sorry if I've got it wrong. :-X
I hate how it feels sometimes like you've got to be the perfect fit for a box in order to get any treatment. That's how I felt with my ED, but my parents found a place that took me anyway, based off of how much I was eating and exercising, not how much I weighed. I still felt forced into treatment and now I wonder if it were too early - if I weren't ready for it - as I am struggling really quite a lot with it right now and don't really want to recover. I don't know.
Anyway. /ramble Sorry :-X
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I agree about ED treatment... I was admited years ago for anorexia. But they basially just kept me there until I was an "acceptable" weight and then never contacted me again
I still have EDnos, but I'm no longer at a dangerous weight so they don't seem to care
Ennui *hugs* You can call me April, as Scarletdreamer is a bit of a long name to type out!! I hope that you can get things sorted, 'else you're welcome to come to the States... lol. Things here can be messed up too, but I think that not having nationalized health care helps... maybe. I really don't know too much about the NHS so I can't say... and I don't know a whole lot about our health care system here in the States either!! I just know that not everyone has insurance and so can't get proper care without paying big money. Everyone looks for jobs with health care benefits, and I REALLY hope that I get one with those benefit as I need them, with my meds and appts. Gah. Anyway, sorry, got off track!! :P
Prevention is better than treatment, but I don't really know how to prevent an ED from happening. I mean, sure, change the cultural standards of beauty - but good luck!!! (I wonder when curves are going to be "in" - because then I will be well off, lol...) I guess you are right, that a person with an ED never truly feels ready to give up the eating disorder, not entirely. Mine's "served me well" for the past years... YEAH RIGHT!!! It is a bad coping mechanism and I think we all can recognize that in others, even if we don't believe it about ourselves.
I remember that I was the fattest one in treatment... but I bet that all the girls there thought that they were the fattest. Funny how that goes. I weighed a good deal more than any of them, though, except near the end, and I knew it. Blah. Sometimes I wish that my parents hadn't stuck me in treatment... granted, I was 18 at the time and had a say, but I didn't want to disappoint them (the old "please the parents" thing).
Anyway, don't wanna derail the thread with just talking about me!!
shadow-light, that's rubbishy treatment... I'm sorry that you had to go through it. Did it help at all? I'm glad that you are doing better now, at least a little. What are some issues that you're still struggling with? (you don't have to answer if you prefer not to) *hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
