The millionth thread I know

[Arienette]

Good luck using healthy coping mechanisms until Thursday.

Also I'm sure your dla claim will be fine. It's stressful yeah hit it will get sorted.

[Buttons.]

Ames that was a good idea about writing things down I do sometimes find that easier so will give it a shot.

Coping mechanisms that are working is listening to stuff on my headphones, writing, to a degree reading but concentration is hard and when my anxiety allows it doing things with my support workers like going into town and stuff-but that is very anxiety-dependent.

My DLA should be getting reinstated because I have the proof that I wasn't in any longer than 2 days so they should never have stopped it in the first place, it's not like I was in for months on section 3 as I have been in the past, this was pure short respite, but they still haven't gotten into gear and reinstated it.

Zed, the support workers are trying really hard to sort DLA out, they're just not playing ball -_-

I agree there is a small part of me that wants to live, sometimes it's just hard to find that part in the debris of being an emotional f*ckwit :P

It was helpful love ooo xx

Thanks for the kind words Arienette.

Feeling the love here and it is making me feel slightly less worthless so thank you all.

Today I have made a big effort to look half decent and am going to try and have lunch with my mum who I've been avoiding as didn't want to upset her with things being so chaotic. I am actually determined to try and have a good time today and take a day off from being a depressed hermit.

[Arienette]

I hope you manage to have a nice days pounds like you're trying really hard and that's all that can be asked of you. Xx

[Cacoethes]

Don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I'm so proud of how hard you are fighting.
Lots of love and hugs little aardvark!
<3

[Patch.]

How did your day go? Did you manage lunch? X

[Buttons.]

Thanks all. Yeah had lunch, had fun x

[Uglyducklin]

I'm so pleased you had fun and managed lunch. Xx

[Patch.]

Well done! Thats really positive considering how rubbish you're feeling rigjt now.

How are you today?

[Buttons.]

I'm really struggling. I can't say what I want to say which I know is frustrating but I feel so trapped. I can't discuss what they think is illness in case it isn't but my CPN wants me to go to a 'hearing voices group' so I think that explains whats going on without talking about it if that makes sense.

My family has fallen apart again, people are collapsing under the strain of it all and...I can't help. I don't cry but I'm crying now. I can't even explain what 'the family' (which is split anyway because I opened my mouth about the sexual abuse ages ago)are going through because it would be a betrayal of them....but I don't know what to do.

Everything seems impossible. I can't even help the people I love, or be a functioning human being.

[Uglyducklin]

Hi Buttons I'm so sorry you and your family are hurting. Just know that in caring for you as best you can you are helping them. Thinking of you. X

[Patch.]

I'm sorry things are so hard. Sounds like you have enough on your shoulders in addition to having to worry about your family.
It sounds like you blame yourself in a way for your family being worried about you. Its imporgant to remember that its not your fault you're not well though. They'd probably be just as worried if you had a severe physical illness. You can't control this, you didn't wake up one morning and decide to become unwell. It's not your fault. Hope I've explained myself right and that didn't come out wrong, my head is mush.

Have you spoken to your mum about how hard things are atm?

Going to the group is a good idea. It'll allow you to gain a perspective on things and may work as an treatment that isn't purely medication based. If anything it could serve as an outlet. How do you feel about going?
*sends glitter*

[Buttons.]

Patch- the current family drama is nothing to do with me and my health-only clarifying :) t's about a different family member which I wish I could talk about but just can't...just some of my family are falling apart and I still worry I've made it worse.

If it weren't for me admitting the sexual abuse by a family member we'd all be pulling together, but because of me, no one can and theres...someone I care about with things going (family) on and I can't even help her.

I try to protect my mum.

I kinda want to go to the group to meet like-minded people but atm I'm in a really bad place and don't want first time they see me to be bad...

ducklin thanks for your words, they were lovely <3

[Buttons.]

I've just hidden my meds. I don't entirely know why.

[Buttons.]

You know what one of the horrible things about all this is? I can't say fully whats happened, I don't dare (my issue not anyone else's btw)

[Buttons.]

Support worker hasn't turned up. Feels like a sign.

[Patch.]

Sorry Katy, I misunderstood. I thought it wasbyoyr health AND other stuff that has happened. I get you now.

*offers hugs and a safe place to talk*
Sorry your support worker hasn't shown up. Can you phone and seen why?

[Uglyducklin]

Hi Katy I hope you are safe and you can reach your support worker.

[Amaryllis]

I hope that you're safe.

[Wonderland.]

Katy lovely, sending you a box full of love [<3]

Here if you anything munchkin xxx

[Buttons.]

I don't know how to pretend I want to be here anymore... awkward depressing shit.