Suicide attempts and been self harming since I was 14
Hey I'm Lauren,
I'm nearly 18 and I've been self harming since I was 14 and haven't really stopped. Suicide attempts have been done many of times and to getting to stage where my doctor is thinking about mental hospital. Been in and out of hospital for years now and I want to get better, but living in the past. My parents don't even care and my boyfriend well he's a woman beater, but I love him to much to leave him.
I've tried to run away, I've tried just about everything. It's been 4 years now and I'm finally appecting that I'm unwell and need help.
Last edited by Lauren-crazy : 20-05-2013 at 09:59 PM.
I'm struggling alot, going to uni in September but that won't happen if I have to go into hospital again. Suicide is my only hope and always has been, I can't stop thinking about what happened in the past and it haunts me.
No I haven't, I'm to scared to. Because I'm scare he'll find out and start abusing me, he has a son aswell. I'm surprised to be honest.
Yes i do. I have a counsellor who I see twice a week(if needed) if not then once a week. My Doctor who I see for recent check ups. Harmless, and mental health workers at my college.
maybe you could reach out to a domestic violence support agency. they won't force you to do anything, but might be able to help you figure out what is best for you, and to deal with all the feelings that are wrapped up in your relationship. you don't deserve to go through this on your own, especially when there are people out there who understand.
is he abusing his son? if he is, it is important that you call child protective services. they'll keep what you say anonymous
what is it that you want to get better for? having those motivators in mind can make it a bit easier to stay on track and recover
what kind of hospital is your doctor thinking about? some of them can actually be very helpful, i was in a residential unit that was amazing... even if you feel certain that you don't want to go, it is in your best interest to gather as much information as you can
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I've been holding back my feelings for years, but it's finally hit me, and I'm struggling to cope with everything. I feel alone on this, my boyfriend doesn't know half of the things I've done in the past/present. We've been together a year.
Yes ok thanks.
I don't think so, I hardly see his son as he doesn't live with us, he comes at the weekends, but he does get very angry at him and I hey very scared to even go near him at times.
A mental health one, he said something about one in Northhampshire. I've been in and out for years now, I'm sick of moving hospitals, just want to stay at home and go uni.
For my sake and because I want to back something of my future.
I hate the feeling of waking up everyday knowing I'm going to get abused, worse thing is I love him and can't let him go. Crazy? I know.
I hide away the marks he make and at night I hide away in the cupboard under the stairs and cry in the dark, I feel safe there.
Wanting to commit suicide so badly, so all this abuse would be over with. I hate living in the past, I hate the fact I'm trapped and there's no way out, I'm so scared.
It's been 4 years and I'm still feeling like this, I'm struggling alot and I can't cope any longer.
Laura, I know it doesn't feel like you can escape the abuse and get away from your boyfriend but you can. You do not deserve to be treated so badly by him. No one does. You should not have to hide in a cupboard to feel safe.
If this was happening to someone you were trying to help what would you say and suggest?
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I can't, I love him to much to esacpe. I know it sounds so crazy, but I do I really do love him. He just gets abusive when he gets angry at something and he takes it out on me. I've had my dad abuse me when I was younger, and it's bringing all the past back.
Well I do, and that hurts.
That to get help and get out of the relationship.
sometimes we can't be with the people we love, it isn't best for them or for us... doesn't mean you have to love them less, just that you cared enough about both of you to make the right decision. leaving doesn't mean you don't love him
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Either way I'll get hurt, he'll just follow me around and stalk me. He gets likes that at times, he's abit of a control freak and everything has to go his way or he'll abuse me.
I'm scared to even leave the flat, he takes me to college. He won't let me go out with my friends, I'm trapped in his bubble.
Perhaps going to the hospital might be best? You could get help for your suicidal thoughts and maybe get options for leaving him without fearing him since he controls you so much. I agree that leaving him doesn't mean you don't love him. Its doing the right thing so you and him are no longer in that terrible cycle of abuse. I know it feels like you'll never get better mentally, but you can. I felt that way for a very long time, about 7 years, but I am completely recovered now. It's very hard but it is possible. It's great you realize it's a problem though; that's the first step to recovering.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
It's been a problem since I got with him, however it's only recently I've come to terms with the fact he abuses, he's just like my dad and that scares me. I don't see my dad at all, but I have flashbacks every night before bed and I go back go when dad used to abuse me while mum was at work or out.
Maybe it is... I might have to go to hospital later on, hate keep in going in and put every so many weeks.
Been into college and got sent home, self harmed in the toilets earlier on and tried to commit sucide aswell. I've been advised to to go to A&E, so my tutor is kindly taking me now.
I'm struggling so much right now, I feel alone and feel like everyone hates me. And feel like everyone is using me as three punch bag, I hate feeling like this.
Got to stay in hopsital, back to square one again fuck sake. Waiting to have blood tests done and had my wounds checked over, they keeping an very close obsevstions on me. Allowed my phone on me, but bad signal, so will be on and off for the next few days or so.
Why do things have to be so bad? Why can't I just be normal and have a normal life?
I hate struggling, I hate feeling so alone, I hate the fact no-one listens to me when I'm crying out for help. Hate the fact I have no-one to talk to when I need some support.
Could you tell the people that are caring for you about the abuse? Sometimes it can be hard for people to realize you're crying out for help; maybe it'd help to be more direct. I'm sure nobody hates you. We become abused oftentimes because we are such loving people, not the other way around.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
please please Lauren, you should tell the people caring for you like beautiful_seclusion said....you shouldnt have to suffer this abuse from your boyfriend.....you say you love him but does he love you back? if he does that to you thats not called love hunni....please seek help before its too late
