I was taken to the hospital by ambulance for suicidal idealization by my peer support workers. From the paramedics, the security guards who watched me, the emerg medical doctor, the crisis councillors and almost every single nurse on the floor told me that I was "too pretty" to cut. That I was "ruining my beautiful skin" and that I was "too smart" for this stuff.
I was reading a lot and this one nurse said that "you're brain obviously works. You're able to read novels and not just that but science fiction and understand it. You can choose to be better. Promise me you'll stop!"
Also from a nurse "You're not sick. We need this bed for someone who is actually sick." He meant it as I wasn't experiencing psychosis or whatever but it still felt very invalidating.
The emerg psychiatrist read that I have BPD and just went through every symptom without even asking me if I was experiencing it. She was like "you're doing a, b and c and showing e, f and g and definitely h. H is a big one!" And apparently the sexual assault I faced at 13 doesn't "count" because the person who did it was only a few years older than me. Had she asked any details about it she would know that it was not just "awkward sexual exploration that we all go through."
I had a frustrating few days!!
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
"You're never going to be loved by someone if you keep cutting. You're just ugly!"
-a therapist...
-"If you really wanted help from me, you'd show me what you're doing to yourself.."
-gee thanks... I'm trusting you, right? I don't trust a lot of people. You're lucky I'm here right now! >.<
"You can give it up anytime."
-Um, have you ever cut for a few years and then tried to stop? Can I see you try now? O.o
"You can't be cutting that bad... I mean, if you were cutting seriously, you'd be in the ER right now."
-So, wait, there is a certain depth you gotta go in order to be classified as a "cutter"?! Can you show me what handbook you are refering to please?
"Don't go in search for the light at the end of the tunnel, but BE the light at the end of the tunnel for someone else"-unknown
"Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight" -Japanese Proverb
"You can count on me like 1,2,3 and I'll be there. 'Cuz I know when I need it I can count on you like 4,3,2 and you'll be there. 'Cuz that's what friends are supposed to do."-Bruno Mars
"I'll jump for you."-Tokio Hotel
"Everyone needs an olly, olly, oxen free."-Hannah Baker
nurse in a+e said 'yeah we get this a lot its really popular right now, really trendy in america' then he was like 'i can offer you councelling' and im like yeah i got told by my counsellor to come here because im suicidal now, if i wanted an appointment in a month or so id book with the one i already have :/
"I get it, but the whole concept is retarded."
My dad's a police officer, so I guess he's seen SI at work - doesn't mean he magically 'understands' it though. He clearly doesn't.
"You're 21."
That only makes me feel 10x worse.
It is something which doesn't make sense until you think about the adrenaline/endorphins & all that shiz. If it didn't 'work' we wouldn't do it!
& I've had the 'too old to be doing this' thing too
Quote:
Originally Posted by -Shae-Lynn*
I was taken to the hospital by ambulance for suicidal idealization by my peer support workers. From the paramedics, the security guards who watched me, the emerg medical doctor, the crisis councillors and almost every single nurse on the floor told me that I was "too pretty" to cut. That I was "ruining my beautiful skin" and that I was "too smart" for this stuff.
I've had that a lot, it's always the nurses that say it!
I told mom where HER razor blades in the kitchen are (for a scratcher to clean the stove) and she was like 'you didn't use to use them did you?'
I told her that I hadn't used them (cause I haven't), but that I bought them for her, cause she asked me to buy them and she always got the wrong ones that didn't fit her scratcher thingy.I had to laugh a lot, because I thought it was funny when she asked me to buy them.
I think she felt bad, because she actually asked me to buy tools. Exclept... she didn't know about the cutting back then.
Not really a bad thing though might be the wrong place... It was really awkward.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
'I understand what you're going through, but dont cut yourself'
It really annoyed me when someone told me that. They don't understand what I'm going through. They'll never understand...
'dont or ill come round mess your bed up and wake your parents with our noise'
Seriously? Hes essentially threatening me with sex?
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
My mum refers to it as "cutting up". It really hurts when she says it like that.
Aww, I'm sorry you've had to hear that. I've had "slicing and dicing" once. The words some people use...
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
my mum refers to it as scrathing and tried to take away like *tools that are not capable of doing any damage* when in reality she's seen my *proper tools* and does nothing to remove them. it's weird...
Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient
"You're going to be okay, seriously :)"
-a text from a friend
Okay, if I'm going to be okay, why am I not?
"Don't go in search for the light at the end of the tunnel, but BE the light at the end of the tunnel for someone else"-unknown
"Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight" -Japanese Proverb
"You can count on me like 1,2,3 and I'll be there. 'Cuz I know when I need it I can count on you like 4,3,2 and you'll be there. 'Cuz that's what friends are supposed to do."-Bruno Mars
"I'll jump for you."-Tokio Hotel
"Everyone needs an olly, olly, oxen free."-Hannah Baker
^ I've had that. I find it okay, though, because I initially stopped hurting myself for someone else and then found a way to do it for me, allowing them to help with that - they've got to meet you halfway!
Someone around two weeks ago, after yelling at me about something, proceeded to 'ask' me about my scars in front of my entire Zumba class, during a song/dance - I was at the front, though I wasn't instructing for that particular tune. I think that was incredibly rude and I was horrified! Needless to say, that night went well...
Hello stranger, can you tell us where you've been?
More importantly, however did you come to be here?
Though a stranger, you can rest here for a while...
But save your energy, your journey here is far from over.
While I was at the mall from some random lady at the food court...
"I really don't think it's appropriate for you to show your arms like that, my grandchildren are around and that's not something I want them to see"
Well sorry, but it's 32 degrees out and it's too damn hot for me to cover up. Besides I doubt your little grandson who was happily eating his ice cream would have even noticed me had you not pointed me out...
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
Worst was when my mum found out I hadn't quit "You're crazy! Absolutely insane! Im buying you a butchers knife so you can cut a bit deeper! F***ing insane b*tch. You been hearing your voices too? They been telling you to do it?"
Thanks mum, thanks for you support and understanding.
And my friend also went: "If you don't stop cutting I'll never talk to you again, I dont need to reputation of me hanging round with an emo"
re grandson... i had a tshirt on [and bathing suit the day before that] and my cousins didnt notice anything. it only got noticed once and the 5 year old said 'oh do you have bug bites'? so... that was rude of her >.<
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
I just said "There's no need to be rude." She just kept glaring at me though so I moved to a different place. I was just waiting for my friend and didn't want some lady staring daggers at me the whole time. I guess with the scars, piercings, tattoos,and black clothes I don't really look like a model citizen though, so I can partly understand her reaction. It was still rude though.
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
I just said "There's no need to be rude." She just kept glaring at me though so I moved to a different place. I was just waiting for my friend and didn't want some lady staring daggers at me the whole time. I guess with the scars, piercings, tattoos,and black clothes I don't really look like a model citizen though, so I can partly understand her reaction. It was still rude though.
I'm sorry, but wearing black clothes and having piercings and tattoos doesn't make you look like a bad citizen! I don't personally have any tattoos or wear a lot of black clothing but I am covered in scars. I'm on a different page now so I can't go check but she was more concerned about your scars, no? She's a grandma=from an older generation but still! If you were wearing stereotypical "preppy" clothes she probably would have reacted the same way.
She was wrong to say something like that to you or anyone else. Try not to put the blame on yourself. It wasn't your fault. No one asks to be discriminated against.
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
