Triggering (SI) - I wish I didn't...

muzzii · 09-03-2010, 10:15 AM

...need this place again. But I do.

I'm really sorry I know I haven't been around on this site a lot recently and I only seem to pop up every now and then when I'm struggling, I rarely ever give sound advice to others but I expect them to give it to me, I always feel really bad about this. I read other peoples posts, I do. I just never know what to say without sounding stupid or hypocritical, but I do care and wish that I could say something to help. Sorry.

Sorry about that, if you made it this far; Right now I'm really struggling to be happy, I'm doubting everything, my existence, my friends, my boyfriend, my emotions. It just feels like everything is fake. I'm cutting again after so long because that pain is real and it makes me feel real even for a moment. I don't know what I'm doing, I was doing so well. I want to be happy, but I don't think I know how.

NeverBetter · 09-03-2010, 10:26 AM

dont worry about it hun im sure everyone understands and im sure many people dont give advice out for long periods of times because they feel the way u do so no need to be sorry *hugs*
im sorry to here that u are struggling at the momment and i know how u feel when u havent been happy for along time u forget how to be hasppy or u think when ur happpy why am i happuy i shouldnt be.
but u should be happy
have u got anyone to talk to professionaly

Katiee · 09-03-2010, 05:38 PM

I do understand where you're coming sweetie.
It doesn't matter that you don't what to say to other people as advice in their posts, you can just give support and hugs - you don't have to give perfect advice.
I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling happy and everything is going downhill for you at the moment. Have you spoken to anyone about these feelings? Prehaps talking through them and what you could do to become happy might help a lot? Maybe you could talk to a friend over coffee and get everything off your chest or even ring a helpline such as childline if you'd perfer? It's totally up to you, sweetie. We're all here for you. Take care. xo

muzzii · 11-03-2010, 01:12 PM

Thank you both for the replies, I don't have anyone professional to talk to anymore, I did have someone in high school but I couldn't really open up to her and she left thinking I was okay so I didn't get referred to anyone else. The only person I've ever really been able to talk to about things is my boyfriend but only really if he brings them up because I don't want to seem silly or needy. I have tried to call childline and samaritans in the past but never had the courage to speak, once I even tried to go to the samaritans walk in center near me I ended up standing at the top of the road it's on for half an hour because I didn't know what to do. I'm useless. Sorry.

Too Shy · 12-03-2010, 04:44 AM

You're not useless, you're just struggling a lot at the moment. Could you try and let your boyfriend know a bit about what's going on? It sounds like he'd be happy to help you if he knew.

Speaking to someone about what's going on can be very very difficult, can't it? I don't know if you know this, but the Samaritans have an e-mail address that you can contact them on too - would you find that easier then physically speaking to them, so that you could think about what you wanted to write? According to their website they will try and get back to you within 12 hours, and it's all confidential. The address is: jo@samarritans.org if you would find that helpful.