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Old 29-07-2010, 07:39 AM   #4261
PaleMoon
 
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Hey guys, just popping in. Got off work, can't sleep so I thought I'd see how everyone is doing.

This is a hard week for everyone in the system. My brother (first and main abuser) is getting married this Saturday and he is currently staying in my house. In my room. Sleeping in MY bed with his soon-to-be wife.

Bad man sleeping in our bed.

Mishka is leaking out a little, sorry. We have therapy tomorrow and looking forward to it. In the meantime, not just one, but three new alters have made themselves known, one of them the youngest yet. She is only 4 and like the other littles, not very verbal. There are too many now (15) to put in my signature. Still losing time.

Had a brief episode at work with one of the new alters cutting, but Mishka was awesome and helped with that. He got a treat for being so positively helpful, some Sprite that he got to come out and taste.

Sorry I'm not very helpful tonight, just wanted to send out hugs and good peaceful thoughts to everyone.



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:39 AM   #4262
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Okay still not coping terribly well, feeling as if I am moaning to you all now.

Sent an email to Tom, Sophie read it, Erin allowing. She freaked out flasbacks and body memories. Called him and talked until midnight.

Getting pretty scared, pretty paranoid and the system stuff is too confusing and too big to try to sort.

Still haven't SH. Been almost 6 weeks since. No laxatives, no restricting, minimal hard exercise. No alcohol. No over spending (well, spent about a tenner yesterday but still nothing awful.)

Still in Oxford, completely ready to be home and be with people I can talk to again. Feel like crying a lot of the time.

Really need to sort out some therapy when i get home.

To be honest, self harm seems like the most sensible least damaging option. :S :S

I hate Sophie so much sometimes.

T



System A
Sophie Mandi Max Gwen Mercy Erin AVA Tracey Bridget
My Isaac

System B
Tabitha, ?,Robert, Pippa, Sarah?

"Don't touch me."

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Old 29-07-2010, 12:05 PM   #4263
shadow-light
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how long are you in Oxford for?




I am so tired, didn't go to bed till 5am and now been up for an hour as waiting for shopping to be delivered :sigh:

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Old 29-07-2010, 12:34 PM   #4264
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Six weeks, almost done three.

That's rubbish. :( I hope they hurry up and deliver it!



System A
Sophie Mandi Max Gwen Mercy Erin AVA Tracey Bridget
My Isaac

System B
Tabitha, ?,Robert, Pippa, Sarah?

"Don't touch me."

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Old 29-07-2010, 12:50 PM   #4265
ghosts in the machine
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T / Olive branch - You're not moaning to us, seriously. And I think, given the circumstances, that you've done so well in keeping yourself safe while having to deal with a new place, new people, new work and all the old stuff on top of that. I'm... amazed that you are so strong (and wish I was as strong as you). Therapy when you get back sounds like a good idea, to help let out all the emotions safely.

Palemoon - that sounds like a very terrifying and stressful situation to be in for you all. Please please keep yourself safe from him over the next few days. Sending *safe hugs* if you want them.


I've just got back from two meetings; one with my care co-ordinater, who told me that the psychology people will give me an appointment in about 4-5 weeks form now, and the other with my psychiatrist, who agreed with me when I said I didn't need to be put back on meds. I'm doing a bit of a victory dance as 1) I hate meds, 2) they were both nice to me and 3) I actually managed to talk to them and say what was wrong without too much anxiety. Oh, and 4) I managed to walk there without having an anxiety attack. I have a headache now from trying to talk about what it was like living at home as a kid though... so not so great.



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 29-07-2010, 02:01 PM   #4266
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Tabitha~
proud of you for not harming.. wtg hon.=) hang in there youre almost done and youve done very well.

palemoon~
I am so sorry he is staying in your house like that.. and at all..Iknow how that can really trigger things into chaos inside.
I hope he will not be there long.. and as said above please keep yourselves safe.

dont forget after he leaves- bleach everything inyour room HA!
burn the mattress too and buy a new one!
j/k but seriously.. throughly cleaning everthing will get his smell out of your room and make you all feel safer in there again..

sorry he is invading your space.. that super sucks.





