Help would be appreciated

[Cacoethes]

I feel needles in my veins. In my hands and feet.
I was to cut into them to get them out
I want to take pills to stop the anxiety
Called crisis and she tried to help but ultimately can't do anything
I don't know what to do now

[nonperson]

I think that you know cutting them out would be a bad idea.

Is it those feelings causing the anxiety or is it something else causing it?

Do you have anyone else you can call? I know your family aren't nearby but is there someone who could keep you company or just have a chat on the phone about it?

[Cacoethes]

Thank you for replying

Yes it would be a bad idea and i don't want to.
But the feeling of the needles is so so bad and I want it to stop.

The anxiety has just been steadily getting worse anyway.

I don't have anyone to call.
I don't have any friends local to me.
And if I called my mum then she'd just worry because of what I've been like before

[nonperson]

I understand about not wanting to talk to your family. My mother is exactly the same...

I'm not sure if this is a silly suggestion or not, but can you go and do something else with your hands and feet to change how they feel? Like vigorous exercise or a hot/cold shower... or dancing... something to get the blood pumping and flush that feeling away.

[one_step_closer]

I don't think cutting would really stop the pins and needles feeling but I understand why you're feeling like doing that. Nonperson has some good ideas there. How do you normally cope when you feel anxious?

[Cacoethes]

That's a really good idea nonperson.
I'll try a zumba video

Its not really pins and needles Lindsay.
Its like actual needles that are in my veins.

I don't think I've ever actually been quite this anxious before.
I never used to be anxious at all and now its suddenly all i can feel

[one_step_closer]

Sorry I actually didn't mean to write the word 'pins' it just happened. I think I know what feeling you mean and it's not nice, hope the zumba helps, maybe it will help ease your anxiety a bit too. Can you identify anything that has changed that might be making you more anxious recently?

[Cacoethes]

Its getting worse.
I dont know.
I cant deal with this.

I don't know what's changed.
Ive had college work and interviews anx stuff whicb can be stressful

[Aubergine]

Hey Beckie.


What are you doing at the moment?


Can you sit up straight, place your hand on your stomach and take a deep breath that reaches right down into your tummy? Feel the sensation of you tummy rising and falling as you breathe in and out slowly. Don't worry about counting the breaths if it doesn't help you, as we all breathe at different rates - just concentrate on breathing deep and slow. If you can, notice the air go into you nostrils cold, and in warm.


This is intense for you, I get that. Anxiety is awful. It won't be this intense for long though - your body can't sustain this level of arousal long-term. Things will start to calm and you will be OK.


Here with you. Keep posting.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you aubergine

Im watching a film and trying to play on my DS.
I took my meds already so i can sleep but theh havent seem.to be working the last few days qnd i domt know why so my sleep hasbt been good
I domt want to be awake

[Aubergine]

You're doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it. What game are you playing? I particularly like Mario Kart!


I think sometimes we can get so anxious that even sedating medication can not make us that sleepy. I know that's what it's like with me. Sometimes I can be so agitated that even dosing myself up with things does not help. That doesn't mean that they won't help again though. I think you've mentioned that you have some diazepam in the house. Have you been able to take it as prescribed? Used alongside some relaxation stuff, it can be a really good tool for managing the extreme side of anxiety until things naturally settle down a bit. Because things will settle down, really they will.


Is there anyone you can call? Do you have access to the crisis team or similar? How about the Samaritans?

[Cacoethes]

Its a Dr House game.
I got it yesterday

Ive been taking it as presxribed
Ive nearly run out though
Nearly going to take more because i want to stop
Its too much

I calld crisis earlier and they were nice but ultimately can't do much

[Aubergine]

Oh a Dr House game sounds good. What do you have to do?


Well done for taking it as prescribed. Has it helped at all? I can understand you wanting at all to stop; anxiety can feel so unbearable. It won't last forever though, or even for a great length of time. You've been OK before and you will be OK again.


