Adult - unhappy child = unhappy adult

[garyisalone]

i was an unwanted child, a disappointment. Parents were old and tired and burned out. Mom was nice, but tired and wanted a girl. Dad was just a miserable SOB and i was dirt on his shoe. For 60+ yrs I've bitten my hand when angry from frustration. I'd like to discuss that with others who do same. I know it's all from dad's constant put downs. He didn't trust me, I disgusted him, cost him too much, was a disappointment, he never touched me, never "I love you" or even "You're OK." I was never validated as a person. I'm 65, taught pub sch science 30 yrs, lost a brother, wife of 38 yrs walked away, next women only wanted my $. My daughter doesn't have time for me. I love my precious g'kids but cant see them enough. My life is a mess and I deal with it daily and it all is a result of my sick heartless dad. Peace

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you've had and continue to have an awful time. Do you think there is any way you can let go of the hold you have of this being your Dad's fault? That might be stopping you from healing? What would you like your present and future to be like, given that you can't go back and change anything?

[garyisalone]

I've lerned his abuse effects all I do; I constantly seek validation from everyone; my wife left me, nex woman tried to take my $$, my daughter has little interest or time for me, best from from college turned on me. I taught science 30 ys and 24 of those the supervisor was like my dad. So, i've had been **** and **** on all my life. I used to dream of being somebody. At 65 I just want peace in my head. Beer and clonazapam help. At times I think maybe I spend my happiness in an earlier life... tho I don't believe in reincarnation. Just to have some one listen and say "I hear ha!" feels good. I'ev told my daughter that and I guess it's too much trouble for her. That hurts. Best friend since 1973 truned on me... that hurts. My life partner for 42 yrs left me .. that hurt. And the familuy I was with after that tossed me , never had a chance to say goodbye to the kids ... i worry about them. :(

[one_step_closer]

That does sound like an awful lot of pain to carry. Have you spoken to anyone out with the situation about how you're feeling?