RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 04-01-2014, 06:25 PM   #1
teal
Pens and pencils are my companions
 
teal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Portugal
I am currently:
Losing friendships

My best friend and I are always fighting over my ED. She has an ED as well, but is able to control it. She has gained a few weight (and so have I) but is able to not purge and eat normally. I, on the other hand, keep purging and though I try to control it, 1 in 3 times the urge hits I relapse. I don't want to purge, but on the same hand I don't want to stop doing it. It's a battle in my mind and lately all we do is fight. I know she cares, but she shouldn't be all like "if you wanna keep doing this, go ahead!". It makes me feel bad. She's my best friend... my "sister"... I don't wanna lose her



“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them


teal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2014, 02:42 PM   #2
Wonderland.
 
Wonderland.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007

It sounds like you are both in different places with your ED and can't understand how each other feels about it. Your friendship can be so so much more than about both your EDs, perhaps you could try and explore what else your friendship is about and try to build on that.



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


Wonderland. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2014, 04:39 PM   #3
Crazy Cat Lady
 
Crazy Cat Lady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
I am currently:

Hi,

It's understandable that eating disorders cause friction between friends, especially with both are suffering with eating disorders and are in difference places in recovery.

Are you getting any professional help? It's a well known fact that people have a greater chance at recovery if they are receiving support and advice.

Take care,

x





Crazy Cat Lady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2014, 06:19 PM   #4
teal
Pens and pencils are my companions
 
teal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Portugal
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderwall. View Post
It sounds like you are both in different places with your ED and can't understand how each other feels about it. Your friendship can be so so much more than about both your EDs, perhaps you could try and explore what else your friendship is about and try to build on that.
We have a lot in commun, taste and all... but lately she's worried with me because she says i'm destroying myself with my ED. She's upset because I don't quite know if I want recovery. Deep down I do... but i'm scared.

Quote:
Originally Posted by [Heavenly Gingerlilly] View Post
Hi,

It's understandable that eating disorders cause friction between friends, especially with both are suffering with eating disorders and are in difference places in recovery.

Are you getting any professional help? It's a well known fact that people have a greater chance at recovery if they are receiving support and advice.

Take care,

x
Yes I am. But not for my ED, for my self harm and depression. I'm scared of getting help for my ED, i'm so "comfortable" with it... It's strange.



“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them


teal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2014, 03:55 AM   #5
Speak
Speak
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
I am currently:

Hi Teal,
Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your best friend. That sounds so painful and stressful.

When you said you are comfortable with your eating disorder - I really think I know what you mean and I'm sure people on this forum feels it to. Maybe it could help you to really look at the word: DISORDER. I am really scared of getting professional help too. Lately I'm telling myself that is not just something that I do, or a way to live: it is a sickness.

Maybe you and your best friend could make a deal to see a professional together? Even if you're scared.

Good luck.

Speak is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2014, 03:13 PM   #6
teal
Pens and pencils are my companions
 
teal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Portugal
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speak View Post
Hi Teal,
Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your best friend. That sounds so painful and stressful.

When you said you are comfortable with your eating disorder - I really think I know what you mean and I'm sure people on this forum feels it to. Maybe it could help you to really look at the word: DISORDER. I am really scared of getting professional help too. Lately I'm telling myself that is not just something that I do, or a way to live: it is a sickness.

Maybe you and your best friend could make a deal to see a professional together? Even if you're scared.

Good luck.
I already see a professional for my depression, but i think I might tell her how bad things are and ask for her help in it. I'm just scared they'll put me back in the mental house again. I don't want to be there. I promised my best friend I would stop purging though, let's see if I can keep that promise. It happen before, me making a promise I wouldn't purge and broke it. It was a silly deal in the first place.



“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them


teal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2014, 02:13 PM   #7
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
EyelinerAndCigarettes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
I am currently:

As others have said its quite understandable for both you & your friend to be concerned about each other, its so sad when ED's get in the way of an otherwise strong relationship.

