Ok. I know that scars are a permanent thing. We're stuck with them forever.
But on Saturday at work, it really hit me...scars are there forever. I always knew that, but now I know, if that makes sense. I was watching the make up aisle and a woman with a buggy and kid was wondering up in short sleeves. Her arms were covered in hundreds of white scars...and I suddenly realized. That's me in 10 years.
They're never going away. Ever. That pretty much terrified me. She wasn't the only one I saw that day either, about 4/5 older women, a couple of times with kids, in short sleeves came in with clearly self inflicted scars. It was like a huge load of bricks being dropped on my head, screaming that this is it.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I did want replies. Saying what, I have no idea - maybe other people as scared by this clear revelation? As I said, I always knew they were there permanently, but this was like...driving it straight home.
I know exactly what you mean.
It is a scary thought. Having to hide scars from kids etc.
I try not to think about it. (denial is always best!)
Take care and stay safe,
Tabby x
The world is an interesting place when everyone you know has their own realities
hun, not all scars will be forever. i have no idea how deep you go but if you work hard on healing them while they are relatively new it's more likely you will be able to fade them. my ones from 2 yrs ago are barely noticable now.
it can be scary to know that some of them arent ever going away. but a lot will happen to you in a decade, and you may come to accept them as those women have, and to move on into a new life without those reminders of the past holding them back.
I know they'll fade and stuff, it was just really scary.
I've deformed the shape of my arm slightly, so I imagine it'll be pretty obvious even when they have faded and I have REALLY freckly arms, which could work for or against me.
I think I have been in denial...then I saw and thought...crap! Lol.
I know what you mean. But thankfully most of my scars are small and white and most people don't notice them. They're from 2 years ago so hopefully in 10 years they won't be there.
But like StillVacant said it depends how deep you go. Obviously the deep ones will be more noticeable as more tissue needs repairing. Or something like that.
My arm from a distance looks like a nasty burn I always thought I wouldnt care but when I went dress shopping I knew I was different Ive had to have a jactket thing made and that makes me feeel even worse. If you can somehow stop I really would *hugs all*
Maybe as you work through the emotional scars, the physical will have less impact. Remember that your scars tell a story, a story of someone who has been through emotional pain and struggles, and has survived. Yes, you have scars, but you are still you, the unique person you are, that shines through.
I think about that sometimes too.
There's nothing I can do about it now though, so I don't tend to think about it too much.
If my scars were all white,I don't think I'd give it a second thought,it's the ones that are red/purple and a couple of years old that do my head in.
"Remember that your scars tell a story, a story of someone who has been through emotional pain and struggles, and has survived."
I know you mean that in a positive way and all that,but I don't want a "story" all over my body. I hate what I did to myself,regardless of the reasons I did it.
"Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
A while back there was a fascinating post on v2 about what your scar's say to you.
If I have time tonight/remeber I will see if I can find it for you.
Your scar's are a part of you now and maybe they can give you the impetus to change - okay that's far to simplistic but look at it like this next time you want to hurt yourself look at this post and think hang on do I want this to still be there in 10/20 etc years. Go from there and look after yourself.
xoxox
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
Some days I really, REALLY hate my scars, other days I like them, but a lot of the time I just wish I'd never started. In some ways it is a bit of a put off, on others it's a bit - well, it's quite badly scarred, but people will think I'm pathetic for doing so little, so I'll make it worse? Yeah. I dunno.
Hmm. I really can't say anything useful, but I get what you mean, and it's horrible. For the most part, I've accepted my scars, they're there, they're not as bad as they could be, end of. But this week, because of the people I was around, I felt the need to hide them for the first time in over a year and it just kind of hit me that there's always going to be situations like that, it's always going to be there, it's never going to just go away, and there will always be people asking questions and judging me because of something I did for a few years as a teenager. It really makes me sad, and it is scary.
There's probably nothing that can change that, but I think it gets easier. They won't always matter as much as they do now, and you can learn to accept them. That doesn't really help much, but I hope you do get to a point where it doesn't bother you too much. And no one would think you're pathetic for not doing 'enough' or anything like that.
I know you feel, Amy. Most of the time I can just accept that I have these scars forever, they may fade, but they'll still be there. But every now and then - I get so paranoid e.g. when I've got PE & I'm wearing shorts, I convince myself that everyone's looking, even though the scars on my legs are barely noticable. And to think that there's always going to be those moments, even in a few years time when [hopefully!] I'll be a couple of years SI free, I'll still feel like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I agree with what Hanna said - it's like people will ask questions for the rest of your life about when you were a teenager and made a few mistakes.
"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”
Hey sweetie I know how you feel the scars on my arm are almost all completely gone only I can see them. But I once cut my two fingers really, really deep and I missing a part of my finger but... no says anything or notices it. Only I do. The reason you are going to see them more is because its your body and you know what you did to it, but that is okay. Scars are not forever, even if deformed. Some days I do notice my hand, other times I forget it's there. If you need to talk please don't hestiate to pm me.