Well done for calling crisis; I'm glad they were nice. You deserve people to be nice to you. Do you think it would help to talk to them again? I know there's not necessarily anything practical they can do, but they might be able to do some guided relaxation with you or something. What do you think?


Can you think of anything in particular that's making you anxious? I know you've mentioned college work and university interviews, and both of those things can be incredibly stressful. Is there anyone at college you could talk things through with when you go back?


Do you think you could hold on until Tuesday and then make an appointment with the GP? Or call duty? Perhaps seeing someone face to face might help. Can sometimes feel a bit more useful than talking on the phone.

[Cacoethes]

Lots of things.
Its actually a lot better and more involved than i expected.

I cant really feel any effect from meds yet.

I dont think it would help to call again.
It took a while to build myself up to calling last time and they can't do anything anyway.

Im on the waiting list for counselling sessions at college. I was thinking about talking to my main tutor about it.
Im trying to space out doing my work too because i alwyas leave it to thr last minute but im trying not to.

No doubt the crisis team will notify my CC. I think I'm seeing her on Wednesday.
I don't like talking to her though
I dont know why.
Shes very nice. She just kind of irritates me somehow. Which is a bit unfair because she tries.

I think im hearing things again.
Just can't get a break

Thanj you for talking to me

[Aubergine]

Cool. Sounds good. I used to love House going back a few years. Can't watch hospital programmes of any kind now though, for some reason - they make me feel really uncomfortable! Nice to get into a game of some kind, especially if it's quite involved. I hope you get a lot out of it.


I think that talking to your main tutor about things would be a really good idea. They might be able to suggest other stuff that student support could help with, including managing workload and spacing out assignments and things. You're doing amazingly with studying; it's hard work.


I'm sorry that your CC seems to irritate you. It's really difficult when you don't feel like you can talk to someone who your meant to be able to confide in. Do you think you will be OK to wait until Wednesday to see someone? I think you get on well with your GP. Would you find it easier to talk to her? It would be OK to get an appointment with her next week too, if you feel it would be helpful. You don't need to be alone with this. You AREN'T alone with this.


Are you able to stick headphones in if you're hearing things again? That can help some people. Or perhaps something else that's helped you before when this has happened? It's hard when if feels like you can't catch a break. You are going through a tough time at the moment.

[Cacoethes]

I do need help with college stuff.
Im afraid to.ask questions in case i come across as stupid which then means i get behind with things
Even when i submit a piece of work i start to panic that ive accidentally plagiarised the whole thing

I think it would be easier to speak to my GP if i can get an appointment
Although i have clozapine clinic then and that pretty much takes up the whole day because of travel time

Im gojng to put my headphones in
Im still not tired
Wondering if it will really do any harm in taking a few more clozapine just to get to sleep
Idk

[Aubergine]

It sounds like talking to your college tutor could be really helpful. Not feeling able to ask questions must be really tough if you're struggling to understand certain things - asking questions certainly doesn't make you stupid. Hopefully your tutor may be able to reassure you about the plagiarism thing. You clearly haven't done it up until now, or someone would have said something.


How do you get on with the people at the clozapine clinic? Would you be able to talk to them about how things are at the moment? Perhaps you could see your GP later on in the week if you were able to open up to one of the nurses.


I really wouldn't recommend taking any extra clozapine. It would be dangerous and might not make you sleep anyway.


How are you getting on after putting your headphones in?

[Cacoethes]

That is true

I get on realy well with the clozapine nurses.
They can usually tell when something is up anyway.
Although they'll just email CC.

Tbh i did take a tiny b
I really jist want to sleep.
Im gonna go to bed and blast some music through headphones and hopefully go to sleep.

Thank you for youe support tonight.
I realy appreciate it

[one_step_closer]

How are you doing now? Hope you managed to get some sleep and things are at least a bit better.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks Lindsay
Just got up and I can't say I'm thrilled to be awake
I'm just realy hoping today is better