Triggering (SI) - Ex Boyfriend... Triggering maybe

Samz · 31-08-2007, 12:02 AM

I was just speaking to my ex... we stayed friends, mostly so he could keep an eye on me I think and he told me that today he cut himself after an arguement with his dad.
I am so so worried for him, I care about him and I don't want to see him take this road. I've done all the things I've always found a comfort and told him that I'm always here... he wanted to hear the bad side of cutting from me again so I told him everything I could think of but I don't think it's worked, it never worked for me so why should it be different for him? He won't talk about what made him do it, he won't talk to me about it much at all cos he says he's scared of triggering me. But I just don't know what to think.

I know self harm isn't contagious, he can't have "caught" it but what if I planeted the idea in his head? What if, if he'd never met me at all, if I'd never told him about my self harm... it'd have never crossed his mind. I've always worryed about triggering people who know and this has nothing but confirm that I should have worryed.
I don't know what to do. I'm so upset that someone I care about could want to do this, which is stupid because thats obviously how my friends feel and stuff but especially after he's watched me destroy myself. How can I tell him this isn't the only way, and not be a total hypocrite? Because really, that's all I am. To tell him this doesnt solve anything when I can't stop myself? I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to him... I'm so confused, and upset, and guilty. Argh. =[

behindblueyes · 31-08-2007, 03:14 AM

Well first of all... even if you did happen to give him the idea of cutting him, HE was the one to make the decision to do it... so dont put that responsibility on yourself.. it is not your fault. Second, he is lucky to have you because of the experience that you have. Yo know the ups and downs of cutting. I dont think that you giving him advice or telling him what to do wuld be hypocritical... because if you had the choice you would not be doing this either... and you dont want him to go through what you went through or are going through... so i see it as you protecting him more then anything.

Just remember to listen when he wants to talk, and talk when he wants to listen. That will make you a good friend, like you are already.

Take care hunny
x Kate

Ami · 31-08-2007, 05:27 PM

Aw hun, he did CHOOSE to cut.. its not your fault.

Could you had a sit down with him and have a serious chat abouthow he really doesnt want to go down this horrible road? Its not hypocritical hun, i wish someone had done that with me when i firsted cutting and maybe i wouldnt be in this much crap over cutting now. Even if he sees you as hypocritical, im sure he will be greatful for you telling him, even if he doesnt see it now.

take care xxx