My heads a mess, I'm a mess

[Dancingflame]

So, I don't post here very much but really i just need to try and understand everything that's going on.

I feel like I'm doing a million things but actually doing nothing of any note. My head is constantly on the go, as are the voices but yet I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying or what I'm thinking. I rarely have any connection to myself except the few seconds after I sh (which needless to say is getting decidedly regular and out of hand)

The past few months I completely stopped taking all meds, after becoming totally paranoid on an MAOI and whilst I like feeling the emotions I also feel totally out of control. My psychiatrist said that unless I try and change there's nothing he can do, which is a fair point but still didn't help the rejection issue, which is huge at the moment. He doesn’t want to force me into meds as he ultimately believes they won’t actually be beneficial in the long run and I’ve tried pretty much all the ones he would suggest. He recently bailed me out after two section 136 as he is adamant I need to be in the community not detained, but yeah I don’t know.

I am waiting for DBT, but have been for ages, and recently switched cpn so have absolutely no trust in my new one. I've got supportive friends online but have pushed all my local ones away and I feel incredibly alone, vulnerable and unsafe.

Anyone have any bright ideas/simple steps about how I can try and connect to myself without resorting to destructive behaviour, and how I can use my team to help, and not push them away which is what I'm doing now. I know I’m not coping and can feel myself sinking but I don’t know what to do. Sorry for suddenly turning up asking for help, but I’m lost and home right now seems very far away.

[skye81]

Hey... The beauty of this page is that u can turn up and ask for help whenever you need it. Nobody will turn you away as everyone is incredibly accepting and understanding. Sometimes we aren't in a position to offer advice when we are in such a dark place ourselves, I don't think anyone would judge us or make us feel bad for it. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. At the moment I'm kind I struggling so don't feel able to offer anything constructive but I am here and will always listen. It will take time to trust your cpn, as with any relationship you have to get to know someone before you can decide how you feel about them. Do you struggle with trust anyway? Although you may be feeling a but rejected by your psych it does sound like he is tryin to make the right decisions by you. Thinking of you, feel free to pm me anytime. I don't really have any friends so would be good to chat! I have never been sectioned but alot of what you are saying I feel like I can identify with, I know how helpless it can make you feel and alone. Please keep talking, sending hugs xxx

[April_xx]

I don't have the words right now sweetheart, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I'm thinking about you. Please inbox me, text me anytime. I am always here for you - you will always have a very special place in my heart and I feel so honoured to have had te chance to meet such a lovely person, inside and outside. I miss you! When I see you next, I'm going to give you a big hug. It will be okay, you will get through this. I promise I will speak to you soon. All my love, as always x x

[skye81]

U ok Hun??? Just a bit worried as u haven't replied back to my pm. Get in touch soon. Xx

[PassedExpectations]

how are you doing?

perhaps you could look at some information online (from somewhere reputable) about some DBT skills (like mindfulness) or grounding and see if you can start to use them a bit on your own. it won't replace the group, but you still may find that you can figure some of it out and start using it to help yourself