Can't cope anymore

Daizy35 · 29-05-2017, 09:44 PM

I can't cope anymore. I've had a good weekend, spent lots if time with friends, but now I'm lying in bed feeling numb and wanting to cry but can't.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow and face people but I know I have to as I can't afford anymore time off.

Nothing has happened this evening to make me feel like this but my brain has decided that I can't be happy, I'd be better off hurting myself and not being a burden anymore.

I hate feeling like this as there is nothing that will help, I just have to wait till the morning and hope I feel better.

I have no-one to turn to right now and really feel like going for a drive and never coming back.

EMH · 30-05-2017, 01:14 PM

Hi, how are you feeling now?
Did you manage to get some sleep/rest?
It's a horrible feeling knowing nothing will really help. I wish I had a magic answer for you. The best I've got is the usual shitty distraction method, just pass time in a potentially slightly less awful way. Anything at all you can think of trying? You said the weekend was good and some time spent with friends, do any of them know how you're feeling? Even if they don't, what about in the bad times just calling them up for a chat about random stuff?

Daizy35 · 30-05-2017, 07:05 PM

I managed to sleep after taking some tablets to help me. Didn't feel great this morning but after lunch I felt a bit better. However it's gone down hill from there as I nearly had a breakdown at the gym just now. It's like I have a switch that can go from feeling fine one minute to feeling like I'm all alone even though I'm with people. I had to leave and am now sat on my bedroom floor not knowing what to do.

Some of my friends know how I'm feeling but the ones I want to talk to aren't close by. I can't talk to them over the phone as I just need someone here with me now.

The one person I can talk to and wish was here is my ex. Not because I want him back but because he understands me and knows what I need.

I am so alone even with a house full. I'm hoping a bath and a film will help take my mind off things, even if just for a short time.

EMH · 30-05-2017, 08:16 PM

a bath and film sounds like a really good idea, let us know how it goes and if it helps

Daizy35 · 31-05-2017, 04:37 PM

It seemed to help but still not feeling great today.

Currently sat in the doctors worried he's going to tell me I should go back on tablets. I was on them for 2 weeks and got horrible side effects. I know I can try others but I want to tackle this without medication. At least this time he won't see the scars on my arm.

I want to beat this and move on with my life but it just feels easier and better for everyone if I have in to it.

EMH · 31-05-2017, 08:41 PM

how did the doctors go?
were they the first meds youve tried? maybe it is worth considering something else, there are different classes of drugs so if one doesnt help you another might. sometimes meds are needed at first to just get the mood up in order for you to be able to help yourself a bit more. taking them doesnt mean forever.
not trying to push anything just another option. but i believe there should always be talking to someone too. do you have that?

Daizy35 · 31-05-2017, 10:41 PM

I've never taken meds before for this but the side effects I got scared me into not wanting any others. Everyday I had tremors, heart felt like it was racing, increased anxiety and then last week I had a panic attack that lasted 4 hours. Luckily my doctor is happy for me not to go back on tablets, he seems to think I'm doing better each time I see him. That's just because there's no point in telling him to exactly how I feel. He can't do anything.

I am going to talk to someone from Talking Space and also going to see a councillor through work so hoping they can help me figure out what's going on in my head. I've tried talking to my friend who I'm living with but as soon as I mention SH the look she gives me shows she doesn't understand.

I'm feeling a bit better this evening, wishing it would stay like this.

EMH · 01-06-2017, 12:06 PM

i think you should try and be as honest as you can with him. otherwise nothing will change, and you deserve change to happen so you can start feeling better.

regarding talking to your friend, does she just 100% not want to talk about it, or is she willing but she just doesnt understand? because maybe if you talked it through with her, the mind website has some good information, maybe she needs a bit of educating and then she can more understand what youre going through.

glad your evening was a bit better. dont punish yourself if things go back down, but remember that things arent always the same and sometimes you can get a bit of relief from it all.

bitomato · 13-06-2017, 06:48 PM

Hi,
I have to agree with EMH. Your doctor is part of your support team so trying to do things without telling the truth doesn't benefit you. He agreed not to put you on medication- but is it because you told him things were great when they weren't? Sometimes mood charting can be useful rather than be expected to recollect everything in an appointment.
Also seeing a counsellor may make a difference.

What is your relationship with your ex like? Is it a safe one? Can you be/ Are you still friends? Maybe if you are not in danger of being taken advantage of- ask for their take on what might benefit you.
Sometimes romantic relationships don't work with persons who have mental health challenges- but they can be a good source of support and friendship.

However, nothing beats a professional input. I made the decision to go on medication because my depression was too severe in the beginning. The "side effects" were not foremost in my mind because I was emotionally in too much pain. If you are choosing to not take medications there are other options, but you should think about giving your health team the correct information in which to guide you.

The most important thing to remember is that you deserve to feel better.