Personal Piece - Safe - Relapse
Hey everyone, welcome to another one of my weird writing posts. This one's a little more structured & poem-like, so I hope you like it. Also, I not sure if this piece is safe or upsetting, or inbetween, but I labeled it as "safe" to be on the safe side. Lol. Anyways, enjoy, & feel free to share opinions
*inspired by my emotions toward my recent self-harm relapse after 235 days clean*
Relapse....what a word.
It can evoke fear into the strongest people,
Threaten a breakage in one's fragile heart,
Or cause chaos among concerned loved ones.
Relapse....what a shitty experience.
I don't want to go through the same bullcrap.
Why the hell did I even pick up the damn blade?!
My clean record was going so well!!
Relapse....such a huge disappointment.
You let your friends down with this craziness.
They love you so much and want the best for you,
But feel devastated when they see fresh, red lines.
Relapse....such a stressful event.
At times, you can't believe it actually happened.
Staring down at your previously smooth arm
That, at most, looks like a horrific train wreck.
Relapse....another stupid obstacle.
Relapse...why do you even exist??
Why can't recovery be an easy path?
I guess it's all for learning experiences.
We screw up, take huge falls, make embarrassing mistakes
All to learn and grow from these setbacks.
This is supposed to help you become stronger
This is only another bump in the road.
But the only thing relapse has done for
me is fill me with guilt & anger
I am beyond done with the struggling.
I just long to feel happy again.
I long to be overfilled with joy and pleasure,
Not shame, paranoia, or helplessness
For now, I will have to learn to swim or else drown
Riding the waves of relapse like surfers into the golden sunset.
Where the edges of familiarity are unknown,
And one can only hope that they survive until dawn.