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Old 13-12-2018, 12:39 PM   #61
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I think I'd be too embarrassed.

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Old 17-12-2018, 04:34 PM   #62
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Hey, I saw your RV, how are you doing?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-12-2018, 04:35 PM   #63
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Hey thanks for your reply. I'm not feeling great right now. Feeling pretty suicidal.

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Old 17-12-2018, 04:44 PM   #64
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I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. Is there something in particular that is making you feel like that?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-12-2018, 05:09 PM   #65
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Worrying about the appointment with the new CPN tomorrow. Feel like I've been completely abandoned by services since I've moved out of supported housing about 6 weeks ago. No one's even bothered to phone me in the last few weeks to see how I am. I also got really triggered and upset reading local news that have given me "ideas." I know I'm pathetic.

I also feel so alone. No one's supporting me really and I just feel hopeless about the future.

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Old 17-12-2018, 06:12 PM   #66
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It's a shame you feel unsupported, maybe now you're meeting the CPN things will be put in place for you. What worries you about meeting the CPN? Will anything make it easier or will someone be with you?

You're not pathetic at all, it can be easy to get upset and triggered especially when you're feeling low as it is.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-12-2018, 06:17 PM   #67
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I hope so although I doubt it. No one seems to care.

I just hope she is understanding and helpful. I'm worried I don't get on with her like I didn't the last one. I'm worried she won't see me as a priority or help me with the meds situation. I think I need to see a psych really and I'm overdue as it is but I doubt anything will get done especially with Christmas approaching. Luckily my support worker is coming with me so I hope she can help to fight my corner.

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Old 17-12-2018, 06:21 PM   #68
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Those are understandable worries, we are all individual people and sometimes we click with each other and sometimes we don't. Do you think you get a good impression of how you'll get on with someone the first time you meet them? I have sometimes felt like I wouldn't get on with someone after our first meeting but then things have improved. I guess you should give her a good chance. Can you write down the things that you have said are important to you right now - help with meds, psych appointment? It's difficult with the time of year it is but you should at least be offered an appointment when one is available.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-12-2018, 06:26 PM   #69
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True but not only that, my care coordinator was awful anyway...she wasn't good at her job or even a nice person. She was cold hearted and never got anything done, never really helped me in any way. And then recently went off on maternity leave, leaving me without even bothering to tell me and leaving me without support.

I just feel like she could have called me. She had the cheek to call my mum and introduce herself but not bother to ring me and introduce herself to me and ask how I was doing or anything considering all the changes I've had to deal with lately etc. So I have a feeling I won't like her because of that.

I guess so yes. I'm just really worried about the meds situation and hope somehow it can be resolved fairly quickly but I have a feeling it won't be and I'll just be left to suffer for ages.

My support worker is coming early tomorrow before the appt and said we would discuss/write down what we need to talk about with her so I'm hoping that will help.

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Old 18-12-2018, 12:13 PM   #70
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I hope things go well today.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-12-2018, 12:23 PM   #71
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Thank you. It didn't go the way I was hoping it to would.

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Old 18-12-2018, 03:14 PM   #72
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I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about anything that happened/didn't happen?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-12-2018, 03:50 PM   #73
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Thanks. She began the appointment by saying she hasn't had a hand over yet so she knows nothing about me so she thought it might be good to hear it from me. She asked about my involvement with services and why I've been under them and what I've had from them which does/doesn't help.

I explained the meds situation and she said she'd suggest I start taking them again and said in the meantime she would get me an appt with the psych for a few weeks time to discuss alternatives.

I know it's Christmas coming up but I was disappointed that the psych appt isn't sooner than a few weeks away but even more disappointed that she hasn't offered me an appt back to see her til the 7th Jan. Before I was being seen weekly.

She said my anxiety sounds like the main issue and needs to be dealt with and gave me a list of groups and stuff. She said it doesn't sound like I'm "ready" for psychology or anything like that yet and I have to say I agree with that.

I also tried to explain I'd been in hospital a lot and that when I'm not on my medication I get suicidal a lot etc. She didn't seem to care or even acknowledge this.

We discussed my care package and I explained it was helpful but that I felt I didn't have enough hours a week. She just kept saying that if we get my anxiety "dealt with" I probably wouldn't need more hours. Which is nonsense. It's not just anxiety.

Everytime she asked me a question and I started to explain anything, she would interrupt me continuously. She just didn't seem to listen.

The appt was only around 20 minutes.

I feel disappointed and hopeless.

Waiting now to hear back from drs re whether or not it's safe to start taking them again. Then I will make a decision about going back on them or not.

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Old 18-12-2018, 04:42 PM   #74
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Been offered an appt with the psych for Wednesday or Thursday but couldn't go then as I don't have a support worker then. They offered me Christmas Eve which I took, but I'm not sure going Christmas Eve is a good idea. If I do have a change of meds I really don't want a bunch of new side effects to deal with or have a miserable Christmas. Don't know what to do.

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Old 18-12-2018, 06:03 PM   #75
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It's good that you've managed to get an appointment with the psych sooner, have you met them before? I think it would be worth going to the appointment to save you from having to wait longer, maybe just mention to the psych that you want to be as well as possible over Christmas and see what they suggest.

I can understand how hard it is when you've had regular support and then it is reduced quite a bit. When she gets to know you better she should be more understanding of your needs and what support is right for you. What is your support from the support workers going to be like over the Christmas period?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 18-12-2018, 06:11 PM   #76
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Yeah that's a good point. I'll talk to my support worker about it when she comes Friday. It's just if I need to change the appt I'd rather do it sooner rather than later.

I hope she does get to know me better and gains more understanding, although I'm not feeling hopeful of that.

I have them a couple of hours on Christmas Eve and on the 27th and 28th.

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Old 23-12-2018, 04:50 PM   #77
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No one cares.

Lately, since I moved house and out of area, it has felt very much like no one in the world cares about me. No one cares if I'm dead or alive. No one cares if I'm struggling. I don't even care about myself. I feel like I must be such a bad person. It feels like no one wants to help or support me. Services have let me down hugely. I thought things would change when I moved here but in reality, nothing has changed and things have got harder. I thought I'd get better care here but so far I've just been abandoned. Everything seems to be such a fight and I don't think I have enough fight left in me anymore.

I barely see my parents now and although I've got support workers who are great, they are time limited and it just doesn't feel enough especially when I have no one else.

I'm dreading Christmas atm and dreading my psych appt tomorrow and if it's anything like the rest of the "care" i've had lately, the psych won't care either. I'm so scared there won't be any suitable alternatives meds wise that actually work and it could take ages to feel better. Or maybe I never will feel better. It seems the ones that shout the loudest get the most help and support and quiet ones get left. I'm scared I'll end up in hospital again, if not dead if things continue the way they are. I feel so alone.

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Old 23-12-2018, 05:45 PM   #78
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I'm curious, are you noticing that how you've worded things in what you wrote is, "I feel" and wondering if any part of you can recognise that how you feel might be different than how things actually are? Like you might feel that nobody cares, but it might not actually be true in reality? I'm wondering if you view those things as different or can see that they could be.

Moving is stressful for anyone even without mental health issues, and hopefully once you start to feel settled and get some support in place, things will feel a bit less intense.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 23-12-2018, 05:50 PM   #79
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I didn't notice that until now. I don't know, but that's how I feel and I'm pretty sure no one likes me. I'm not sure if moving here was a mistake. It's all too much for me.

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Old 23-12-2018, 06:13 PM   #80
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I understand that's how you feel, and your feelings are valid.

But I'm wondering if you think the reality of the situation may be different, and that there is a possibility that your feelings are not representative of the facts?



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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