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Old 05-11-2013, 05:16 AM   #1
keladry
 
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Forgiveness

So I've been working for a while, (years) to forgive. To forgive him. To forgive my mom. To forgive myself.

To forgive him for what he did. To forgive my mom for being blind to it and not believing me. And to forgive myself for still hating him. And to forgive whoever hurt him or her that helped contribute to them being the way they are (cycle of violence and all that).

I need to forgive him, it's weighing me down. I know this.

The problem is... It's starting to work. And as much as I need to forgive him, it's scary. It makes it hard to breathe when I think about it. My heart races and I want to cry.

When I readth Inge about similar situations to mine, I've started feeling bad for not just the person being hurt... But I also feel bad for the hurter. Because they are people too. And I'm sure they're hurting somehow, something must be wrong with them for them to...

I see them as people. And that is scary. Previously I could only see him as a person by making myself not a person. i.e. It's okay he only did that to me so it doesn't matter

But now I'm in a place to say it's not okay what he did. But he's still a person. But what does that make me? It's hard when I'm a person and he is too. I'm not sure what to do with my feelings. I feel sick, ugh. It's tough because I thought I was getting over this. Maybe I still am and it's just hard right now, I don't really know.

Maybe this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry if that is the case. Thanks for reading.



"Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow" -Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight
-You are More, Tenth Avenue North
louloubear ( is in here somewhere )


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Old 05-11-2013, 11:38 PM   #2
lost_alone
 
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Make perfect sence to me i have the exact same thing ! U just made me feel better kniwing im not the only one ! I still struggle alot with him but mum loves him and he makes her so happy its human to notlike eveyone he just didnt like me !!! Its so hard makes ur brain go round in circles x

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Old 11-11-2013, 09:43 AM   #3
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i think forgiveness is a very difficult thing. i eventually (only this year, 15 years after it happened) forgave my abuser..... Mainly because in my circumstance i came to the conclusion i'm in a better place than him. I'm still here, his paranoid mind meant that he is not any more.

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Old 19-11-2013, 01:54 AM   #4
Patent Pending
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It makes sense to me.

I think forgiveness is different for everyone and perhaps this is just how you need to deal with it all...and that's okay.

Holding onto hurt for years can almost become...comfortable...so it's understandable that you feel scared/nervous about looking at moving past it.

Take things slowly and be kind to yourself.

x x x



It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...


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Old 22-11-2013, 10:44 AM   #5
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The human species come in such an amazing variety of people, and that's absolutely beautiful, but can be a very dark and ugly thing as well, it's often difficult to view yourself as being the same as an abuser, but it helps to keep the thought of the varieties of people (individuality)

Abuse can happen for many different reasons, more often than not it's all part of a cycle something bad happens to them, they in turn act out towards someone else, other times it could be drugs, alcohol, or simply not being able to deal with stress, or their own insecurities.

I am NOT saying that it's okay for their behavior, or that it's justified, because it's not, simply stating that it's not your fault.

I've also seen some cases where abusers can totally change their lives around with therapy, and sometimes medications sometimes on their own though the later being less likely.


I'm not sticking up for them, just trying to point out some factors, that may make it easier for you.

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Old 29-11-2013, 05:41 PM   #6
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Finding an explanation for a persons behaviour doesn't excuse them. It just helps you understand some reasons why they acted the way they did, which can actually be helpful, especially if you're prone to thinking 'I was bad and that's why he hurt me'.




Imperfection is underrated.



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Old 29-11-2013, 10:00 PM   #7
Buttons.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePrincessOfDenial View Post
Finding an explanation for a persons behaviour doesn't excuse them. It just helps you understand some reasons why they acted the way they did, which can actually be helpful, especially if you're prone to thinking 'I was bad and that's why he hurt me'.
QFT



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 05-02-2014, 01:20 AM   #8
keladry
 
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Thanks you guys <3



"Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow" -Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight
-You are More, Tenth Avenue North
louloubear ( is in here somewhere )


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