Need some encouragement

Sherry_xill · 02-12-2020, 03:54 AM

Hi to anyone who may read this...
I am feeling really discouraged and lonely right now. Have had a downward spiral of a day. I struggle with self harm as a coping mechanism to deal with a lot of pain and hurt trapped inside. I've been trying hard to work on recovering and getting myself better, I talk to a therapist and am trying to change my thought processes and use other, safer coping strategies. But sometimes I fail. Even though I honestly think I'm giving it my best effort. I'm so exhausted. So exhausted of trying to pull myself back up and convince myself that I matter. But I don't have much credibility with myself, you know what I mean? I'm having a hard time believing I have value or there's a point to any of this if it's only my own half-hearted hollow voice echoing inside my head. So if anyone has any encouragement to offer, I could really use it. I've never reached out on a forum like this before. Maybe if someone else has mentally been in this place and found a way to truly feel valuable, it would be encouraging to hear how.

Pi.R^2 · 05-12-2020, 12:23 PM

Hello, welcome to RYL.

Sorry you're struggling a lot at the moment. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, as seeking help is what I would have suggested first! seems like you're working hard in therapy and hopefully seeing some benefits?

What does 'having value' mean to you- do you make value judgements on other people or is this mainly just targeted at yourself?

mefkween · 09-12-2020, 03:32 PM

try to think past the now , focus on what you can or want to achieve , and find comfort in yourself , the more you love yourself the less lonely you feel , well at least thats how it is for me , try a guided meditation about self love and acceptance they have them all over youtube :) or try to get to the bottom of your feelings . really dig deep and try to understand WHY you feel this way , dont bottle your emotions up , if you need to scream , scream ! if you need to cry , cry ! ask yourself : why do i feel like this ? remember your feelings are always valid !! lmk if you ever need more advice :)

Sherry_xill · 12-12-2020, 03:09 PM

Thank you both for your words and your advice.

With the having value part, I was targeting myself. Referring to having a role/purpose to my life and, in addition to that, accomplishing it/fulfilling it. Oftentimes it feels like I'm not making much headway, not really accomplishing anything to help others and that's when I struggle most to believe I have value.

Pi.R^2 · 23-12-2020, 01:45 PM

You have value just by existing.

Do you have something in mind in terms of a direction you'd like your life to go in?

Sherry_xill · 04-01-2021, 11:19 PM

I think I do okay in terms of being a contributing member of society. But what I really care about, what I want more than anything is to start a family and be a parent. And I get very discouraged because I can't seem to make any progress towards that goal. Relationships don't last very long, I seem to self-sabotage any that are remotely successful. I suppose I'm afraid that I either don't know how to love or how to accept love. And if I can't manage having a partner, how can I even think about having a family? These thoughts can be both very depressing at times and very distressing at other times.

Pi.R^2 · 05-01-2021, 08:20 PM

Ah, relationships, such a tricky one! There's so much luck involved in finding the right person. Which makes it very annoying but also means it's a really bad thing to use to make value judgements on yourself!

Have you talked to your therapist about the self-sabotage that seems to happen? I guess identifying that it happens is the first step to managing it!