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Old 26-07-2010, 04:25 AM   #4221
hidingme
 
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Laura~
everyone's experience with is is different i think. i know mine is.
with me .. sarah came first.. i just seemed to regress into feeling, thinking and behaving like a 6 yr old.
i didnt know why and it was frustrating. eventually she told me she chose a name.. because well i had made her upset with me.

then Sadie made herself known. im not too sure what her reasoning was, but well she was horribly angry with me at first.. she cussed me out to a great extent and hated me beyond belief. she has gotten better though even though she she still gets angry with me.
i think my others came out at first.. as far as making themselves known to me due to overwhelming stress at home, work andother family being really really sick.

however sadiesays she has been around since highschool yrs and i know both were around in my marriage to the ex.. i just never truly noticed that it was something more than me struggling with my own intense emotions then.

For us- we dont dont lose time.. usually jst get kinda confused alot.
sadie gets mad that she has no privay as she feels we are always staring over her shoulder watching what she is doing/saying..lol


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Old 26-07-2010, 02:48 PM   #4222
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fixing to go to appt for dr. anxiety is actually ok right now.. hoping it stays that way but not gonna hold my breath.

wish me/us luck.

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Old 26-07-2010, 06:09 PM   #4223
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Did you know that there is no awareness ribbon for DID or dissociative disorders in general? I think this really reflects why there is so little knowledge about them.

The puzzle ribbon (a colorful ribbon made up of puzzle pieces) is usually reserved for autism, but I think it really symbolizes dissociative disorders as well, and DID in particular. It stands for our split up awareness, memory, and identity, as well as "putting the pieces back together."

Just wanted to share. If you don't know what the ribbon looks like, I'll put it in my signature in a bit.



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 26-07-2010, 06:35 PM   #4224
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I looked it up, and it's supposed to reflect the complexity of autism, the variety of people affected, and hope for the future. Which could also be for dissociative disorders. A ribbon can stand for several illnesses.



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 26-07-2010, 08:04 PM   #4225
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I feel sad.
So many gaps in connection inside of me still.

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Old 26-07-2010, 08:13 PM   #4226
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ok well went to dr appt. it was horrible... coulda been worse and prolly willbe.

dr called mental health people. 2 cops in uniforms with cars came dr and us talked alot..i mostly cried and none of us really spoke much.
police made calls tring to find a place that will take me for psych help and not bill us. finally we got some answers.

so i will have to go to a hospital ER.. the dr wrote me a referral to fo there for treatment telling them i am in psychiatric crisis.

was planning to go today it get it over with and not have to put us thru all this anxiety again..but well i refuse to go w.o michael and michael has to pick up my daughter at 6:30pm so there is no way he can go.
so i dont know. sarah came out and took a nap.
and we just woke up. maybe we will go this weekend ..that way i am off work anyhow and wont have to miss work..hopefully. maybe go friday after work so they have the weekend to do whatever with me.
i dont know..i will discuss it more with michael i guess.

i feel lost again. i am disappointed with myself and this looong, anxiety ridden process.
Sadie is pissed cause we didnt get it all done today..eval wise.. and she wants to SI .. the only thing stopping her is how peopl got so mad at her before..
she still is really wanting to.
anyhow i guess that is all.. that was my terrible day ..that didnt even truly finish.
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Old 26-07-2010, 10:50 PM   #4227
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tyler- i think they are pushing hospital and ER..not cause im suicidal or harmful ..but because we have no money to pay dr bills and no insurance.. so i think that is the only way around it .




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Old 26-07-2010, 11:57 PM   #4228
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Palemoon - there's a ribbon for dissociative disorders here that someone made.

Katie
- wanted to offer you *hugs*, not got many words right now but I care



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 27-07-2010, 12:19 AM   #4229
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there is a dissociation ribbon (well a DID one, not sure if it stretches over all dissociation but I always assume it does). It's similar to the autism one, but insted of being puzzle peices is peices stitched together



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Old 27-07-2010, 02:06 AM   #4230
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dont think so Tyler. they told me it would be covered ..*shrug*




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Old 27-07-2010, 02:27 AM   #4231
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how you all doing? My internet is messed up, things won't load and when they do it's SO SLOW!!!


