Triggering (Abuse) - feeling trapped and no way out
It keeps happening.
My other self will jump in and then make people laugh at me.
It happened again in the shop - a corner shop type place, this morning. The aisles are narrow, and a friend of one of the assistants there, a man, started walking down the aisle I was coming down. I turned and ran back and came down the other aisle. I couldn't bear to feel so ... trapped and cornered.
And they laughed at me.
I felt so... humiliated.
I won't be going in there for a while now.
I know he wasn't going to hurt me.
And I've never been sexually abused, only terrorised by my father, and persecuted by my peers, so there's no rational direct reason why I'd behave.. like that. Except that feeling of being trapped and no escape.
Does anyone else have experiences like this?
What do you do?
How do you cope?
I've felt like that at school if i'm walking down a corridor. I just have to keep reminding myself i can get out two ways and that the people there can't hurt me. I think it is having a person so close to you without wanting them there.
Take Deep breaths and keep reminding yourself you are safe.
I know he wasn't going to hurt me.
And I've never been sexually abused, only terrorised by my father, and persecuted by my peers, so there's no rational direct reason why I'd behave.. like that. Except that feeling of being trapped and no escape.
That sounds like more than enough reason to feel scared to me... No one likes to feel cornered - it brings up what's called 'fight or flight' response. Some people get aggressive when cornered, others run away. It's not even a conscious choice most of the time, so don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure the people at the store will forget about it in a week or so...
I hate feeling trapped too, and normally i get out of the situation if i can. If not, I do what Pixie said, and take deep slow breaths and remind myself i am safe. I can't even wait in the hall at my counsellor's office because there's only one door at the other end and i feel trapped... so i have to wait outside. This 'cornered' feeling is something i still struggle with so i can't really tell you how to cope with it, but know you aren't alone!
Thanks. Your support and validation means a lot. I'm going through a lot of... minimisation of what I've been through.. as a defence, I guess.
The .. running away [sometimes I get aggressive, too, and running away is kind of aggressive too, when you're not under attack any more...] is very much a reflex action - my fight-flight jumps in before I can even think rationally sometimes.
I am getting better though, because that kind of thing would happen at work - and meant a short term Occupational Health referral, mainly because they didn't know how to handle me. Now I can remain steady at work, at least... It's just. Ha. Just. In public that things can get out of hand.
I'm thinking it stems from when the other girls [there were very few in my year who didn't bully me...] pursued and chased me all the time, ridiculing and humiliating me and laughing at me, and calling me names and tormenting me. At lunchtimes, at playtimes, on the way home from school. And in some lessons. Sometimes I would run away. Sometimes I would hide in the toilets. Often they would find me.
*hugs*
Your definately not the only one. Our kitchen is, long and narrow, even though I love my housemates to death I get paranoid and can't cope with them walking past me. I'm the same in shops. Mine stems from how my Dad used to back me into a corner (literally) during arguments. Also the bed I was abused in lies against the wall. Now if I have a boyfriend staying over, I have to have the side not against the wall so I know I can escape.
I'm sorry your struggling to cope with this. Being out in public can be a scary and unpredictable place, at least in work you sort of know what to expect. I'm unsure on coping strategies tbh, I usually take a deep breath, try and rationalise that it isn't really a scary situation, but that doesn't always work.
im the same. if theres a wall and a guy walking past i have to walk on the other side of him, opposite the wall, so im not cornered. and tonight a friend of mine tried just a little too hard to get me to go hide around the side of the biulding with him. i knew i was safe with him and he was trying to stop the people walking past seeing me crying but i couldnt do it
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
