so i have pain carved into my arm along with just cuts in random directions.
and my mother and father have both seen it at different times but so far haven't approached me about it.
i'm worried that they are going to think i'm crazy.
i don't know what to do and honestly im stressing out about it.
:/ Help? Advice? Support?
I dont want to cut... but i can't fight it.
I hold the rose that often bled my hand,Never learning, listening, letting go.I held it through anguish, passion, demand,Crying crimson tears on fabric below. How long before I crush its frail petals?
I know you are probably going to think I'm crazy saying this (!) but maybe it's a good thing your parents have seen... I am sure they don't think you are crazy, they are probably worried and concerned and not really sure what to say or how to approach it because they don't want to upset you. Maybe you could write them a letter, or just your mum or just your dad if you get on with one of them better, and tell them that you know they have seen and tell them how you are feeling at the moment, the reasons behind you wanting to do that, and asking for their support.
You never know, they may end up being really supportive and helpful, and once they know they're not going to upset you by mentioning it they may feel more confident to talk to you about it.
When my mum and dad found out about my SH, I literally thought it would be the end of everything. My dad didn't deal with it so well, but my mum was really good. She tried to be as supportive as she could, even though she didn't really understand it.
I'd give it a go - if they've already seen, then what's the worst that could happen?
To be completely honest, the best thing to do would be to talk to your parents and ask for help, but I am fully aware of how frightening the idea of this is.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself,
When I was 16, my mum saw cuts on my arm and asked me what they were. I told her they were cat scratches from my boyfriends cat. Her response was, they are not cat scratches and then silence. We never talked about it again until I was 20 and she told me she knew I wasn't happy but never found the right time to talk to me because she didn't want to upset me when she felt I was having a "good day". This conversation was prompted because my mum had received an email talking about my more recent struggles with self harm. Since that conversation 6 years ago I have never talked to my parents about self harm and feel like it's too late to do so. I'm now married and have a 4 year old son and although I have not cut in a little over a year I still struggle with SH everyday.
What's the point of telling you this??
Ever since the first time my mum brought it up I have wanted nothing more than to be able to talk to my parents openly about my struggle, but everyday it seems harder to do because I have been silent about it for so long. If I had spoken up when I was first confronted I would have gotten help and would not still be struggling quite so hard with it today. I have a tattoo that I have designed that I really want to get to represent my battle with SH but I am too scared to get it because my family will ask what it's about and it's a conversation I'm still not ready for.
So I know I have rambled on a bit, but basically my point is, the longer you hide and avoid talking about your struggles to your parents, the harder it gets to have that difficult conversation. I'm sure your parents love you and will support you through any battles that you need to face and it will be a huge relief to be open about it. Every person I have told, I feel like a little bit of a weight has been lifted off me because it is one less person I have to hide things from.
I'm going to finish off by saying I am so sorry that you feel the need to cut, I know how hard and exhausting it is fighting with yourself all the time.
I wish you luck and courage to open up about how you are feeling and hope that you are able to talk to your parents openly so you are able to get help.
Sorry for the long response...Hope you get something out of it :)
You should talk to them, before anything else :) let me them know how much it hurts, and how hard your fighting. Their your parents, they only want whats best for you :)
I am not an expert here but I do want to give you a different perspective, one from a parent's point of view. With that said, I have a child that cuts so I know a little bit about this. Whether your parents come to you or not, or if you choose to talk to them about it, know this...everything that you say or do from that point forward is very important. Do your best to not hide the truth from them, they love you and will more than likely stress over your cutting, but they will listen.
When I asked my daughter about her cuts, she told me the same thing that Tan told her parents. I confronted her (gently) about it a few more times, and she told me it was because it was "emo" When we sat down and talked about it the last time, she came out and told me the real reasons. I was terrified that my little girl would go too far, that I would lose her, but I was more upset that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth from the beginning.
I worried about her, still do, but I don’t hound her about it. I reached out to her school counselor and let her know what was going on, and then I made an appointment for her to go see a counselor outside of school. She and I may not have the best communication, but we have the best relationship because she knows that I am there for her, that I will not judge her for what she has done. She has gone 2 weeks without cutting, and although I know she is not over this, that is a huge accomplishment for her. If your parents love you like I love my child, they will not think you are crazy, they will worry about you and try to get you help. Be open and honest with them, even if it means they cry. Don’t be afraid to tell them what is on your mind.
I know that this may not have been very helpful, but I hope I was able to give you some encouragement. They will eventually understand, and they will love you even more because you are going through some tough things if you are cutting. You are not alone here, there are plenty of people that are here for you, and willing to listen..including me. Don't be discouraged :)
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Hi Brittany,
My names Brittanie also. And my experience with this wasn't all that great. My parents saw my cuts about a year ago.. My mom flipped and threatened hospitals and such, and said I was crazy. I don't meant o scare you with my bad experience but to encourage you. Even though the beginning was rough I hot a therapist and I haven't cut in almost a year. I used to turn to cutting for everything and I got so depressed. But my therapist helped me. Everyone's different so if you don't do we'll with talking about your issues and getting it out try using something else like running when you're upset. It helps me a lot. Anyways if you'd like to talk you're welcome to pm me anytime, I hope you feel better and that everything works out for you.
Xx britt.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Though my experience is slightly different -- I was at college, so my mom wasn't the one I was concerned would see -- I went through a similar struggle when I decided to come clean with my sports team.
At that point, I had a friend on the team who knew about my arm, but fortunately didn't judge me. In that regard, I was really lucky. While it was certainly possible for me to keep everything covered, it was a lot of effort and meant that I couldn't participate in some activities and had to act really self-conscious most of the time. After a while, I decided not to be embarrassed and to wear whatever was comfortable, without taking my scars into consideration. I learned a bunch from that, but I'll stick to what's relevant ;)
When you get to the point where you're ready to try and put it all behind you, it can be really useful to have people around you who know and to be comfortable NOT concealing what used to be. If you can never let them see, then you will have to stick to some aspects of your current, secretive life even when you're trying to move on. For me, part of what helped was having a group around me (my team) who just...got used to seeing it and didn't think twice about it. That way I could move on and not have to hide the past or continue to conceal myself. Any new people who noticed felt no need to comment, simply because it was obvious that everyone else could see it and didn't think it was troublesome.
This helped me whenever I considered relapsing, because it meant that I had something to lose again by slipping back...I would have to start worrying, concealing, etc. again, and I didn't want to do that. It also reminded me that I had friends around me despite the past, and that there was nothing hidden that might alienate them if they found out.
For now, do whatever best helps you recover, stay happy, and move forward. If it's too difficult to have that conversation right now, don't initiate it. If you think you can manage it, better to discuss it than to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out if you parents saw it and what their responses mean. But I hope that you get the chance, soon, to consciously choose to wear whatever feels right and not worry about the response. It's the best way I've found to make the past feel like the past.