Watched a programme on TV earlier which has got the littles all a bit scared and made me feel werid... like when someone asks you are question and you know that you know the answer but you can't find it in your mind and you feel a bit odd, it's a bit like that... don't like it, it's like there is something there but not there

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Old 27-07-2010, 03:06 AM   #4232
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don't think there's a virus as both computers are struggling with the internet, as is the X-box so think it's either the internet itself or the router

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Old 27-07-2010, 03:32 AM   #4233
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not sure. if it's continuing tomorrow will ring the provider and ask if it's their end

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Old 27-07-2010, 03:39 AM   #4234
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I'm useless with technology, I think I may give off technology-killing-rays lol

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Old 27-07-2010, 04:34 AM   #4235
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My goodness, so much happens in the course of a day!

Thanks all for finding the ribbon. It helps that there is something out there to get the word out, you know?

Hiding -- The hospital stay might help, you never know. We've been in the hospital 5 times and each time, though we don't want to admit it, it's helped. We feel safe during our time there. They just want to help everyone.

Hazel -- Internet trouble sucks. Do you have the option to "repair" your connection (right-click on the Internet icon on your toolbar and it should come up). It might clear out some things that are slowing it down.

---
Going through another burst of alters coming out. I keep asking when new ones will stop coming up, but Gabriella and White just keep saying "You'll know when we're all here."

Danny is a quiet boy who we initially assumed was just a carefree little guy of 8, but in fact he simply doesn't want to believe about the abuse.

Nathaniel we initially thought was a fragment, but in fact he's just so quiet he hardly ever speaks. He deals with the grief over the abuse suffered in the teenage years. It's a heavy emotion and a heavy burden for him, so he rarely speaks. He's like Luke's companion: they are the same age and Luke speaks for him a lot.



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 27-07-2010, 07:11 AM   #4236
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Insanity lives,
Perhaps instead of teaching Morgan to drive it would be more productive working toward co-consciousness, so while Kyle is learning to drive Morgan/and or others can learn at the same time.

Hiding,
Sounds like it was a full-on day. We think overall it could be a very positive experience, you're in the process of getting the help and support you need, and most often hospitals aren't nearly as bad as people expect. Hope you're doing ok.
_
We're having a shitty day, had a really rough night, the memory of it is fragmented, was a full moon, the biggest all year.
Ash was going to catch up with Cougar this afternoon, but we weren't upto it. We're at home and resting. Feeling useless.

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Old 27-07-2010, 09:15 AM   #4237
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Hazel, have you tried re-booting your router and pc?

Thanks scath.

lost boys, I hope your day improves. Full moons effect me/us as well. Probably in a different way - a female, unstable kind of way rather than abuse flashback kind of way.

Hiding, I hope you get some clear answers and reliable help soon.

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Old 27-07-2010, 10:29 AM   #4238
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Katie - no wories. How you feeling today?

lostboys - we're offering *safe hugs* You're not useless, none of you are. We hope this day gets better and tonight is less triggering for you.

Palemoon - it is a bit overwhelming when lots of alters pop out, I've been having the same thing... my journal (well, our journal) keeps getting random entries from people, or they write back to me in it.

I'm a bit scared about it... I'm not ready to deal with this. There's no one to help me either, and I kind of want to keep going and talk to them but sometimes my head is going "what?! no! run away and don't look back!"



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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Old 27-07-2010, 10:31 AM   #4239
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Lostboys- completely understand.

Couldn't sleep last night, felt sick pretty much all the time. This morning I am not coping well. Had to stop on the way to work to hide in a ditch and cry. Feeling very suicidal and very triggered to self harm. As yet, both have been avoided. I have no idea how I'm going to get through the day.

I want some contact, thinking about maybe even trying to speak to the boys my side, which could easily make it ten times worse.

Still living alone. Really need a hug/ a cry. No one's here. We're isolated, well I'm isolated.

And I don't know what to do. Genuinely.

T



System A
Sophie Mandi Max Gwen Mercy Erin AVA Tracey Bridget
My Isaac

System B
Tabitha, ?,Robert, Pippa, Sarah?

"Don't touch me."

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Old 27-07-2010, 10:42 AM   #4240
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*offers hugs* isolation is awful, we're keeping you in our thoughts. Is there anyone around that you could maybe chat to, to try and stave off the feeling?



For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen

For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other

~ We're marching on... ~


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