I first told my mum about my self-harm about a year a go. I had kept it hidden from her for many years for fear of her becoming more sick with worry (she has her own mental health issues). I was 19 at the time. She seemed to react with silence but she let me just hug her and cry it out which felt so comforting. She pretty much demanded to see the scars on my arms, but she didn't shout at me nor did she judge me. She just sort of silently took it all in.
I would say it was definitely worth telling her, and coming from a person who was super adamant that nobody would ever find out, is a huge thing for me to be saying! I mainly told her because I was so fed up with having to wear long sleeves around her constantly, and I hated the thought of me constantly lying to her. I feel much more relaxed now, and I can talk more freely about my feelings which says a lot about our now slightly strengthened relationship.
Are you thinking of talking to your parents about self-harm?
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
My school told my Mum when I was about 15. It was pretty terrible at the time - I was a teenager and very reluctant to talk to her about any of it. She dragged me to the GP and I started seeing CAMHS, who were little help as I struggled to engage.
As I got older (I am now 26), things improved greatly and I'm able to talk to my Mum much more openly about SH and MH stuff in general. My Mum has been a rock and I don't know what I would do without her. It's not been an easy road to get to this stage, but it's been totally worth it.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I was 16 when my mum noticed my self harm, she asked me about it constantly, and i finally told her about 5 months after she noticed. It was completely worth telling my mum, for a while she tried to figure out my routine before I'd do something, and after a while she learnt when was best to cause a distraction or keep me company. She tried to give me alternatives for what to do, and i found my mum alot more useful than any doctor i had been to. And now nearly a year on after telling her, every now and then she will still check on me and ask if i need a good cry to let anything out.
I also have a friend who told her mum around the same time as me as we agreed to do it together, her mum was the same as mine, but signed them both up for activities to keep her active and healthy to take her mind off things. It may take you some time, but i think it may be worth it xx
My school psychologist told my parents when I was 17, despite promising confidentiality. They didn't react too well at the time, but they were just shocked. They blamed themselves and the atmosphere was really tense for a while. I was seeing a psychiatrist who helped my parents understand a bit better.
My parents rarely talk about it anymore, but they were supportive with meds, diagnosis etc.
It was worth telling them, as I wouldn't have been able to get the treatment for my mental health problems that I got if they didn't know.
I would advise telling someone. It's a weight off your shoulders, it really is. Even if it's difficult at first. I would just say keep the communication between you & the person you tell open. They'll be calmer and more willing to work with you & trust you that way.
Take care.
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
I was forced to tell my parents originally and they were supportive and told me to talk to them. I just told them it was a done thing and now two years later they have no idea that I'm cutting again because its my buisness not theres
Nate .... that's me.... yeah..... I like Cosplay .... Anime .... Manga .... My Little Pony ..... Music ..... stuff like that really ......
My parents were told by my school when I was 16/17. They were not impressed and did not react well. There's no real need for me to go further into it but I don't talk to them and I chose not to do so. I think I was, pretty much, more unimpressed with the situation than they were, I just decided to cope with it by self-harming more, something school clearly didn't think about. However, once it was out in the open, it meant I could tell my teachers anything because they'd already done the whole 'breaking confidentiality' thing.
OP, what are your thoughts? I think that it's all very well to ask other people's experiences but they will not be your own and you cannot make a decision according to someone else because everybody is different and won't react the same way. To really know how someone will react, you have to tell them. Sometimes people will react badly, sometimes they won't, it's about finding the right person. Choose who you tell carefully and if someone ends up upsetting you unnecessarily, find someone else.
The school's SENCO Mr Harrison rang up my parents and also sent a letter to my parents saying that I disclosed to one of the inclusion manager Mrs Buckman that I self harm. This was last September(start of year 11).
Now I go with my parents to CAMHS , on anti depressants and also the school gets a report from CAMHS about how to help me in school regarding the self harm.
Love from Meera xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
I told my mum when I was twelve. She reacted with confusion and a little bit of anger. Or, not really anger, but she made me promise I would never do it again, threatening to send me to a psychologist if I continued. This scared be into stopping for a while, but it ended up not lasting. This was nearly six years ago, and she thinks I quit shorty after that. I regret not telling her that I continued, and I plan on telling her again. She knows that I struggle, and has been very supportive even though she struggled with it at first. Her anger was out of concern. I think telling someone is a good idea, but it's important to make sure you tell someone who has the ability to help you.
your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
keep on loving, keep on fighting
and hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life
I regret not telling her that I continued, and I plan on telling her again. She knows that I struggle, and has been very supportive even though she struggled with it at first. Her anger was out of concern. I think telling someone is a good idea, but it's important to make sure you tell someone who has the ability to help you.
My mum found out because I'd had my worst case of self harm the night before, and had called my best friend to take me to the hospital. I came home covered in butterfly stitches and bandages, and the conversation was unavoidable.
