I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to give right now, but I just want to tell you that we're all here for you. You're extremely tough for having gone through so much. Don't be scared. Is there anybody you can talk to, apart from family, who you trust enough that they won't tell the abuser? I know that you're scared he'll get to know, but in order for things to get better, you need to inform someone you trust- someone who might be able to make a change. Is there anyone like that you think you can talk to? If you don't want to tell them about your abuser, then maybe just to talk to them, just to feel better and comforted?
Hang in there- you're not disgusting. It's the abuser who's disgusting, you're beautiful. PM me if you ever need to talk, and know that I'm thinking of you. *hugs* Stay safe x