I'm so sorry to post but I'm a bit of a mess. Tomorrow I start my second attempt at trauma work the first lot I had was terrible and only traumatised me further! I feel so fat and physically invaded . The images won't stop already. I'm struggling to function and I can't string my thoughts together as they are so full images and flashbacks . I'm scared I won't cope and don't deserve support . Sorry I'm making no sense.
Last edited by Uglyducklin : 02-02-2016 at 01:32 PM.
Hi jessie lovely, I'm sorry you are struggling so much and finding this so difficult *gentle cuddles*
For now, as ducky suggested, can you try grounding techniques? I find concentrating on the room I'm currently in really helpful, saying to myself out loud what I can see. These are specific things that were not in the place where abuse was happening. It also helps to tell myself where I am, how old I am, and that I'm safe, to help bring me back to the present. Also naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste is helpful. I also find sensory stuff really helpful, like a soft blanket, a teddy, bubble wrap etc Sorry if those suggestions were overwhelming.
You absolutely 100% deserve support lovely, you deserve to get through this. Have you spoken to the therapist about how you will cope during and after the sessions? Trauma work shouldn't be started unless you have been given proper skills to work through it, if you feel you haven't been given enough, can you speak to them about coping?
It's going to be really hard, but you're strong and you can get through this. I really hope it goes well <3 sorry if this reply is a bit muddles but good luck.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Thanks. I have been trying to use grounding techniques like ones you suggested but last night they didn't work. It was a bit scary because I couldn't seem to think straight or concentrate on anything for long to ground myself. I need to stop using destructive behaviours but I've felt so worthless it has been hard not to do those. I know I need to keep trying but I feel awful they didn't work. I so appreciate your support guys thank you .
First session is over what a horror show! I'm trying to ground myself with coffee but feel disgusting for violating myself. I don't want to be in my body I am so tired of trying. I always make it through but I wish I could say how much it hurt? Sorry I'm so fat and pathetic.
Experiences of IRRT Imagery Re-experiencing and Re-scripting therapy experiences
I'm sorry to post again. I had my first IRRT session today . It felt awful but now I feel dead. I'm scared the therapy won't work it will end and I will be left unable to cope. Sorry I'm so fat and pathetic.
It sounds like you're in a really scary place at the moment. But you're coping; you're doing really well even though you had a difficult session. You can do this.
Feel so disgusting I attended a conference and I was really triggered. I dissociated and froze! I lost some time. I'm really struggling to cope in my body. I feel so dehumanised.
I'm so exhausted from acting normal. I hate the fat on my body. Everything is going round in my head but I can't tell people. I need to beg for forgiveness. I'm scared to bother people. I can function but I'm crumbling and nobody can see it :(
I am fat dirty and disgusting. Everything is loud. I keep seeing child me I want to hurt her and me. I hate her and me. I am and she is all the bad words he called me.
I'm sorry to post again I have my third session of trauma therapy tomorrow. I'm dreading it. I am sitting on so much emotion. There is no use in my head and violence. I keep seeing child me and wanting to hurt her and me. My body is disgusting and fatbut it won't go. I'm scared to mention. What is happening.
I am sorry to keep posting but I'm really struggling their is so much violence in my head and I need to escape the Fat in my body I feel so unsafe. I keep seeing child me and I want to hurt her and want to hurt me too. I'm also in a lot of pain but too ashamed to mention it but it hurts and I don't know what to do. Everything feels weird.
I'm so sorry to keep posting. I feel so unsafe in my fat body. I feel I'm losing my mind. I keep seeing kid me and I want to hurt her and me ? I'm frightened and confused. I don't know how to make myself safe.
I'm sorry you're feeling so distressed at the moment.
Is there anything that would help you to shift the focus a bit, anything that usually distracts you or helps you feel a little better?
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I'm sorry to post again I can't stop crying. I saw my eating disorders nurse today and I've been trying to explain how desperate and overwhelmed I feel in the fat of my body and with the memories. I feel like a broken record and she is frustrated. I know it's pathetic but I'm so desperate to not be alone with it anymore. The images are relentless and I feel a desperate need to destroy myself and scrub myself clean . I'm sorry I don't know what to do .
Did your ed nurse give you any strategies for dealing with this?
Could you self soothe or meditate to relieve the distress?
What healthy coping strategies have helped in the past when you have felt this way?
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
