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Old 16-03-2017, 10:25 PM   #321
Irisflower
 
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Hi Lillie,
You've done amazingly in your recovery and we're all thinking of you and hoping that you know that you are awesome!!!!!
Hugs!



I changed my password everywhere to "incorrect". That way, when I forget it, it always reminds me, "Your password is incorrect."


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Old 16-03-2017, 10:32 PM   #322
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You can do this Lillie! Things are difficult and hard but the alternative was difficult and hard. This is your option for a good tomorrow. You are strong and you can get through the next tough however long and there will be a future where you are in less pain. You have fought so hard over the last few weeks, you have been so brave and you can do this!



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Old 17-03-2017, 12:22 AM   #323
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I'm sorry things are hard, but they will get better. Keep fighting. You can get through this. Thinking of you.

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Old 17-03-2017, 01:24 PM   #324
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Thanks guys. I feel rough. I ran out of art therapy crying. I left early today and am fighting the urge to binge and purge whilst waiting for the train home.

There's so much to sort out this weekend and I can't I don't know if I can get through.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 17-03-2017, 01:41 PM   #325
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And now I'm pretty much crying whilst waiting for the train. I feel so lonely.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 17-03-2017, 01:47 PM   #326
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Would it help to write a list and prioritise what really needs doing, and break each task down into small steps?

It may help you feel less overwhelmed.

Are there any friends/family, that can come over and help you?

Might make you feel less alone, and may be able to get some of the tasks done quicker.



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 17-03-2017, 01:53 PM   #327
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I did that last night I wrote a list in the order I'm going to do things. It did help a little.

Part of the problem and the whole reason behind my crying is that I have no friends where I live. And I feel very very judged for it.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 17-03-2017, 02:03 PM   #328
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I'm glad doing the list helped a little bit.

Maybe that feeling of being judged is something you could think about bringing up in therapy.

Lots of people don't have friends where they live, and for a whole range of different reasons. It doesn't mean you are any less of a worthy human being though. And like 99.9% of people won't even know you don't have friends in your area. Most people are too busy wrapped up there own lives to notice whats going on in anyone elses.

I bet the harshest person judging you, is actually yourself.

You are lovely Lillie and we are here for you <3

Remember if you are feeling unsafe, please ring The Cassel, they are there to help you through all these horrible feelings and thoughts as well.




'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 17-03-2017, 02:58 PM   #329
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I agree with everything Ames has said.

You do have friends, a lot of people care about you.
I understand though how hard it can be to not have them around physically. I have exactly ONE local friend and it makes me feel bad and lonely sometimes.

Call/text people throughout the day. If it is late at night and you don't want to phone/text people feel free to message me on here or on FB, you know me, up all night most of the time anyway.




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.


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Old 19-03-2017, 06:39 PM   #330
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Yep just wanted to drop by, echo what Lana said and let you know to please feel free to drop me a text anytime (probably a text is better than Facebook because you know what I'm like with that!) I think I can speak for anyone who knows you, has read this thread or replied to it that we're all thinking of you, but it's also understandable that sometimes you might just want to see your friends face to face and have some hugs! Many virtual hugs coming your way lovely. Do you have photos and things around your room from people who mean a lot to you? Do you think that might help or if you do does it help or not?



Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.


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Old 19-03-2017, 08:18 PM   #331
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Thank you for your continued support. I don't have many words right now but I have read. X



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 22-03-2017, 06:18 PM   #332
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I want to leave treatment. I'm not getting anything from this. I want out.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 22-03-2017, 06:44 PM   #333
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How long have you been at the Cassel? Maybe give it longer, it's a long term solution.

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Old 22-03-2017, 06:52 PM   #334
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I've been actually here for 5 weeks.



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Old 22-03-2017, 07:00 PM   #335
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So you're still starting out. I know five weeks feels like a bloody long time but don't most people stay a year?

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Old 22-03-2017, 08:12 PM   #336
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It's a 9 month stay, so till September for me.

It's hard because one girl left today for a break because she can't take it anymore. The whole community is struggling. And I cant. I just can't.

I want to go home and self harm and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up self harm. I know like jodie says I will just live the life of a chronic self harmer if I don't give this a go but I want to feel the high of pain.



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Old 22-03-2017, 08:23 PM   #337
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I really empathise with how painful that can feel. If it's any reassurance at all, the community will have made it through these tough times many times before and will do so again. It's almost like an intense representation of the flow of life. I don't know what to suggest other than trying to go with it, because it will get better. Just in these moments, is bloody awful.

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Old 22-03-2017, 08:32 PM   #338
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Remind yourself of how desperate you wanted to stay when you were worried you might not be allowed to. Hold on to that.

Even if right now you feel like you are not getting anything out of the Cassel, there is nothing you gain from leaving now other than going back to being alone at home exhausted and drained and in pain because of physical and mental illness, forcing yourself to work when you shouldn't until you throw up form the pain and being at high risk for harming yourself including the potential loss of limb. The Cassel surely is preferable to that even when it doesn't feel majorly useful atm.

Also, when I was in therapy I never felt like it helped at all. But a year or two later I actually caught myself being able to help myself using methods that I had learnt in therapy.




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.


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Old 22-03-2017, 08:45 PM   #339
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Agree with the above.

What do you want out of a life of self harm? What would that achieve for you?

What do you want out of life?

You say you're not ready to give up self harm, can you say why?




Imperfection is underrated.



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Old 22-03-2017, 09:05 PM   #340
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I know self harm is miserable but I've not found anything that gives that high and that relief. That stupidly great euphoric high is what I love.

I don't think I'm going to get anything out of life. I think I've lived over my years already. I want to harm. I want so much to just self harm. I'm not ready to give it up because nothing helps like it does and nothing replaces it. And I'm failing at therapy.



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