She was devastated - and I'll never forget the look on her face.
But it was 100% worth it - her finding out. The look on her face in that moment always acted as a reminder that I wasn't just hurting myself, I was hurting others. And you know what? That was the last time I did it.
And tomorrow.. I will be 5 years SH free!!!! :D xxx
"I promise that I shall never give up,
and that I'll die yelling and laughing"
- Jack Kerouac
My mom found out last year when I was getting my prom dress altered and she saw the raised scar on my arm and started to cry. I'll never forget that. My dad just said "Are you serious?" I was 16. We've only talked about it one time since it happened.
Personally, I don't feel like it was worth it. I was never put into therapy or anything and I still have issues I need taking care of.
Every situation is different, though, and everyone reacts differently. I think you should tell your parents, definitely. As Patch said, it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders. You could also receive help by talking to them about it.
I first told my mum when I was nearly 15. She was quiet at first and then told me that she'd suspected it for a while but wanted to let me come to her. She is an amazing woman, really, for handling it the way she did. She was very supportive, all things considered, and I stopped for a little while. I started again though, and she didn't know again until I was about 17 when my self harm was a lot worse and she noticed some blood on my clothes that I'd missed and confronted me about it. Again, though, she was supportive. She didn't force me to show her or anything. I love her for that. She told my dad for me and he didn't say anything except that if I felt comfortable I could wear short sleeves around him. I have really great parents, and my brothers both know now too, although we've never discussed it. I'm 8 months free now, though I still struggle sometimes.
If you spoke to other people the way you speak to yourself, how many friends would you have?
My parents first found out when I was 14, I was taken home by the Police after being picked up from a local River Bridge when I was feeling suicidal, the Police decided to subject me to an examination by a police doctor who discovered my cuts, the Police told my parents so I had no option, although I had been harming since I was 11.
I wish they never got to find out, their reaction was to scream & shout at me, shake me vigorously, slap me & send me to my room, ground me for a month & subject me to room searches about 4 times a day, where they'd confiscate my blades if they found any.
They didn't understand then, and still don't understand now, the best thing I done was move out, they know now their actions are not going to stop me, taking away my blades made me cut using any object I could find (I got infections & had to have tetanus injections).
When I go to visit now, I keep blades in their house & they don't touch them or move them, so guess they have learnt that taking them wasn't going to help me.
As much as they hate it they don't try to stop me anymore but I hate seeing how upset they get about it so wish they never found out, they still get angry with me, but since I moved out aged 15, I'm now 25, 26 on March 15th I guess our relationship has improved.
I guess it depends on your parents understanding, and individual experiences, everybody is different.
I told my parents last year, I was 19. My dad didn't have anything to say , and my mom said "oh I thought you wore long pants all the time cause you have fat legs not because you cut yourself" for me it definitely wasn't worth it.
"Scars remind us of where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we’re going" - Criminal Minds
My mum was called into the school after my p.e teacher saw the cuts.
Managed to keep it quiet for a long time, but the teacher decided that because it was getting worse, my mum had to be told so I could see a psych rather than just the school counsellor.
My mum cried, and then wouldn't leave me alone at home. Sat next to the bath, slept in the same bed etc
I was 13.
Admitted to first psych unit at 14.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I told my Mum at 12 through an email while I was away from home.
She was extremely worried and upset and took me straight to the GP where I got referred to CAMHS. She was quite (understandably) paranoid for a while after, refusing to leave me alone and checking daily for any signs of self harm. I think she overreacted as they could barely be called any more than scratches, but I know she was only caring about me and on the flip side it scared me in to stopping!
All in all I'm glad I told her because if I hadn't I would not have professional help right now and I would probably be in a much worse place. Her reactions scared me because I was suffering with undiagnosed social phobia at the time, but I know they were out of love and care and she couldn't help being so worried.
OP, you know your parents better than we do so it's up to you to decide whether telling them directly is the best option. I really do think it's important that you tell someone though, whether it be your parents or a school counsellor or a teacher. Try to remember that no matter what their reaction, it is only temporary and hopefully you will be able to get the support you need <3
Last edited by Eccentrics : 25-02-2013 at 12:24 PM.
My dad found out when I was 13. It was. Forced by the schools. I didn't like it at that time I thought it was horrible but I now see it got me help that I needed. It's hard sometimes but I think it's always for the best. Parents tend to come to an understanding and they just don't want to see us hurt. I think it's easier probably if you can do it on our own terms though sometimes it's better that somebody finds out so help can be gotten. My experience wasn't great but it wasn't bad either and in the long run the outcome was positive. My dad has been nothing but supportive of me and trying to help me in my recovery. He's been a big part of my life and my support.
Is there some meaning to this life?What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence do we come, where are we bound? These cold questions echo and resound through each day, each lonely night.
We long to find the splendid light that will cast a revelatory beam
upon the meaning of the human dream.
If you ever need anything I am only a message away
