Just wanted to drop in and say hello to everyone. Carrie and dancintrulife, dunno if I introduced myself, and my 'net connection is so slow it would take forever to go back and find out, but I'm Bane.
Are we still talking about reasons for picking? I think that's a legitimate discussion, and I'd like to add my two cents. I've been at it since I was about ten or eleven (I don't remember perfectly, but that's pretty close). I started because I'd begun to notice "imperfections"; ingrown hairs on elbows, etc. When I hit puberty the habit became really bad. Ironically, I've gotten better of the perfectionism somewhat, but the habit has stuck because in a weird way it is so calming. I had quit for awhile, but I've lapsed and haven't been able to make quitting stick again. :/
It's definitely developed into a self-soothing thing for me. I notice myself doing it more when I feel stressed out. I also do it to defuse my temper. In a way it's almost meditative. I go over conversations in my mind, or think through problems, and for some reason I seem to be able to think more clearly; I don't think dissociation is the right word, but I do "check out," and retreat into my head.
I can really relate to your reasons. I've never really thought about it, but I do exactly the same thing regarding going over conversations, thinking about situations etc. whilst I'm picking. It's one of the only times I ever truly feel fully focussed on something I suppose. I can be picking and people will call me from downstairs or ask me if I want a drink or something and I can't answer them because I'm so caught up in thought. I often find myself going over the 'bad times', actually. As well as things that are stressing me out at the time.
I think having insight is really important in trying to stop - thanks for bringing it up again :)
Hi Kate. :) Good to see you around again as well. It's been a bit. I hope you're getting by all right.
I find myself going over negative things, too. Sometimes, when I'm having a bad time dealing with something, I will get caught up in thinking or writing about it, but eventually I wind up picking. I've wondered if it's sort of auto-hypnotic, or something.
Also, off the topic, I hope things go/went okay at the doctor, Carrie.
Hello! Bane, is it? Nice to hear from you and can relate to what you said about picking, totally.
Thanks again for the advice Kate! My GP visit went well and I've been referred to the Primary Care Mental Health Team... I'm not sure if that's affiliated with CMHT. I suppose they're all connected. I think I'm going to them for assessment so I may disclose about my self-harm then, since I didn't say anything about it to the doc. The primary care team itself seems to offer 'short term counselling for mild mental health problems'. Okay, so I don't feel suicidal and I still function but I've had MH problems since I was a child and I'm twenty-one now... So I don't think counselling for mild mental health problems is the answer, but I'll go along with it! Hopefully it won't be a case of being passed around from place to place before I get sufficient help, like your story Kate.
Feel we should get the conversation back to dermatillomania (I love how that word sounds, despite HATING it at the same time, lol). I also go into a bit of a trance when I'm picking. Major procrastination. I do it when I'm reading quite a bit. Or just when I'm bored - eek, picking as a form of 'light entertainment'.
Carrie, I'm so pleased for you! I'm pretty sure that the Primary Care Mental Health lot are more or less the same as the the Community Mental Health Team. Why they have to make it so complicated and long-winded I don't know! But anyway, they'll probably/hopefully refer you somewhere (straight away!) that can offer some more substantial help. I would just be as honest as possible so that the support can be more specific and tailored to best help you. Big well done on your part! I really understand how daunting appointments can be but it sounds like you did well!
Dermatillomania does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Though 'dermatillomaniac' isn't quite so pleasing somehow. In fact, the word 'picking' really isn't my favourite either. I should imagine it's purely to do with my negative connotations, but it's just one of those words that makes me feel a bit...uncomfortable? (How waffle-y!)
Aha, light entertainment! I'm definitely a 'picker' through boredom, too. I was picking earlier (bleurgh.) and found myself working out what happened in The Apprentice last week so that I could watch it tonight and have it all fresh from last time. How random! I think I'm so...used to doing it that I'm not consciously thinking about what I'm doing while I'm doing it at all, even if I'm looking in a mirror or whatever.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, fire! Lovely. I'm sure I read something interesting about it the other day that I meant to mention...ergh, completely forgotten. I'll try and have a good think -though hopefully not whilst picking!
Thank you! I'm so glad I went to the appointment and have got something sorted. I'm definitely going to jot down all my symptoms. I've already entitled this list 'Comprehensive Symptom Review' - Yes, I'm this geeky.
Picking isn't a nice word, but cutting sounds worse I think! It should be called 'engaging in a bit of dermatillomania' - does that sound dirty?? I think I go off on tangents too On that note, maybe picking helps us focus... It sounds a bit like it from what you said about The Apprentice. And I do the same when reading or watching something, otherwise I get distracted SO easily.
I've written 'distractibility' as one of my symptoms too. I'm going to be fearful of reading this list back. I sound proper mental.
I could always go to my appointment with the mental health team and say, 'I'm a dermatillomaniac - treat me NOW. I have nails, and I know how to use them.'
