Thank you Camden, I can talk to the staff at home, and seeing my cpn soon, I've been distracting, baking and cooking and gaming, I think I've overdone it, but I'll sleep tonight because of it
No there wasn't, my cpn tired to call him but he didn't answer and she was off all last week so I don't know.
I told k, she was really kind about it, telling me to tell her the good and the bad because she's knows that's the reality.
I did, I slept really well. But tonight overthinking things so wide awake.
My wound is looking pretty horrible, same old thing, awkward position and has or will no doubt get infected. The staff are worried cause the last two people in here who had an infection died within a week of each other last week. It's scary times.
Thank you, I'm struggling to accept that I have any mental health illnesses, I honestly, hand to heart, feel like it's all been a big misunderstanding and that I haven't got what they think I have and actually have mild depression. And the depot and the medication they put me on is a test to see if I take up, because it was me against the drs and Im the first one the crack. So I've spoken up and I know that it was all a con for me to behave and I now I'm thinking clearly they're not liking it. I've asked for a second opinion. I hope I can get my diagnoses scrapped, move out of supported accomodation and live my life
I also understand what happened that night and it wasn't what people are saying, I know I was in the wrong
It's definitely ok to ask for a second opinion. Did they say you could have one? Things might not go exactly the way you want them to though. Do you really feel like your emotions etc can be put into the term of 'mild depression.' You sound a lot more distressed at points. I'm sorry you're thinking again of being in the wrong. I hope you can change your mind because you really weren't in the wrong and don't deserve the blame put onto you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Crappy advice ftw but how would this look from the outside? It's not all about Behaviours but they're at least concrete things I can refer to (and that you can't deny :P)- think of all the things that you've done to yourself, and more importantly, why you did them. I think that the things you experience and the feelings you have are indicative of something a little more complex than mild depression.
That's not to say that you can't at some point* move out of supported living and enjoy a wonderful quality of life. But I think that you get that by accepting that you have some problems, and also accepting the help to make those problems manageable. You don't have to agree with everything the doctors say down to the details of a diagnosis perhaps, but it sounds like you're really trying to minimise the things you struggle with, which isn't a super-reliant method of making them go away.
Also I am offended on your behalf that you anyone (even you) could say that what happened that night was your fault.
*maybe not in the middle of a pandemic mind, just sayin'
Well everything you've said is exactly what my cpn tells me. Not impressed but, impressed lol. That's what I do, i think of ways out and this time its getting my diagnoses wiped so I don't have to deal with them but that is such a backwards way of thinking. I understand that.
I spoke with my CPN and she said I am on the waiting list for EMDR but for now, box the thoughts regarding the situation and save it for therapy which I have been doing metaphorically. She's told me I look at my situation as a Rubik's cube (albeit, one I can't solve in 0.7 seconds) that I looks at it so many different angles, and I can't decide which path to take to solve it so I keep on looking for another way til it's detrimental to me.
I'm going to hold on the the future therapy even though its a fucking long waiting list, I'll wait because if it can give a tidbit of hope for the future then I'm willing to wait.
No idea, it could be months and months even when this is all over. But I'll wait, not much I can do.
This week has been hell, I slipped into a depressive episode. I hurt myself and had to go to hospital but I'm alright I've feeling so tired cause they've increased my meds and I requested I have the depot every two weeks instead of 4 weekly which is funny because they only gave me it 4 weekly because they thought I'd hate it every fortnight. I think I'm slowly coming out of it.
Things have been shit but everyone's in the same boat so I can't complain. I just miss K but she has phone call anxiety so we text everyday but I just want to chat shit to her and hear her voice. She's been so good to me. I just want to be with her. *Sad gay noises*
There's something I do which my Dr and cpn class as a compulsion. It's now part of my bedtime routine. It can be very obsessive and sometimes if not always harmful. But I can't or don't want to stop, I don't know which one anymore. It's related to this thing that happened to me. Sorry for being vague.
It's every night. I almost look forward to it so I can get it over with and sleep.
Anything obsessive can take up a lot of energy, it must be hard for you. Is there a way to at least make it less harmful? What do you think would happen if you went to bed without doing it?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It was okay, it's been going okay apart from a few hiccups. I've been trying to get into a routine instead of deliberately isolating myself during this period where the whole world is telling us to, well, fucking isolate.
I'm feeling very on edge but billions of people are because of the situation but I still feel very lonely.
I applied to move out of the supported accomodation, whenever that may be but I know it's the right decision.
