This will possibly get really babbly,as my heads running round in circles.
Im starting to get really stressed out about things,mainly an ed assessment (that i don't and didn't want) that i have to go to in june-i have to go by order of my psych/gp/psychologist.
My psychologist is stressing me out because he offered me 12 more sessions on top of my original 12 but it comes with conditions,part of those conditions also depend on the ed service. So there could be two different options.
One is see him,see a different dietician than the main one (if available) and whatever else the ed team think.
The other is see him and my gp to monitor the weight side (in case the ed team can't work with me whilst working with my therapist).
Then there are conditions about me working with my therapist but they haven't been clarified yet,the main one is weight gain bit he hasn't specified how much,all's he's said is "a significant amount" as therapy won't work whilst Im at my current weight (baring in mind i only have 12 sessions,bit of an impossibility).
Im beginning to regret agreeing to the extra sessions,i feel like Im being set up to fail. Or that my therapist is actually in some sort of denial,that he's trying to stop something that he has no control or much say over (ip has been brought up as a warning and because he knows how badly going there affects me,he somehow thinks he can save me from,well,me).
Im aware that my thinking is more ed talking that it is actually me now. I did try to prevent it,partly by being as open and honest with people as i could (which is a major step forward as Im usually avoiding professionals and....lying?).
Ive tried explaining that i actually don't see the point in trying anymore,that i tried bloody hard before and had recovered,got a job etc and its all been destroyed by something (my therapist knows the issue,just don't want to trigger anyone).
I guess its reached a point that I've never truly been at before,where i really don't see a way forward and that knowing this isn't really bothering me,i just accept it and keep self destructing. (except where i have a few moments of clarity and then i don't *see* how i could even start to do anything).
I feel like I've run out of fight.
I don't know what Im wanting from this post if Im honest? advice? suggestions?possibilities?
I don't know. Has anyone been at a similar point?
Last edited by snailonvalium : 15-06-2013 at 02:50 PM.
Have you spoken to your psych about how you are feeling that he is setting you up to fail?
Perhaps you could come up with what you think are more realistic conditions.
Thanks for replying,Im going to talk to him in more detail about the failing bit,i did ask him "what if i can't do it" but didn't really get an answer :/
Ive put some of my thoughts forward but he's not comfortable with some of my ideas....
The more i think about it all,the less convinced i am that the idea is going to work,maybe if there was more detail then i would be more hopeful but it seems that we're waiting to see what the ed team say to him,then me at the assessment which wastes two session and i don't think even with the info we'll be any nearer.
Thanks for replying x
If you don't feel as though the treatment plan is going to work, it might be a good idea to have a proper talk to your therapist. Perhaps you could write a breakdown of each thing and why you think it is or isn't suitable for you, and take it to the discussion. Then you won't have to worry about not being able to express yourself properly, and your therapist could take the paper away and look it over.
If you don't feel as though the treatment plan is going to work, it might be a good idea to have a proper talk to your therapist. Perhaps you could write a breakdown of each thing and why you think it is or isn't suitable for you, and take it to the discussion. Then you won't have to worry about not being able to express yourself properly, and your therapist could take the paper away and look it over.
Thanks for your reply x
Ive gone with your idea, though am taking it to my ed assesment rather than giving it my therapist as a lot of things depend on the outcime if that :/
Though I have a feeling some things have been pre planned, I think eds have decided with my therapist that ill be seeing them alongside (my therapist said something about it).
Im just getting peed off with the whole thing now, people are obsessed about the assesment like suddenly itll be ok because the eds will be involved. Which I actually dont want.
I dont even want to go to the damned assessment.
Sick of people going on about my weight now. Im actually a whole lot heavier now than the last time I apparently looked like this (thank you muscle for making my life hell).
I went to the assesment.
Theud already decided I was going to be in the service so it was pointless even turning up.
To say one of the first things she said was they were willing to work with/compromise with me, doesnt seem like that to me since ive automatically got a case manager, I HAVE to see a dietician and I have to regularly see my gp.
Im agreeable to seeing my gp, I have no problem with him. Under no circumstances do I want to see a dietician-which has and was made clear.
The only reason I agreed to go is because I cant continue my therapy if I didn't attend. Now its looking like If I dont see the eds, I dont get the therapy.
Its like the goal posts keep being moved, which is peeing me off alongside the fact im peed off in general with the whole thing.
I did better recovery wise by myself than I ever did with any input with the ed service.
I did try to be as open and honest as I could whilst I was there, which lasted about half an hour? Because she was asking me queations id already answered and didnt seem to be listeneing to my explainations so i switched to just giving short answers and messing up the weight/height check so they dont know my true height/weight.
How do you tell a service to get lost when they arwnt lostening to you politely tell them. I mean I couldnt have made it any clearer and by the end I was definitely just telling her point blanc I dont want their input.
Not sure I can say too much to be of help except that I'm hearing your struggle and hoping that you can get the support you need from your therapist. It seems unfair for the doctor to refer you for things you do not feel ready for, but perhaps he has your best interests in mind as he sees them at least? *hugs*
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Unfortunately teams do make conditions on therapy, often when they feel worried for your physical health and consider it unethical to work on the mental side without treating and monitoring the physical aspects.
I disliked the way things worked in my ed team, [although they never offered me therapy so there was no bargaining tool there] I just got the dietician, but that's what I wanted. The first time in EDS however I got the psychotherapist for 6 sessions and I was told that meant gaining weight, otherwise they'd discharge early, I empathise that this approach is unhelpful for a lot of people.
If you don't like the way they run their team, could you look into private therapy? I can see how uncomfortable it is to have them sitting in on your therapy sessions [I would find this distracting and offputting].
Could you ask that you see them separately just so you get the individual time with your therapist.
Not sure I can say too much to be of help except that I'm hearing your struggle and hoping that you can get the support you need from your therapist. It seems unfair for the doctor to refer you for things you do not feel ready for, but perhaps he has your best interests in mind as he sees them at least? *hugs*
Thanks. I can see his point and still do, its just I feel more told what to do, rather than it being discussed.
Thanks for replying x
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnonymous
Unfortunately teams do make conditions on therapy, often when they feel worried for your physical health and consider it unethical to work on the mental side without treating and monitoring the physical aspects.
I disliked the way things worked in my ed team, [although they never offered me therapy so there was no bargaining tool there] I just got the dietician, but that's what I wanted. The first time in EDS however I got the psychotherapist for 6 sessions and I was told that meant gaining weight, otherwise they'd discharge early, I empathise that this approach is unhelpful for a lot of people.
If you don't like the way they run their team, could you look into private therapy? I can see how uncomfortable it is to have them sitting in on your therapy sessions [I would find this distracting and offputting].
Could you ask that you see them separately just so you get the individual time with your therapist.
Up until the assesment the conditions were going to be discussed but now, the ed have added in there input with no discussion and its all supposes to be about compromise between us all.
I asked my gp about seeing an none eds dietician but they wont accept me :/
I was happy with just my t, adding my gp back in by seeing him regulalry and seeing if the therapy alone would help (it has done before).
As the ed service in my area are almost a law unto themselves, they will say one thing (they told my t it would be collaborative) yet do another.
Im seeing my t on monday so am going to bring it up with him that im not at all happy and we need to get the eds to back off for now (in a less involvement than theyve deided way) as too much input or dictation by them has a negative inpact on my ed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stellata
What worries you about the dietician?
Its more their dietician, than general dieticians. maybe its just me but i dont find the way she approaches things helpful and she only works that one way (weve crossed paths many times over the years).
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