A long time ago I made posts about Derma, I deleted them all..
just didn't want them to be found I guess... kinda just wanted to erase everything..
But anyway! Here's a thread that perhaps I can be a part of ^-^
I shouldn't sound so happy about it heheh..
I guess it's just somewhat comforting, to see people that actually know what Dermatillomania is, most people are just like "What's that?" and if you tell them they're all like "Eeeewwww" which makes you feel sooo wonderful doesn't it? *Sarcasm*...
I've had Derma.. most of my life?
Started as picking at pre-existing wounds as a child,
to actually making wounds myself..
It really upsets me.. The majority of picking..
Is all over my breasts.. And I hate it..
Also on my arms, and legs..
God, it just makes me feel so awful..
I've ruined my breasts..
I try to let them heal.. but I just never manage it :(
I hope to find support here..
And I hope to stop feeling so alone in this :(
I find it comforting too to find people who also have dermatillomania and are willing to speak openly about it. Gives me a sense of solidarity. I don't know any one in 'real life' who knows what the hell dermatillomania is. I get the feeling if I went into how I've basically picked at my scalp since childhood and have bald patches (thankfully I can still cover them up so no one seems to notice, except when I picked to excess and EVERYONE noticed, but said nothing) they just wouldn't understand.
I kind of wish I could offer advice out to how to stop but I'm not in the position where I'm recovering. I pick just about every day.
Personally, I don't see why you wouldn't be happy about finding a thread where you actually feel comfortable talking about this. I've thought a lot about this, and I think the reason it's been so hard for me to quit picking is precisely that I feel I have to keep it hidden. From the time I started I've always thought of myself as bad for doing it; in my mind it's swollen into a shameful and dirty secret. I've lived for so long with the idea that no one else could know about it that by now covering up and telling lies is part of who I am. I think the poor self-image I have is as much to do with the feeling of being tainted and damaged as it is the actual scars and sores from picking.
There's a point to this, I swear. ;) What I'm getting at is that I think it's a good thing to be able to come to this thread and talk openly. Maybe if the lot of us can all get it off our chests, so to speak, it will start to seem less monstrous, and easier to eventually overcome.
Anyway, I don't want to sound sanctimonious, but anyone who ever wants to vent, or needs someone to talk to, is totally welcome to use the email link in my profile page. <3
Last edited by Heartless : 08-11-2010 at 09:53 PM.
Reason: to fix a typo
Personally, I don't see why you wouldn't be happy about finding a thread where you actually feel comfortable talking about this.
Oh, you see, I merely meant like..
Well the reason I'm here, is because I too have Dermatillomania.
And though I'm very happy that there is a thread that I can be open in,
I feel guilty for having a reason to look for support in this thread.
That is, I feel guilty having Dermatillomania.
I'm glad this thread exists, but the fact I have a reason to be here..
Is kinda the part that makes it.. not so happy ^-^'
Yea.. That may not make sense..
I don't mean it in any sort of offensive way..
I just.. don't like admitting my faults,
So being on this forum all together, is kinda hard for me. ^-^'
I think I gave you the wrong impression. Shall I try again? :/ I didn't intend what I said to come across as harsh or confrontational. I understand what you're trying to say, because guilt is a big factor for me as well--as I think it is for many people who struggle with this. It's a good thing to have other people to talk to about it who understand, even though it isn't always easy to open up about it. That's all I meant to say. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
I think I gave you the wrong impression. Shall I try again? :/ I didn't intend what I said to come across as harsh or confrontational. I understand what you're trying to say, because guilt is a big factor for me as well--as I think it is for many people who struggle with this. It's a good thing to have other people to talk to about it who understand, even though it isn't always easy to open up about it. That's all I meant to say. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
No, it's okie ^-^
You weren't harsh at all,
I thought maybe I had accidentally been offending,
So I felt like I should clarify how I felt,
So no worries ^-^
How are you, btw? ^-^
Not sure if any of you actually, remember me... but I did speak to Kate a few weeks ago. I hope you're all doing well. I've read through a couple of the posts to try and catch up, but there were so many my head switched off in the end.
The main news from me is that I'm now at university and I'm dealing with various professionals to try and sort my life out. The main focus of this is on my depression, but I'm going to give another attack to dermatillomania whilst I'm at it.
I was talking to my mental health advisor today, and she pulled a bit of a face and asked if it hurt. Thing is, for me, it doesn't and I don't ever remember it doing so. Does it for you? (sorry if this isn't allowed, I need to catch up on change in rules).
It doesn't hurt me, no. Picking never has actually, unlike cutting (hope this doesn't breach any rules??) We best be careful because it can come across as tip-sharing, etc.
It's really great that you're going to try and tackle your picking again. I wish I could. I just can't seem to stop because I do it unconsciously =/
On that note, maybe picking helps us focus... It sounds a bit like it from what you said about The Apprentice. And I do the same when reading or watching something, otherwise I get distracted SO easily. 
