but it feels like it is...cause if I hadn't come along, he probably wouldn't have been as abusive....or that's how I feel....
Here's my story....
Well...growing up I was abused by my brother. Physical and emotional, never sexual. I don't remember it much, because it happened when I was so young, ya know? I've heard the stories though, like how I got the scar on my lip, or the scar on my left hand. I don't remember it happening of course, but I've heard bout it. But I can recall one time....the same thing happened a couple times, but I remember one. See, at school or in public he would never act out, he kept his anger for home. He's smart, he knew what he was doing. One day, before I was even in school, cause he's 6 years older than I am, he got home from school. He must have had a really bad day, because she started attacking me. I went into my parents room because it was the only room with a locking door. Well, so we thought. The lock failed. He got in the room. I was five, there was no way I could fight him off. He cornered me on the bed and started hitting me. I managed to get on my stomach, so he was mainly hitting my back. God that sound was awful. I can still here it today. That is the worst sound in the world, hearing....that sound...the sound of someone's fist hitting your own bones...the worst sound ever....just this hollow thud. My parents did get him off of me, thankfully....
It sucked growing up not sure if you would see the light of day again. I couldn't sleep in my room by myself forever...probably until I was 7 or 8, I just couldn't do it. I would wake up in the middle of the night freaking out, because I was alone...He finally went into foster care, most of my later childhood, he wasn't around, I didn't care, I was just happy I was goin to live, ya know....
he hasn't touched me since, but I still don't feel safe around him....
Confused, Terrified and don't know what to do or to expect
Waiting for that moment in which my life changes forever, and I'm finally happy and don't have dangerous thoughts. . .Sadly, I think that moments a long ways away from Now
hey hun...not sure what i'm supposed to say but wanted to reply anyway..
that is not a good start to your life..being in fear all the time..i'm not sure why your brother felt the need to hurt you the way he did and take out his anger on you..it could have been him resenting having to share your parents love..but in the end who knows..and there is no excuse for what he did, he was old enough to know better.
do you mind me asking..did he go into foster care because he was violent towards you?
and it's normal for you to not feel safe around him..he made sure that you could never trust him again..
sorry i didnt have anything better to say..but hun none of it was your fault, you did nothing wrong, your brother had his own issues..it wasnt you ok
pls take care
big hugs xoxoxox
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
Your brother was probably acting out toward you what someone was doing to him. In that case it couldn't be your fault. You can feel like its your fault if you hate him because hate makes guilt and you can misinterpret the guilt to assume responsibility thats not really yours. Kids whose parents are getting divorced often feel its their fault. The reason being that hate what's happening and their rents - and then themselves.
How did Mom get along with Dad? Its not uncommon for a mother who is angry at her husband to transfer that to a boy child - who in turn vents on sisters - or the family pet. When you say he would save his violence for home - he was weak before the strong and strong before the weak. Somone made him like that.
well, it wasn't my parents, and all the doctors and stuff told my parents it was them, but it wasn't, because my parents were never violent towards each other. Part of the problem was, he's mentally handicapped, and he seriously has anger problems, he can't control his anger. I did take attention away from him, because for the first six years of his life, my mom was always there...then I came along....
I know it wasn't my fault, I really do...I never once thought it was my fault growing up...but now that I can look back on the situation, I do feel it was my fault, even though I know it isn't, ya know. *sigh* it's just all confusing...
Confused, Terrified and don't know what to do or to expect
Waiting for that moment in which my life changes forever, and I'm finally happy and don't have dangerous thoughts. . .Sadly, I think that moments a long ways away from Now
