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Old 13-01-2008, 02:49 PM   #1
ocean
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - had enough

had enough of the memories had enough of the dreams
had enough of the flashbacks had enough of it all.
wish they would leave me alone wish i could be rid of them
wish that i didnt have to remember wish i could block it out

the abuse i went through is eating away at me it never leaves my mind
i want it out of me i want it gone

the flashbacks are more real then ever and when i have them i wanna cut so bad to cut the dirtyness and horribleness outta me

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Old 13-01-2008, 03:20 PM   #2
bobbiwibble
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**many many hugs**
it's not fair what you're going through, I'm going through the same thing and it's horrible :(

sorry I haven't got much caring advice or help to give right now, but please take care of yourself, it's completely natural to feel dirty but you need to hold on to the thought that this is something which happened to your body. Your mind was somewhere else entirely, and just because it's been trapped in something that's had to undergo that sort of trauma doesn't mean that it's been debased too
xxxxxxbobbib



heliotrope-lavender-candytuft-tulip-almond blossom-sycamore



Where do you turn when the night turns to singing
such sweet melodies and you flash your fin
then it's back to the depths where I cannot see you
but I built these towers just to honour you.....


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Old 13-01-2008, 06:02 PM   #3
Chrissyann
 
Join Date: Dec 2006

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this hunni *hugs you tight*. There's no quick fix I'm afraid, and healing from what happened will take ages. But it is possible to heal hunni. You will learn to live with these feelings and they wont control you.

Hunni, you're not dirty and you're not horrible. You are a great person who has had something terrible done to them. You don't need to punish yourself hun. I understand that that's easier said than done. Could you try and go to your gp, and get some help? It will be scary, but at least with the right support, it will make everything easier and more bareable.

Take care
*hugs you*
Chrissy
xxx

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Old 13-01-2008, 06:46 PM   #4
lydia.
 
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Join Date: Apr 2007

I know you're going through hell right now, but hurting yourself is not the answer. You're not dirty of horrible, what happened was not your fault.
Is there anyone that you can talk to about what happened? Are you receiving any help for the flashbacks?
Maybe, when you feel a flashback coming on, try doing something that could keep your mind distracted, like phone a friend or go for a walk. Some people find grounding type techniques helpful, like keep telling yourself it's just a flashback & that you are stronger than it, stamping your feet.
Hang in there & stay safe
*sends hugs & cookies*
xx

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Old 13-01-2008, 10:33 PM   #5
foxfly
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I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad.

This will get better, you know. I know how terrible and overwhelming it can be, but you will feel better with time, I'm sure you will. You're not dirty or horrible, what happened to you was horrible, but it does not mean you're horrible at all.



Sit on my finger, sing in my ear, O littleblood.


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