I would highly recommend speaking to your team about your current state of mind & your eating disorder. What is it your scared of?, Losing control, or being honest?

In regard to your friendship though, it must be very distressing for you & your friend to essentially watch each other hurt themselves, be it through ED behaviors or self-harm. Have you thought about taking time out in the week with her to do something completely FUN, not food related, ED related etc. For example, I found it very important to do something nice with my Mum that wasn't mental health related (we both have issues), as it drew focus back to the back bone of our relationship - I love her - she's my best friend & it was refreshing to do something different, to build memories & remember there is a life outside of the eating disorder. You could try going to the cinema or doing craft at home, something simple, but fun?

Sorry if that was a ramble!

x x x







EyelinerAndCigarettes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2014, 06:15 AM   #8
Speak
Speak
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
I am currently:

Hey again Teal,

How are you doing now?

Quote:
Originally Posted by teal View Post
It happen before, me making a promise I wouldn't purge and broke it. It was a silly deal in the first place.
I don't think it was a silly promise. It takes a lot of conviction to decide to make such a huge and such a hard, hard change. It really hurts when we slip up in the deals we make with ourselves. I just wanted you to know that I break promises to become better too. Surely even people who have been in recovery for a long time have times when they feel like they've let themselves down.
I hope you can start to let go of the guilt and disappointment a bit - with practice. Being hard on our minds hurts just as bad as being hard on our bodies, I suppose. Goodluck! x

Speak is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2014, 10:06 PM   #9
teal
Pens and pencils are my companions
 
teal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Portugal
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by EyelinerAndCigarettes View Post
As others have said its quite understandable for both you & your friend to be concerned about each other, its so sad when ED's get in the way of an otherwise strong relationship.

I would highly recommend speaking to your team about your current state of mind & your eating disorder. What is it your scared of?, Losing control, or being honest?

In regard to your friendship though, it must be very distressing for you & your friend to essentially watch each other hurt themselves, be it through ED behaviors or self-harm. Have you thought about taking time out in the week with her to do something completely FUN, not food related, ED related etc. For example, I found it very important to do something nice with my Mum that wasn't mental health related (we both have issues), as it drew focus back to the back bone of our relationship - I love her - she's my best friend & it was refreshing to do something different, to build memories & remember there is a life outside of the eating disorder. You could try going to the cinema or doing craft at home, something simple, but fun?

Sorry if that was a ramble!

x x x
It's okay, it's okay to ramble (:
We wen't out today and it was okay. We went to a kids store and started looking at dolls and telling jokes, as always. It was fun. Then afterwards she texted me saying I should get better because I deserve it, and it made me cry.
I'm scared i'll be sent to the mental house again if I say how i'm feeling. I promised myself I would tell everything to the doctors, but i'm still scared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Speak View Post
Hey again Teal,

How are you doing now?



I don't think it was a silly promise. It takes a lot of conviction to decide to make such a huge and such a hard, hard change. It really hurts when we slip up in the deals we make with ourselves. I just wanted you to know that I break promises to become better too. Surely even people who have been in recovery for a long time have times when they feel like they've let themselves down.
I hope you can start to let go of the guilt and disappointment a bit - with practice. Being hard on our minds hurts just as bad as being hard on our bodies, I suppose. Goodluck! x
Thank you for caring, all of you. I'm feeling nervous to go to the appointment tomorrow, but confident in a way to get better. I think now that I deserve to stop thinking about food all the time, and how to get it off. Had a panic attack after eating some cookies. That showed me how messed up I am right now and need help. But it's good coming here and seeing all this support and I feel less alone after coming here.
And about the "silly deal", I promised my bff that if I purged I would have to give her a "weapon" for her to self harm with (i'm not saying what it is because it might be triggering or giving ideas if someone reads this) and I did purge. I never gave it to her though. I hid it and forgot where I put it and only found it out days ago. But it was a silly deal. Right now she's better, she's more controlled... but at the time she was in a bad place mentally.



“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them


teal is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 06:47 AM.