First things first: holy cow i managed to use the multi-quote thing!
But anyway
Quote:
Originally Posted by whispers
...it's never going to just go away, and there will always be people asking questions and judging me because of something I did for a few years as a teenager. It really makes me sad, and it is scary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paperdreams.
I agree with what Hanna said - it's like people will ask questions for the rest of your life about when you were a teenager and made a few mistakes.
To be honest, there wont necessarily. From experience with work, with other "professionals" and people in general, though they may be thinking something upon seeing scars, i've yet to come across some giving out dirty looks or openly judging because of what they're seeing.
If anything, i've seen people asking where the scars are from - out of curiosity - and once they're told the scars are from self harm, they don't run off for the hills screaming, they just get on with things. Normally they're curious about self harm and want to know more about the condition than anything, rather than wanting to hear you mumble something about when you were a teenager.
The most "direct" approach i've received from someone, in a sense, was when they had to ask about psychiatric history and all they were interested in was whether or not the self harm was still an issue: it wasn't, so they left it that and carried on with what we were doing.
Don't be scared, even if you're not recovered and go out covered in bandages - which i've seen happen plenty of times - most people wont give you a second look. I don't like saying be "proud" of what's happened in the past, but be proud of the fact you've come out of this recovered; even then, if you're not recovered, being a self harmer doens't make you any less of a person and in several cases, i've seen people gain respect as they realise that people are carrying on with their lives just like "normal" people, as well as coping with their self harm.
*Cuddles Shona*
Thanks, it means a lot. I guess it's the feeling of inadequacy that comes with it, feeling like a 'fake'. Hmm, either way, one day, hopefully, I'll have the guts to go out in short sleeves without worrying or thinking too much of it.
*cuddles Amy*
Glad i could be of use =) Don't wait for "one day" girlie, set yourself a goal as it were that this summer you will - even if just for one day in a place where you will never see those people again - wear short sleeves.
Plus - and i mean this in all seriousness - come the summer, short sleeves are far more favourable than having to constantly wear long sleeves and risk heat exhaustion. I had heat exhaustion last summer and it was horrible (though oddly, i was wearing short sleeves, but none the less); think of it from a health perspective: short sleeves are healthier than long ones (when it comes to heat exhaustion, though maybe not sunburn.. yeah, wear lots of suncream).
*Cuddles Shona*
Thanks, it means a lot. I guess it's the feeling of inadequacy that comes with it, feeling like a 'fake'. Hmm, either way, one day, hopefully, I'll have the guts to go out in short sleeves without worrying or thinking too much of it.
*Cuddles you* Shona's post was right on. it is important to know everyone has scars wether they are from an accident or self harm or whatever the reason maybe. I know it's hard to believe sweetie but people won't assume 'oh my goodness she did it to herself' It is also your choice to tell them what really happened to your arm. I know how being 'deformed' isn't fun, but I assure you most people won't even think about that. Strangers may look at you and question; once again that is up to you if you tell them.
Amy please don't hesitate to pm me if you need anything sweetie!
Last edited by TruConfessions : 15-04-2007 at 12:38 AM.
Reason: added color hehe!
I think for most people when they see scars, they dont immediately think that it was self-inflicted. We just think that because we are around it.
Some scars may fade but others will stay and the way I see it is that when the time comes atleast they are just that. Scars, and not fresh or recent cuts.
Location: London . . . the less awesome one in Ontario, Canada
I don't have any visible SI scars (long story), but I do have a pretty significant facial scar from a car accident about fourteen years ago. It left me with nerve damage and although it's faded, you would think that it would be pretty obvious - after all, the first thing people focus on when they meet your face.
But it's not. I have told the story about the accident, and had people not even realise that I have this scar. They are actually surprised when they finally see it and can't believe they've missed it. (I'd post a picture, but I'm not sure how, lol.)
My point is, yes, scars are for life. They're a part of life. SI or not, everyone has scars somewhere; it's a hazard of inhabiting this particular type of body. But people care about things like this a lot less than we might think, and they are also a lot less observant and a lot more accepting than we might think. So don't sweat it too much. The only person you have to worry about is you and how it feels to inhabit your particular skin and how you feel about your scars.
That was a lot less eloquent and supportive than I'd hoped it'd be, but I hope you get the gist of what I was trying to say. <3
Scars, I love and hate mine. Today at work I was moved off tills and paired up with another girl. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt but you can see the scars on one of my hands, when she saw she sounded shocked and asked what happened. I was kinda caught on the spot, someone I didn't really know well yet etc, I just said it was from a while ago and was nothing. It hurts to know I have all these scars, I am only really comfy showing them with scouts but still they ask and it is also difficult. I don't know how much more they will fade. But sometimes it hurts when you think they will prob always be there, you will have to answer questions for most my life. Scars I guess we will have to live with, maybe work on reducing them, but most will be there in the future, just learning to deal with them and how to deal with questions is the hard part.
Sorry thats not much help but it is how I am thinking just now...sorry
