I had a really bad week and weekend. Lots of harm, seriously physically unwell. I tried to get medical help through crisis and go and they ignored it pretty much. I blacked out in the street and went to a and e in an ambulance. Was treated in hospital. The ward I ended up on was awful and I essentially walked out because they were refusing pain relief. Was sectioned by police, treated very roughly and taken back. MHA assessment the next day and discharged home. Crisis drove me home. District nurses are coming to attend to my big wound every other day and crisis are coming every other day.
Today seems ok, just distracting from voices saying I should have just let myself die.
Can I have some love? And maybe ideas on where to go from here?
I was discharged from crisis on Monday. Self harmed badly on Tuesday. Got the time of my cpn appointment wrong and when she called to say where are you I told her I had self harmed and she basically said oh dear then carried on re arranging the appointment.
I did go to a and e. Had another bad experience. Yay. So today had to go to the burns unit and I'm now IP on IV antobiotics.
How do I move on when my CPN doesnt care at all? When my so called team cant recognise when im asking for help or keep me physically safe when I ask them to- referencing the collapsingin the street from blood loss.
I know it's been brought up in the past, but is involving some sort of advocate or legal advice an option? This really isn't right for them to neglect you in this way. I know in the past you were against it/ unable to consider those, which is okay. It's absolutely your choice. But just wondering if that's changed at all?
I hope they are being kind to you in hospital.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think if you find Lillie’s posts to be ‘triggering and horrible’ then you might be better off putting her on ignore than trying to convince her of that here. Even at the best of times, I don’t think I’d be in any fit state to engage with what you are saying if you said that about ragey posts I’d made in my own RV thread, and as is obvious, this is hardly the best of times.
Also, whilst the RV board is already appropriately labelled for triggers, if you feel anything Lillie has posted breaks the rules in terms of triggering content then please report it rather than bring it up in a support thread. Of course, if content is rule-breaking then it needs to go, but if it’s not then I don’t think it’s fair to go up to people (virtually!) and say ‘the way you describe how you suffer is triggering me’. We have to take responsibility for ourselves in terms of what we read on here.
I know from personal experience when I'm at my lowest and most distressed sometimes I struggle to verblise my needs in a rational and constructive way which can lead to the frustration and despair rearing it's heading in quite an aggressive and unintentionally rude way. It's the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, the fear that you're constantly trying to contain within yourself just erupting out.
I guess if you feel that you're not being listened to or taken seriously then that triggers an angry response which in turn triggers a defensive response in whoever you are talking to and neither of you get anywhere. I, myself, am looking into trying to find ways to break this pattern.
I wonder if that's what Asplenium was trying to say.
I obviously don't hear your conversations with your team Lillie so I can't speak for you but I'm just wondering if you have a similar pattern to me when it comes to sort of 'butting heads' with people when you're trying to reach out for help at crisis point?
Also, people with PTSD and CPTSD tend to hyperaroused and irritable so it could also be a mixture of frustration and trauma.
I'm really sorry if this isn't helpful. Just ignore my rambling if I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about.
I sont know what to say. Im scared I will say something that's damaging to someone. I cant even be distressed in an acceptable way. The post was edited and then removed but I read it. And yeah
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