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Old 29-07-2010, 06:10 PM   #4267
Labyrinth
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Hm. My mind isn't so great at the moment. I'm slipping into the "we" stage of things again. I got over that a few days ago (I think?) but i'm goign back to "we"... Dno't know why or who with.

The psychologist we saw yesterday really annoyed us with his exessive question asking. He then said

"So these personalities-" And we instantly froze up and felt immense anger. Don't know why, but we just wanted him to change the subject IMMEDIATELY. So we just snapped back with "Don't know." and then... I can't remember 'cause the next thing *I am* walking out with nobody with me in my mind. I was alone again.



Things could always be worse.


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Old 29-07-2010, 07:13 PM   #4268
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Kyle -- I'm surprised I don't get more headache when I switch a lot too. I'm sorry your structure is falling apart--can you find a reason?

Labyrinth -- Perhaps you're still dealing with some denial? Or do they just not want to show themselves at all? Either way, take care and let us know if things get really tough.

---

Thanks guys, my therapist had the same idea of getting the smell out (but she went short of burning the mattress, that was funny Sadie). She also suggested to help with boundaries that I imagine a safe, airtight "bubble" around myself. It can be as big or as small as I want, and it helps me feel like I can have some space. Just thought I'd share here.



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 29-07-2010, 07:19 PM   #4269
shadow-light
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Ooo I love that bubble idea

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Old 29-07-2010, 08:56 PM   #4270
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Katrina's pretty much taken control. Aggressive. Hormones rev her up/'trigger' her majorly. So I know it will ease. But right now I feel I'm the worst person on the planet.

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:06 PM   #4271
ghosts in the machine
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*offers hugs*

Although you are Katrina, you are also Katie. You're not the worst person on the planet, you are simply responding to the present time based on what you survived in the past.



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 29-07-2010, 10:11 PM   #4272
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Thank you scath.

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:13 PM   #4273
shadow-light
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You're not the worst erson in the world. Being angry, annoyed, etc. are all parts of being human




I am having a mild panic... 2 weeks until I loose my flat... I don't want to leave Aberdeen, nor Scotland... I love Scotland, it's my home... but I love Jack more and he's leaving so I am leaving too... I don't know what to do :(

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:16 PM   #4274
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Thanks Hazel.

If you're still coming to London, and you need a guide or whatever, drop me a pm and we could meet up or such. Just an idea, if you're feeling lonely, lost or such down south.

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:22 PM   #4275
shadow-light
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Ye still coming to London. Staying in a hostel for the first week, then hopefuly will find somewhere more permiment. On the housing register for camdon, but I'm not even sure where that is lol just know it was the shortest list :/

Jack is moving in with his dad in North London, but also know idea where that is other than "on the northen line" helpful


Thanks for the offer :)

Once I'm there it hopefully won't be so bad... I'm just really scared and I really don't want to leave Scotland... essspecially not to over 500miles away :(

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:26 PM   #4276
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Camden is a pretty big borough. It extends from Holborn area right down to near me, suburban NW. Is that Camden itself you're down for, or Camden as a borough?

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:42 PM   #4277
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The borough I think. Larger the area the larger the chance of me getting somewhere was the logic

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Old 29-07-2010, 10:52 PM   #4278
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If you'd like any research done before you arrive, let me know. I live virtually 'next door' to Camden borough, and am a member of Camden libraries. [As well as my own borough of course, lol!]

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Old 30-07-2010, 02:01 AM   #4279
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katie-
you not wors persin on plnit. Katrina jus bes kina lik sadie an bes mad at evriting in hole world and I gess tat bes ok.
it wil bes ok i tink.
lovs you*hug*
Sarah




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Old 30-07-2010, 05:30 AM   #4280
Labyrinth
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Taken new meds... Don't know what they are.



Things could always be worse.


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