RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 24-02-2020, 10:05 PM   #1
bluenose
im not going to let this beat me
 
bluenose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: glenrothes fife
I am currently:
I’m broken

I’m absolutely broken and really do not want to be here anymore. 4 years ago today my wonderful precious wee boy passed away after a very sudden and horrible virus took hold of him. But I could have prevented it. I could and should have taken him to hospital the night before. But I didn’t. And that negligence has haunted me every single day of my miserable stinking pathetic existence since. I’d say life but it hasnt been a life. And it’s exactly what I deserve. I don’t deserve a life I don’t deserve to be happy. I deserve to be the one in the ground and my wee lad alive and living his life to the max.
Last week I had a counselling session and even she said I was broken and being held together with glue and duck tape.
I can’t go on feeling like this for the rest of what little time I have left on this earth. Hopefully the end will be here for me sooner rather than later.

Apologies if this triggers anyone I honestly wish no person on this earth any harm or bad feeling - I wish that entirely on myself and me only

bluenose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-02-2020, 04:31 AM   #2
Auror.
Camden
 
Auror.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA

I'm glad you have a professional you can trust. Can they help you with some plans or tools to work through what is going on in a way that keeps you alive?



Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.


You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


Auror. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-02-2020, 11:07 PM   #3
bluenose
im not going to let this beat me
 
bluenose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: glenrothes fife
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror. View Post
I'm glad you have a professional you can trust. Can they help you with some plans or tools to work through what is going on in a way that keeps you alive?
I have to try and write one positive thing I have in my life in a diary every day, no negativity is allowed,and can’t have the same positive twice. So far I have filled in one page.one. I have nothing else positive in my life. I am a failure. A serial loser. And it’s what I totally deserve to be.
I go back next week, not sure what the outcome of only having one day filled in.

bluenose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-02-2020, 12:06 AM   #4
Auror.
Camden
 
Auror.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA

If positives are too hard, could you try coming up with one neutral thing to write down each day? That would at least show you've made an effort, even if you couldn't accomplish what was asked exactly as written.



Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.


You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


Auror. is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is OFF
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:52 AM.